It's all your fault, 'fucking Mumsnet'

[BestestBrownies]

..... for all my recent 'demanding behaviour'

We demand you leave the bastard

Oh my h hates mn too.

And it has nothing to do with the fact that you all helped me nail his internet infidelity after half a decade!

What are you demanding? MN is good for helping raise your standards I've found.

Exactly! I have been a bloody doormat for way too long. It's only since obsessing over discovering Mumsnet that I've realised I am.

Oh and Rabid, I will be very soon

Send him here, honey, and we'll assess how blameless he is by weighing him against the proverbial feather

I find MN quite scary to be truthfull. On a half the threads I read there's always a pack ganging up on some poor poster, the advice is invariably to leave the bastard and woman think entitled to what the other gender is forbidden (respect, free time etc...).Thank god it has nothing to do with RL.

Have been reading the red flag thread this morning like this:

"Yep, yep, that too, OMG! Yep, yep" sigh

I am laughing at jollyjumper

Did you get lost dear ?

[sympathetic head tilt]

Oh I agree Jolly - I hate it when the bitching gets out of control on some threads, but I tend to leave those and am more of a lurker than a poster anyway

I just wish I'd known about MN 10 years ago

Yes Jolly, all those women bullied into leaving their poor misunderstood husbands
Really, is that what you see?

I see countless women helped to see that they have choices and given support in the most awful situations.

"Always a pack ganging up on some poor poster" ? You must be reading a different board to the one I read then.

My STBXH has blamed my counsellor, my family, my friends, and the menopause for me wanting to divorce him and cannot accept its because he's behaved like a selfish arrogant entitled twunt I'm sure if he knew about MN he'd blame it too! Don't worry about it OP

Reading the MN boards (esp EA relationships ones), has helped me see exactly that Malificence. Call it an awakening if you will, but it's like a light switch has been flicked on in my head and I can't switch it off again, even if I wanted to.

Agreed bertie - I have tried talking to him about the same issues over and over again. He promises to change, but then refuses to modify any of his behaviour.

Thank fuck we don't have any kids

Me too BB. My ex accused me of reading books, seeing a counsellor and speaking to a solicitor (lol guilty as charged!). I never told him about MN. He would have found out how I got the courage to do the right thing at last!...i.e. L.T.B....and we all know what that stands for. It's almost a cliche here...but sadly it's so often the appropriate advice for posters on this forum.

Great name Lovingfreedom

If it wasn't for MN I might think I was going mad, as the ppl I've told in RL have all reacted with shock at why I should want to leave such a 'lovely' man. Will pull my hair out if I have to explain again that he's only lovely for their benefit and NEVER like that when it's just the two of us.

I have to laugh when people say Mumsnet encourages all these women to leave perfectly good marriages. Whenever I read the relationships section, I'm never remotely tempted to start finding fault in my marriage, because I've been lucky enough to find a husband who doesn't belittle me, doesn't abuse me, doesn't try to control me, doesn't lie to me, wants me to have an independent life and actively budgets for me to do stuff, sees housework and childcare as his responsibility too... If Mumsnet was such a den of man-hating harpies, whose misandry infects all who come near, surely they could convince me to LTB. Not happened yet though, funnily enough.

You've experienced the phenomena known as 'The Awakening', Brownies, and once the bright light has dawned there's no way to turn it off

No dc? Unless he's loaded you have considerable joint assets to fight over divide, divorce him online and avoid racking up costly legal fees.

It's only on this site that I found out that it was OK for me to be so upset because my husband made me have sex 6 weeks after a baby and the subsequent stitches.

"It's 6 weeks, the doctor said it would be fine after 6 weeks".

atosilis my DM was horrified when I told her a friend had had sex 4 weeks after giving birth (willingly) and basically said how dreadful to set a precedence - all men will expect it!

Probably more light hearted than your post, I don't know your situation, but I find DM and her friends very honest about things like that, more so than friends my own age. They are also upset that the aftercare for new mums is so lacking compared to what they had, but did say antenatal classes and actually giving birth is much better now!

I discovered this site 6 months after xh left and over the last couple of years it has been invaluable in giving me an insight into just how awful he was and hence quickened my relief at being free. Importantly it has also given me a sense of humour about it all which is a much nicer aftertaste than bitterness

He would hate it and mock it endlessly if I had ever been on it when we were together, amongst his many qualities misogyny was high on the list

Isn't your youngest dc living away from home, atosolis?

What happpened re your h's appointment with his GP?

It has helped me to identify that it wasn't just my father that gave me a toxic childhood, but my mother also, and that many of my current mental health problems are worsened by her, rather than helped. It's encouraging me to stand alone and get counselling. And that I am better off single and waiting for a man who respects me than in some of the dating situations I have been in with manipulative and almost abusive men. And to identify rape in all it's forms, and that it's not my fault for falling asleep drunk in someone else's bed.

I am fairly exorcising all my demons thanks to this site. It's helping me to grow past it.

Will have to shoot off for the school run in a mo (so as not to confuse - I'm a nanny), but how do I go about divorcing him online izzy?

Fortunately I have opened a secret bank account and got together enough funds to leave (thanks again Mumsnet ), and all we have together are a few sticks of second-hand furniture that he's welcome to keep unless I can flog them on ebay

Go to www.direct.gov.uk click on Government, citizens and rights and scroll down to Divorce, separation and relationship breakdown.

You can DIY and get any help you may need with filling out the forms etc from the Legal matters board.

Izzy - I rang a doctor friend and he advised me not to contact OH's doctor as he (doc) didn't know me from Eve and had no reason to believe what I was saying.

We are living more and more separate lives. I am in another bedroom and we haven't had sex for about 3 months. I have found the paper work from when I went to a solicitor in 2009 and have looked closely at the info I have to provide - mn advice again.

His behaviour 2 weeks ago was so irrational - and viewed by most of the family - that I feel much calmer. This weekend is a biggie with lots of family around, so I can see myself as a detached observer making notes.

Jeez, what is your doctor friend on???!!! Your h's GP won't take any notice of what his nearest and dearest dw is saying about his health and wellbeing? What utter tosh - I sincerely hope he's not a GP.

Now your dc are grown there's nothing to stop you from divorcing online using the link I've provided for Brownies and, providing you are not co-habiting as in sharing the same bed, you can petition for divorce while you're living under the same roof as your h.