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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please come and kick me up the arse!!

3 replies

magnolia74 · 15/09/2012 09:10

Bit of history...

Dh and I have been together for 21 years, 5 kids, 1 dog, 2 cats!

We have had our fair share of shit to deal with, have separated on one occasion but still going.

I have terrible self esteem issues mixed with some OCD and possible bi polar but on the whole come across as a very confident person.

Dh is my rock and over the last few years I have realised how much I love him.

I have told him how much but he doubts it due to our separation 11 years ago (it was for a year and my doing)
He admits he finds it hard to get over but we are getting there. I have had counselling due to child abuse by a family member and also for OCD. Dh refuses counselling and that's fine, I won't push.

He has recently started a new job and I am struggling with knowing that he wil meet new people especially women.

Two days ago he put a lock on his phone, I asked why and he said because he didn't want it easily accessible if left at work etc....
He doesn't hide his phone or anything but it has made me terribly paranoid and I know it's irrational. I go between stages wanting to push him over it and ask that he takes the lock off and telling myself that it's not a big deal and if he is going to have an affair then a bloody locked phone is not going to mean he is.....
He is great on all other levels so what is my problem ?

So come and tell me to pull myself together!!!!

OP posts:
AlistairSim · 15/09/2012 09:20

Hmmm.

It does sound as if he could be punishing a bit for leaving him elevn years ago. Why did you leave him? Is it something that is likely to happen again?

Has his behaviour changed in any other ways?

magnolia74 · 15/09/2012 09:24

I had no genuine reason for leaving, I had pnd, refused help, went off the rails for a while. He didn't deserve it and I know that.
The locking the phone is not a punishing thing, I'm sure of that. It's not been locked before until starting new job where he is in staff room etc so I be why he might lock his phone.

No other change, he comes home straight from work, doesn't go out with colleagues or anything either.

OP posts:
magnolia74 · 15/09/2012 11:03

Anyone else?

OP posts:
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