How do I detach from emotional rollercoaster boyfriend?

[MyGodMyHead]

Been together about 4 months. See each other 3/4 times a week, we always have a great time together whether we're out or just sat watching a movie. BUT he's always been a hot/cold type person ever since we met. He'll be all lovey dovey one minute and cool as a cucumber the next. I have tried so hard to just chill out about it but the truth is, I never know where I am with him and it's so hard because I have developed strong feelings for him.
It all came to a head last night. We're in bed and he asked how I think things are going between us. I say great, everything is fine - how do you feel?
He then says "yeah, all ok - as you know I have other stuff going on right now and issues I need to sort out of my own but we're ok". This immediately makes me think "shit, that doesn't sound good!" so I call him up on it. This triggers a bizarre conversation where he says he doesn't want to say he loves me as it's a word that shouldn't be thrown around so much early in a relationship - however he does love me ??? he was worried that I might have tried to rush things in the beginning but now I haven't - he's worried that he's not 100% over his divorce (2 years ago) but he wants me to give him time - I ask if he wants to postpone meeting my kids (scheduled for next weekend) and he says no, he wants to meet them now. I ask if he wants me to give him space - he says no, definitely not. I ask if he wants to slow things down, he says no, don't talk like that.
This morning I woke up thinking WTF is going on??? Would anyone else feel as confused about this as I am?
I feel like I should detach from him. I don't want to split with him completely but I need to detach for my own sanity. To be fair he was a bit drunk when talking last night but it does represent sober chats we have had also.

I gave him the choice - he doesn't want to take things slower, he doesn't want space and he doesn't want to split. Is it just me??

Why weren't you honest with him when he asked you how you thought things were going? You could have told him that you worry you "don't know where you stand with him", instead of telling him "everything is fine".

He doesn't sound sure either, so it seems to me you both have doubts. And problems in communicating effectively with each other.

Maybe you need to take some time out and think about this. If it was me I'd definitely hold back on introducing DCs to him. You need to be sure before you o that.

Get rid!!!!!! As you may of seen my post i had the same problem as you are having except mine never really developed to boyfriend status really. He sounds very unreliable and cagey! Move on otherwise you will get hurt. Good luck :-)

why are you letting him dictate all the terms of your relationship? Tell him you're delaying the kids meet up for a couple of months and then take a step back to decide what you want here.

I agree - certainly with the idea of holding off on introducing your children.

Personally I think I would find the hot and cold thing tedious rather than captivating but maybe he doesn't mean it to come across the way it seems to - you won't know unless you tell him honestly how it makes you feel.

Likewise, I think you said 'oh yes everything's great' out of politeness, and he then unleashed some surreal barrage of 'move forward/pull back' kind of behaviour which may have been done on purpose to wrong foot you, or he may just be very confused.

It's early days. Take a breath, have the hard (but honest) conversation, and see what follows. My feeling is he will object to being called out on his erratic behaviour and may end things as a result to try and reel you back in. But why not give him a proper chance by giving yourself a proper chance as well?

I had one of these emotional roller-coaster boyfriends...I almost could have written your post. From one time seeing him to the next I never knew where I was with him and although I tried to discuss this with him he always denied it. I honestly don't think he knew he was doing it.

To me it's a huge red flag...if I could turn back time and have ended things at that point instead of letting it drag on for ages like a big drip (and getting into some really horrible situations), I would do it in a heart beat.

Good luck with this, I hope things work out for you.