Signs of toxic parents

[arthurfowlersallotment]

I have a friend who, as far back as I can remember, had a poor relationship with her mother. (Her dad was never in the picture).

Some of the issues from childhood include:
-her mum had no faith in daughter's abilities
-would threaten to leave- leaving my friend insecure and anxious.
-would taunt her about how crap her father was and say she was just like him.

Now, my friend is a mum herself to a 3 yr old DS that she dotes on. However her mum, as I can see, is still pretty distant and not very supportive- my friend is also a single parent. my friend thinks her upbringing was fine and that her mother was just that kind of personality. I disagree and think she was toxic- but I am not going to get into a discussion with her incase I overstep the mark and upset her.

Do you think her mum is toxic? What are the signs of it?

Or is it just down to her personality type and recognising that bringing up a child alone is tough and we all make mistakes.

Your friends mother does sound cruel and unloving so i would say she is toxic!

I'm sure your friend, deep down knows that her mother treated her badly but maybe she brushes over it as a way of coping? Perhaps the memories are too painful to think about.

I would leave it tbh, because you could end up upsetting your friend. If you friends ever wants to discuss her mother then of course, listen to her and support her.

I prefer to think of 'relationships' being toxic rather than 'people'.

Your friend may juet feel it isn't worth raking it over if she has come to terms with what she can expect from her mum.

Sometimes I get angry on her behalf- she's very relaxed about her upbringing but she does carry the scars which manifest as low self worth. I won't ever push the issue with her- I guess I wanted perspective.