Bunny in headligths...now he wants to cite me as unfit mother...

[onanotherday]

After having our DC for the first time last weekend, our DS heard him on the phone to OW that he has beenrefusing to admit to. I sent her andemail (I know!) just with an outline of the breakdown (his), arrests due to mental health/drinking (his0drinking (his) and self harm (his) this year and how upset kids were at the moment. She dropped him and he is furious that I have ruined his life. Now says that he worries for my mental health and going to see solicitor and say I'm unfit to have kids.I know I have spent the summer, begging via text/email to get him to 'talk' and recently to see how distress our DD is, the school have called someone in to see her, he says she will get over it in time and that i'm making a big thing about it. Today I have to buy our DS his first pair of football boots and I suggested he might like to do this, didn't even register a response. Just said from not on any text/emails I send will be forwarded to a 3rd party......am now wondering if maybe it is my MH? So down, just wanted to get to an calmer place for us all but particularily the DC.

Dont engage with him, you cant change him in to a decent human being or father. The effort and time you are using could be used on yourself and your child. Your son wont miss out, as long as mummy is there, I can couch for this love honestly.

He wont get any where with the mental health crap mum threat either, it would take something monumenal on your part for him to have a chance at proving this sort of crap, and would be looked at by any court if he ever got there as vexatious i think the word is, in other words bollocks and doing it to be spiteful.

He would also have to pay for the court proceeding so unless he is loaded it wont happen, and i dont think legal aid pay for that sort of case.

Stay calm and ignore ignore ignore hun x

You are a lone parent now..... The ceremonial purchase of first football boots is down to you!

As is washing the kit afterwards, cleaning the mud off the studs and standing on sidelines in the rain at matches!

Thanks...just been fighting for a man that for 17 of the 18 years we have been toether was a kind and decent..if flawed. H e loves his children so much, so to see him not hear or acknowledge their pain is tragic. I'm also struggling with the idea of him with OW to..just seems too much to bear after a year of loving and caring for him.

Oh yeah, Xh was going to have me declared an unfit mother on the grounds of my depression and computer games habit. Guess how far he got?

Your emails would have to be threatening for him even to have a chance...

BTW, it seems that you are still seeing him through rose tinted glasses. Are you sure he was that decent and caring?

No maybe not...but I love(ed) him and so do the kids and he said the same until a few months ago. 18 years is a hard habit to kick, and I just want him well, reasonable and able to engage in a 'normal conversation'. Im the one looking mad at the moment as I'm texting and chasing...but ...having been kicked in the teeth with news of OW...feeling emotional and wobbly. Its just I really want him to give the kids some comfort but he seems incapable of doing so. He saw GP and spoke with his boss and they all agree he is now fit and 'normal':(

Oh yes, running away with another woman is perfectly normal. Not nice, but not abnormal as such.

I take it you have these reports of the GP and boss from him, rather than directly from them? He could be lying again, you know. Like the "of course I don't have another woman, you're just paranoid" thing. Or he could be quite good at faking normality for the five minutes he was in the doctor's. Now that's extremely common.

He sounds really manipulative. Denied vehemently he had another woman. Caught out with other woman, who dropped him (though no, you shouldn't have sent the email), and his response is to play you like a fiddle.

If he truly thought you were an unfit mother and left, leaving both kids with you, the odds of him proving both that you're unfit and he should have custody are worse than winning the lottery, but it is a great stick to beat you with, isn't it? He's mad you caught him in his lies and made his other woman go away and now he's going to make you pay.

Don't let him.

And don't use the "but I looooooooove him" wail. I'm sure you do, but that's neber an excuse for letting someone treat you like dirt. You need to love your self and your kids first here, and he's hurting both of you. What would you say to a friend who came to you in thus situation ? It sure wouldn't be "let him run roughshod through your life."

You have behaved in a desperate way, not a mental way. You were desperate for answers. I have been there.

My STBXH would not respond to my emails asking for half the school uniform costs or why he kept being late for DD etc.

So it cost him £300 in mediation fees to agree to what I had already suggested by email..... (I'm on legal aid)

I would reccommend mediation if you have communication problems with him.

Keep contact with him to an absolute minimum.