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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It's been a while...

6 replies

CrispyHedgehog · 14/09/2012 00:01

Some of you might remember my history a bit, split with xp in March, 2 years after he had an affair with a work colleague.

Started seeing a very nice man - had lots of fun with him on a fwb basis but it gradually settled into being more like a real relationship. I've now ended things with new man, partly because I've realised that I started seeing him too soon after splitting with xp, I've realised my whole life I've been someone's daughter, wife, mum, girlfriend - never just me, and partly because xp had started contacting me, (saying all the right things about how he's changed, realised what he'd done wrong etc etc etc blah blah blah) xp and I met up last weekend, got on well, but I just felt.. nothing. It was all a bit meh. He kept saying how much he misses me, wants us back togethr, is a changed man. No sex or anything like that. Just spent time together, few drinks in a pub, then he missed his train so came back to the house and we watched tv - stuff like that.

He was honest with me, said he'd been dating thru pof and that he had contacted ex-ow just for closure - at the time I had no problem with that, but now I notice that he's friends on fb with her and that he also made a post about how he'd left someone very precious behind and was going back to reclaim it... one of his friends commented asking if it was in 'town where I live' and he replied no, somewhere else, which I take to mean he was referring to ow. I'm guessing he tried his luck with her and she turned him down.

I feel physically sick at that, even tho I don't want him back.. all the hurt and betrayal has come back into focus. I'm second best - he only wants me because she doesn't want him.

Not sure what I want from you guys but I feel like shit right now :(

OP posts:
lemontruffles · 14/09/2012 00:14

Sad its hard when you still love the bastard

been there, done that, it's a bugger

but there really is another way, which is that you can truly be yourself: you recognised this when you separated from fwb. And please don't let your ex derail this for you.

You sound so sad, I am so sorry x

CrispyHedgehog · 14/09/2012 00:38

Thanks truffles, I don't love him, that's the confusing thing. I don't know why I'm bothered about it really, I just am.

I think I was sort of enjoying him trying to woo me back.. and now I know it's only because she didn't want him.. Angry

OP posts:
Lazycah · 14/09/2012 00:51

crispy you have opened my eyes.
I have been someones' partner/ carer; mother for so 20 yrs now!
Only just realising that I have no life... no personality, no experiences.
Must be more than this.
Move on

Lazycah · 14/09/2012 00:53
  • think I meant some, not so Blush
izzyizin · 14/09/2012 01:16

There's no way you're second best, honey.

The fact is he's a second rate twat as he's failed to make the grade as a first rate twunt Grin

You've got the moral scruple that he lacks and this led you to meet up with him in a spirit of glasnost in the belief that he has it within his power to be as honest and open as you are.

Given that he's a user/abuser of women, he's always going to have a hidden agenda and, although in agreeing to meet him, you set yourself up to be taken for a mug, I very much doubt that you'll fall for it again.

Life's a learning curve. Now that you've got the time and space to do so enjoy learning about yourself and, above all, enjoy being the wonderful, unique, multi-talented, warm, caring, and compassionate woman that is YOU.

CrispyHedgehog · 14/09/2012 10:34

aww LazyCah.. I saw your thread, you deserve so much more :(

Izzy I think I love you :) Your post gave me sucha big smile this morning. I am feeling much better today, fine in fact - the one thing that has become extremely clear to me is that he hasn't changed one bit and was just on best behaviour last time I saw him.

I'm currently contemplating whether I should get a cat.. I'll build up gradually to become the mad cat lady :o

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