Have name changed for this, would hate to be outed in RL. Sorry its long
Bit of history. Was with dh for 15 yrs when we got married this summer, We have 2 dc aged 4 and 5. We got together young (Iwas 16) bought a house (when I was 18), got in loads of debt, in a big mess. I worked a night job in a call centre as well as my daytime banking jobs and was eventually promoted to a managers job, paid off debts, gave up 2nd job. dh had unskilled but regular workA few years later, I was 26 by then we decided to start a family. When I was pg with eldest dc dh decided to leave his job and start his own business as a window cleaner and asked to remortgage house which we did. (£10k) when I was pg with dc2 I left my job, the cost of childcare meant that I decided to stay at home until younger dc was 1 then start 4 yrs retraining as a teacher as i really hated my banking job. I had £10k in the bank and no debts,so thought as long as dh had some income all would be ok, we'd just scrimp for a while. (I only mean 9 mths from when my mat pay kicked in until I could get student finance)
I didn't know he was making no money and running up massive debts. The first I knew was when someone arrived to reposess the van he had bought on finance. I had a 16mth dc and a newborn in the room and he verbally (there is no other word for it) bulied me to pay what he owed on my credit card. this happened again a few months later. This was in 2008. The 'business' dwindled until he was making no money (about £50pw) but was working every day. He also manages a mens football team at a serious level, does not get paid, but I reckon puts about 25 hrs a week in. He still hasn't got a proper job, I am a year away from qualifying as a teacher and i think he expects me to rpay the debts a- about £40k. He says he doesn't wan't the dc in out of hours care an would rather one of us was there to pick them up from school, but whilst I think there is some truth in this (he is a really affectionate dad) I also think he doesn't want to work hard, or have to miss football commitments because he can't have time off work.
He also does very little around the house. On Tues night I had to reseal the leaking bath at 11pm after being on a placement in school all day, doing homework, tea, bath and bedtime on my own because he had started it on Sun, not finished was (as always) out at footy and we need to get baths.
I am only 31 and feel like an old woman, worn down with worry about debt. If I'm really honest I am only with him for the kids' sake, I don't want to rip their world apart. God knows why I agreed to marry him in the summer (this didn't cause money issues, it was just at the town hall with no guests), I guess with hindsight I thought it might turn a corner. Hugely naive I know.
I don't know what to do. He's not a bad person, he's an affectionate dad, he he's not abusive in any way to us. He's just so bloody lazy and selfish.
I am so tempted to ask him to leave. About £15k of the debts are in my name (£5k that he asked me to put on the card that day, £10k uni debts) I own the house (although only about £10k equity) and both our cars- not worth loads, about £1000 each.
At the moment I am waiting for a student finance payment that is late and we are literally living on beans on toast. Tomorrow I have got to grovel to my daughters pre school to wait for payment of this terms fees until it comes in.
I feel absolutely defeated.
Any advice would be appreciated- I just don't know what to do.