Not sure how to handle this, any advice would be welcome. ( I'm a long time lurker but never posted before)
Basically, my friend is going out with a guy who sets alarm bells ringing on every front. He has bad relationship history (was cheating on his ex for 3 years before they split up despite saying she was the best friend he ever had) and also has depression (not his fault but will make life harder). He doesn't really communicate and has been quite selfish. She has had to seek medical treatment due to the stress of the relationship.
Any way, she asked me if I thought she was ignoring some major red flags - I said I wouldn't stay in a relationship like that no matter how crazily I felt for the man but decided to confide that my own relationship is not perfect and therefore I didn't want to sound hypocritical.
Essentially my bf is an alcoholic but does not now drink. When I met him he was quite open and honest about the fact that alcohol made him go a bit crazy every once in a while, hence why he always drinks lemonade or orange juice. While he can drink normally 99 times out of 100, once in every 100 drinking sessions he properly freaks out and has destroyed property etc, spent time in the cells on many an occasion. He hadn't drunk at all for several months before he met me and then we were together for 5 months or so when he also did not drink. He had a blip though, where he decided to try and drink in moderation.
This was fine for several months, he seemed to be coping fine until one day he flipped out and was an absolute nightmare (we were in a hotel and while he didn't trash the place, he caused some minor damage and was loud and out of control). I might have dumped him but as we had a wedding to go to the next day, I decided to put on a brave face and try my best to enjoy the day with him (was the first time he would meet a lot of my friends and couldn't face spending the entire day explaining why he'd been there the night before but was now absent - all my friends were expecting to meet him).
Since then things have improved. He understood the gravity of the situation and swore to never drink again. He has been for counselling before and they advised him that the road to sobriety would be like this. There would be a few blips on the way and it was normal to "try to drink socially" and fail several times before you become sober for good. Apart from this problem he is the perfect man. Kind, decent, fun, interesting, and puts a lot into the relationship. I am aware of the issue but sticking with the relationship. If he does it again, I'm gone - my take on it is that it's an illness and I can't blame him for being born with a certain set of genes, only judge him on how he deals with it.
Any way, tonight I went to meet my friend after she'd been out drinking for a few hours. Another girl she is close to that I have met once or twice several years ago was there. When this girl left, I asked her if she was ok now as her ex had been a right dick (possibly abusive, I'm not sure). To my horror, she started recounting the story I told her about my bf to another girl I'd never met, only saying it was this other friend's boyfriend who was a drunken nightmare. The friend was horrified.
I told her this in confidence and don't know if she was drunker when I told her than I thought she was, or drunker tonight than I thought she was. I don't know how many other people she has told but am worried as a) I don't want this to be common knowledge about my relationship and b) I don't want some other innocent guy to have his reputation tarnished by something he hasn't done. I'll need to ask her to stop telling this story but if she has to retract it with people she's already told, they'll naturally ask her who it was really about and I don't know if she'll be indiscreet and tell them. In some ways I'd rather noone thought the story was about me but if she has to say she got her sources mixed up, people will talk. Mumsnetters, how would you deal with this? And please ask for clarification if need be, there are a lot of 3rd parties involved here and it's all a bit confusing to read about I think.