Stuck in Limbo

[Bananasarnies]

I wondered if anyone can relate to my experience as I feel so alone with it and really don't know what to do. I'd been in a relationship for 4 years with lots of ups and downs and a few weeks ago I ended the relationship. I felt desperate and eventually started thinking I wanted to give it another go, he did too so we decided to try again. Problem is he had to move to his mums in another city when we split up and getting back together would mean him relocating to where I live and starting a fresh, but soon after I'd decided I wanted to try again I started having massive doubts about him moving over. I've told him how I feel and of course he's very concerned and wants me to make a decision, but I feel completely incapable of doing this and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to decide either way.

I've been doing some reading on the net and found something about being a love addict, I have always had really messy break ups as I can't seem to let go, and I once became obsessed with someone I had a brief fling with for years (and I think I still am a bit if I'm honest!) so now I'm thinking this might be what's wrong with me. I know all break ups are hard but I'm finding either option impossible to face and keep changing how I feel every time I come close to deciding. I've always been ridiculously indecisive but this is taking over everything to the point where I'm depressed, feeling stressed and would rather climb into a hole and never come out then make this decision. Part of the reason I'm clinging on is that I have depression and at the minute am very down so I think maybe that's why I'm not feeling overly happy about us being back together and when I'm better things will improve. I feel like I can't keep going to my friends with problems about this relationship as they must be thinking 'just get out of it once and for all!' I don't know what responses I expect or whether they'll help but I think writing this is at least a way to get it out! If anyone can relate to this or has any advice a comment would be much appreciated

I had depression when I left my ex. We'd been together nearly 5 years. He was having an affair. Even so, I still had moments of, "but it might work". I had to keep reminding myself that rose coloured glasses wouldn't help either of us. I wrote down all the reasons I'd left him, including some that weren't related to the affair (he was selfish and cold) and whenever I had a wobble I'd read them and ask if I could put up with that again. For me the answer was no.

In regards to your feelings towards the brief fling, obviously when you're with someone for a short time you don't see their failings, you don't have to put up with the mundane reality of every day life with that person so they can appear perfect in your eyes. It's very normal.

I don't think there's anything "wrong" with you at all. Talk to your friends about it, I'm sure they'd rather talk it through with you and help you rather than you stressing about it alone. I know you may not want to hear 'Just get out of it', but friends do tend to have your best interests at heart and they may surprise you with what they say.