Being unfulfilled

[Thebeautyparlour]

My DH and I are unfulfilled (apart from a young DS who are are totally in love with). Unfortunately, we are surrounded by very successful, fulfilled friends!

Whereas I am very resourceful and work my tits off to bring about change - my DH lacks drive. He's quite lazy.

I'm really beginning to feel that a marriage can't really survive when two people feel like this...it's making me feel quite despairing.

your idea and his idea of fulfilment seem to be poles apart

what do you have in common, apart from DS?

there is nothing intrinsically wrong with lacking drive, we can't all be driven

you say he's lazy - what do you mean by this ie not shouldering his fair share of household chores/parenting differences

Actually, our ideas for fulfillment are the same. Our love for writing (mine fiction, he's film scripts) was a huge shared love when we met. That's what we'd both like to be doing full time. We both had agents, and for one thing or another, it went tits up. Whereas I am near completing another novel, he's lost his mojo years ago yet still talks about wanting to do scripts as a full time thing nearly all the time. I'm the one up at 5 writing, putting everything on hold to try and get to that place. He's the one talking about it...and hating himself for just talking about it.

There is nothing wrong with lacking drive but there is something wrong with constantly talking about hating your life, being totally encouraged by me to make change, and then not doing anything about it - either through fear or whatever. I've said to him time and time again to go get professional support to make the changes he needs

We have lots in common, but it's the engine of our lief together that seems broken down. I feel like I'm losing respect.

And what if nothing happens with my writing, then what? Two even more miserable, unfulfilled people in a marriage

He's a good dad and husband at home. Doesn't do as much as me, but does a lot

oh, sorry for not intuiting all of that from your OP

the moaning about stuff but not doing anything about it would do my heid in; I would be inclined to tell him to zip it, that I will be happy to help him to find solutions but not listen to the same old same old, and then stick to it.

the only person you can really help is YOU so let's think more about you:

what would happen if you were to give yourself over to writing full time - finances/childcare/cleaning, can these be covered for a period by family finances/savings?

what else do you have for YOU, apart from the writing? I am thinking of yoga, or making music, or photography etc. You need not be defined by your writing (not sure if I am explaining well)

'You need not be defined by your writing.'

I know, but it's much easier said than done.

well being aware is a start

so come on, is writing fulltime a go-er?

I don't need to do it full time at the moment. I'm so close to the end I can make it happen around work. But yes, I do work freelance so that I can reap in the money and then take off a few weeks if necessary.

That's not really the issue here...

what do you think the issue is?

THis is a bit of a bugger. I can see him beginning to resent you, especially if you get your writing published and it sells well. Some people do get stuck in this mindset of wanting to write and not doing so; they make any excuse not to help themselves, and while this can work if they are living with non-writers, who will still be inclined to humour and indulge the 'sensitive creative' person, another writer will know all the tricks and have less patience with them.