Disgusted with self - got a teenage crush on colleague :(

[Diana2000]

This is so mortifying. I'm 36 years old and very happily married to an absolutely lovely man. I'd never, ever cheat on him and do know how lucky I am to be with him.

However, I've recently started a new part time job and to my horror, have developed a full on crush on one of my colleagues. There is absolutely nothing going on and he has given me no reason whatsoever, ie flirting, to think about him this way. But I can't stop thinking about him and, even what is even more cringeworthy, fantasising about him constantly :blush:

I honestly am so disgusted with myself and embarrassed about this even though it's just in my head. And I do know how pathetic this sounds, coming from a woman of my age. It feels involuntary though, like the crushes I had on boys when I was in my teens. Oh god, maybe this is a hormonal thing that means I'm menopausal???

Has this happened to anyone else? I'm really hoping this is normal and doesn't mean I'm a total deviant :(

By the way, I'm being very careful about the way I interact with this man - ie making sure I don't either make too much or too little eye contact with him, don't smile too much but don't seem awkward either (I hope!). If he suspected anything, I really do think I'd die of shame.

bubalou now you actually make it sound quite healthy to have crushes, in a weird way! It must be because you're so open about it with your DH :)

Glad it's not just me!! The past week or two I've been trying to quell a crush on a friend's friend who tried to chat me up when we all went out together (until he realised I was married). Was seriously flattered as a) he's a lot younger than me, b) he's blimmin gorgeous - seriously out of my league and c) he seems a genuinely lovely person. Made me feel like a teenager again - all giddy and excited Thankfully he lives over 100 miles away so the chances of bumping into him and making a fool of myself are very slim!

Thanks Diana

Me & my husband are very, very open with each other - not like key swapping open but just very honest.

I just don't really mind if he finds other women attractive. I'd find it weird if he wasn't?

If we walk down the street and I see a woman I know he would think is hot I say 'there's a fittie for you over there' and he usually has a glance and says 'yeah she's nice / ok / hot'. I have lots of male friends and when i go out the next day there will always be photos of me on Facebook having hugs etc with male mates. He doesn't care one bit.

We have always been this way. He loves me so much and is still after 5 years of marriage telling me how beautiful / gorgeous I am all the time and I do the same to him - because he is, no seriously he is. Hot. Really hot. Well I think so

Gosh, monkeys I can see why you'd be a little starry eyed for a while after that! It sounds like quite a lovely experience actually, just having that frisson and flattery without any danger of it being poisoned by becoming real.

Ooh I feel for you. I have been happily married to my childhood sweetheart for years yet I have a stupid attraction to a man in our social group. I get butterflies when we go to the same party His wife gets on my nerves but he and I have enjoy do each other's company. It is all I can do to not flirt and embarrass myself, DH (and him - he'd probably be horrified!) Hoping it'll pass LOL.

Not sure what I was saying on line 3

Wow, bubalou I'm genuinely in awe of how secure you and your DH are. I know that my DH must fancy other women, it would be bizarre if he didn't. But I don't think I could bear to hear him say so, I'm just not confident enough not to see it as a threat. He's the same too, or rather I'm sure he would be, as he's been slightly jealous of me having work friendships in the past with very nice but very physically unappealing men.

feeltheforce oh no, butterflies! Hope it passes soon, unless you're actually enjoying the giddiness It's weird how these feelings are so lovely when you're unattached and you meet someone gorgeous but so mortifying when it's an inappropriate crush.

Thanks diana.

I think that when it comes to this you are either built this way or not and it is then reinforced by the partner you are with.

I had a previous partner who i was the same with - until he started accusing me of cheating and it turned out a few months later he'd cheated on me with someone we both knew. I did give him another chance (I was very young and stupid) and i was jealous and uptight in those extra 6 months we spent together. I didn't like that person I become and so we broke up.

My DH however i have no such issues with. He has had stag do's etc at strip clubs like 'spearmint rhino' and they don't bother me - my friends go nuts and then ban their partners from such things. heehee.

When the lads were leaving for my DH's stag do (magaluf) for 4 days I gave the best man £50 and told him to treat DH to some dances out there.

He did make a joke that they could get more then a dance for £50 but I told him that was my limit I'm not that laid back.

I have had a crush on the same man, off and on, for years now.Sometimes it's quite intense (to whit: the time I had a very rude dream about him ) and then it all goes away and he's just my friend again. It doesn't help that he resembles David Boreanaz rather remarkably (DB is my all-time favourite sleb crush)

I just enjoy the crush while it lasts and then the easy friendship when it passes.

Oh my god (panting like a dog) David Boreananz.

He is my all time favourite hot celebrity.

Well done for resisting! heehee

I had a lovely boss at my last job . Stop worrying, a little private thought or two never hurt anyone, but make sure you keep it very professional in real life. We all find people attractive, but you just have to keep the line very very clear in these situations I think.

I think that when it comes to this you are either built this way or not and it is then reinforced by the partner you are with.
Yep, I tend to agree. You actually sound like a friend of mine who's totally cool with her DP going on overseas stag dos involving strip clubs and will quite happily say that he's mentioned that he fancies this or that woman. She really doesn't seem fazed by any of it and I'm always amazed that anyone can be so laid back. It clearly works for them though :) I'm kind of in the opposite camp, ie NOT ok ever with any hint that my DH may be into someone else. Hmm maybe this is why I feel so horrified and guilty about my work crush... hadn't really thought of it that way.

Shodan sounds like an ideal way to deal with if. Does he have any idea, if you don't mind my asking?

littlebluechair there's no way I'm going to do anything to let him or anyone else know.

@ bubalou. Just as well I love my DH so much!

Diana2000 I sincerely hope not! It's easier in a way anyway cos he's my karate instructor so I can relieve any pent-up feelings by giving him a sound thumping

Nothing wrong with it at all, I've only been with current partner for 3 years so not reached that stage yet but was with my ex a lot longer and had quite a few crushes at work!! though i would never have dreamt of cheating :) totally normal, give yourself a break!! :o)

Shodan

modifiedmum thanks, I'm feeling far less ashamed now I've posted this thread and seen that so many other people have these feelings too. Still wish it would go away but I'll hopefully feel less embarrassed next time I see him.

Surely this is what the privacy of your own head is for?

I remember Jon Bon Jovi (of all people!) saying to an interviewer once who asked him if he still found other women attractive, even though he was married, and he said 'I'm married, not blind', which I thought was a good answer

I have crushes on two blokes at work, both of whom have partners. I'd never ever in a million years do anything about it but it's nice to have someone tasty to look at from time to time!