Dating sites?

[keepingupwiththejoneses]

I have been separated for 4 months, divorce papers have been filed so no chance of getting back together.
I joined a dating site a week or so ago on a bit of a whim. I have had a few strange messages from it
To be honest I am really surprised at the response I have had, I am no kate moss, I am 36 and quite a bit over weight. Anyway getting back to the point, I have had a few messages from one man, he is quite nice looking and lives on the other side of the city from me. He messages have said how he thinks I am attractive and sexy He gave me his mobile number to contact him. I replied to the second message, saying no numbers yet, want to know more about him and he has replied.
I am just a bit nervous about it. I was with ex for 18 years so have never really done the meeting/dating thing. I need advice from you lovely ladies( and gents,lol) Are these sites a good way to go? What is the right thing to do? Give me a step by step!

If u quite like someone, ring them, if u can chat easily on the phone, don't feel like the convo us forced then arrange to meet for coffee. Meet them for no more than an hr then go home and leave it for a day or 2 and if u want to see them again and they do then go for it!

Don't I'd run a mile if someone told me I was 'sexy'. Those types of words from a complete stranger r sleasey. Either that or they r totally idiots who actually think we wonna here that kinda of crap!

To be honest some of the things that I have been called in messages is seriously weird. One man said I looked expensive, WTF! He actually said I looked sexy, don't know if that is any better really, lol!

Hi, I was with my STBXH for 16 years so I know what you mean. Also I am 39 and overweight.
I joined a dating site to do some research into what single men of my age are out there and to get some feedback on my attractiveness as I have been out of the dating scene for so long. I had intention of starting a relationship.

I was totally overwhelmed with responses/messages. I literally couldn't keep up/respond to them all. I think that there are a lot more men than women on them in general.

I read somewhere about having a "dating phone" to allow contact but keep some privacy/distance. I bought a cheap mobile and a PAYG sim card. It was great advice.

I went on about 10 dates, kept it very casual, just enjoyed meeting and chatting to new people etc. All the men I met seemed really nice people actually, not at all like the horror stories I've heard but maybe I was lucky.

I had a quick fling very early on to get my STBXH out of my system and to get having sex with someone else out of the way.

I always told someone when I went on a date, sometimes it was just texting a friend etc.

I was about to cancel my membership when I met my BF, been together 4 months now. Very happy. I had a good feeling about him early on and actually gave him my real contact details straight away, may have been a bit silly.

I think some general advice is to meet any potential dates quite quickly so you have chance to see what they are really like and you don't build up unrealistic images/fantasies in your head, only to be disappointed when you finally meet.

One thing, if this man is talking about you being sexy, he may be after sex predominantly. Which is flattering and great if you are too. But just bear it in mind. My BF never said anything remotely sexual/flirtatious before we got together and he is a real gentleman, very considerate, mature etc.

Oh and apparently, sites that you have to pay for are supposed to attract less wierdos than free ones.

Good luck

Get a cheap PAYG mobile that you use only for dating. You can give out that number without compromising your anonymity / security.

I meant "no" intention of starting a relationship

PAYG phone is a brilliant idea. Thanks! I will look at some of the pay for sites.
Glad it turned out well for you SorryMyLollipop.

Meet him for lunch or coffee then no sex on menu. I would second the pay for websites. Anyone who is too good to be true is! Lots of people meet this way now but if someone seems weird just move on, not worth the time wasting.

Hmm I understand the safety advice re specific phone, only meet for coffee etc but I started "talking" to a guy on pof on a Saturday in January, we met for drinks Monday night. That was 8 months ago and we've been together ever since and are moving in together. He's my mr perfect. So definitely don't eliminate the free sites. You may well find a good egg on one. Although sorry I've found the best one

Right I bit the bullet and decided to cancel my membership on the free site. I think I will wait a while, get a PAYG mobile and look into pay for sites.
Thanks for the great advice. I think, unless some miracle happens, this is my best way of meeting someone. Right now, I will struggle to make time to meet up with someone as ex is only seeing the dc for 2 hours at a time.

didn't know pof was free!

I met my DH husband on Internet Dating site 3 years ago tomorrow. I would say be careful, as there seems to be a large amount of strange people out there and the extra mobile is a fab idea!! However at 36 (same age as me) I think we are quite good at weeding out the idiots.

Our first date was on a work day, at lunchtime....which meant I spent the morning chewing my nails, but also meant that I didn't have to spend any more than an hour with him if things didn't feel right.

The only thing that got me about these sites (and maybe I was incredibly naive over this one) is that they encourage members to date multiple people at the one time.....my DH seemed to be enjoying that 'feature' when I met him....and frankly that wasn't the way I was brought up!! Maybe that's just me being old-fashioned!

Which sites r u's using?

Most people are on both paying sites and free sites...all the paying sites you can sign up to for free, but usually can't message unless you pay. So you may well sign up, spot some nice men, message them and never get a reply because they're not paid members.

The theory is that you get a better class of person on paid sites, but I'm not convinced tbh, what I would say is a large percentage of the men on all dating sites are NOT looking for relationships, irrespective of what they may say in their profiles or what they might tell you. Quite a lot of them are not single either. Dating sites are a lazy way for men who can't chat up a woman in a pub to get some female interraction and the occasional date here and there. Nice, normal men who ARE looking for a relationship and not just a one-off date/snog/shag are pretty rare tbh. That's not to say you won't get lucky and meet one, but don't be disappointed or surprised if you dont.

I've been OD for 4 years and have never bothered with a separate mobile, nor have I ever had any hassle with persistent men - again, that may simply be luck.

You will get all manner of messages btw, spelling and grammar so bad it almost makes your eyes bleed, all manner of dodgy or inappropriate comments (a few weeks ago one bloke sent me a msg saying how he'd be willing to pay to spend time with me ). Don't be afraid to delete and block the weird and/or pervy, and don't feel you ever have to reply to everyone who messages you out of politeness, you really don't!

I joined POF (free) and Match.com (free, but I paid to upgrade so I could message). I have chatted online to people on POF, you have to sign up fully and upload a photo etc before you can chat to people.

I have had one date with a lovely man, we chatted for a few nights online, he never said anything remotely pervy, we exchanged facebook and mobile details, then met up and went for a clifftop walk which was lovely.

I felt really odd as I felt like I was cheating on my STBXH (he walked out in Feb, blindsided me), so I really dont think I am ready yet, but it was a huge achievement for me and now Ive done it once, I could do it again.

i am 40 and overweight too, which I have been honest about in my description. I have had messages saying Hi Sexy, and messages asking if I want to webcam and see various body parts (NO THANKS!)

I have had messages from 27 year old blokes who like older women and a message from a 22 yo. I am old enough to be his mother!

Im just dipping my toe in the water at the moment. i dont expect to meet anybody this way, but after being with STBXH for 10 years, i dont really have much experience at dating.....

I met DH via an internet dating site (Guardian Soulmates). To be honest, I think if you go on these sites, the point really must be to MEET blokes. Not faff around emailing and texting.

I went on dates with the guys who got straight to the point and asked me out, or who agreed to go on a date with me - so long as I found their profile and picture attractive. None of that emailing back and forth for fucking ages then being disappointed when it fizzled.

For me it wasn't about hiding behind online contact. It was about going on dates and meeting real guys. It was tremendous fun and I met some amazingly interesting blokes. And my DH

Another one here who has just celebrated her third anniversary with the partner she met on PoF. I couldn't be happier.

I'd been single for four years before plucking up the courage to try internet dating - and it turned out to be a very entertaining 9 months for me. I agree that you should meet them as quickly as possible, certainly within a couple of weeks if you're interested in them. I went on about 8 dates in total - all very nice people, only one outright liar - said he was 45 online, was actually 54 - I just thought he must have had a hard life, until he 'confessed' at the end of the date!

I found that most of the men I met on PoF were self-employed or had alternative/unusual jobs (theatre lighting, singer, musician). Don't know if that's got anything to do with the site being free or just coincidence. My lovely partner is the entrepreneurial type with his own company.

I would also add that my dp's spelling/grammar is, well, rough (actually dyslexic I believe, but he doesn't like labels). I'm a spellling/grammar/punctuation fascist too, but his personality shone through his writing. Mind you, he did make a proper effort - none of this 'hi babe' nonsense you get so much of in messages. So sometimes it's worth looking beyond that.

We met for Sunday lunch for our first date.

Best of luck with it. If nothing else, you should end up with some good stories to tell in the future.

Wow, gals, your OD experience is sooo different from mine! I tried a free one (grown-up dating) & match.com, and after 4 months or so I'd only had 2 messages - one from a guy who sounded deeply weird, & another from a guy I met up with, who was inches shorter than he said he was (& me...) - we chatted ok but he never made contact again & I wasn't bothered! And I sent soooo many non-heavy messages to guys, who looked at them (you can tell from the site) but never responded - very disheartening! So I cancelled & gave up. It may be an age thing - I'm 52 & said so!! - so my advice to all you 30-somethings is - do it now!

I agree best to meet quickly. I chatted to a guy for almost a week then met up. We get on great online but I'm not so sure now I've met him lol. Although we are in daily contact.

I get messages all the time but if they start off sexy I ignore it

I think my problem is, I am scared of taking the plunge. I haven't even had a night out since stbxh left, not because I don't want to, just babysitters are difficult, ds3 has severe asd!
I agree there are some strange ones on there. I had loads of 20 somethings message me. One told me I looked expensive and quite a few who lived over 200 miles away from me!
The site I went on was called freedating.com. Think I will wait a bit and have a look at POF and Match. Eharmony wouldn't let me register because I am not divorced yet

Just be picky. POF has got a few decent ones on there. Just block anybody who asks you to webcam. Dont waste too much time chatting, chat for a few nights, then meet in daylight in a safe place. I say No to anybody who is too far away from me.

and dont indulge in smutty talk

sorry, unless you want to of course

Great advice Sky!

I'd recommend POF. It's free, you can block any oddballs from contacting you and you can hide your profile on a weekend when all the loonies seem to be on it. I had a few ridiculous, forgot my wallet dates and a few great dates.

My top tip would be that when you do go on a date have a couple of check in times with a good friend / relative. My sister would ring me and ask how the weather was. If I said fine I was OK, If I said it was raining it meant trouble.