Not sure if this is the appropriate forum but couldn't see anywhere else it would fit.
I've been awake since 3am, can't sleep and all I can think about is this part of my past. This is happening quite frequently lately.
First I'll explain how I saw things back then. I was 15, fat, ugly and unpopular. I used to go with my friend to her bf's house. He had a 27 year old brother, who I had sex with when I was there.
Now I'm 29 and it's kind of dawning on me what actually happened with him. He was a drug dealer, recently out of prison. While at his house, we would eventually be left alone in his room. He would give me valium and I would take it. Then he would have sex with me (with a condom, thank god). This is the point in my life that my self harming got a lot worse. That's something I'm mostly over, until right now, those thoughts are surfacing too.
I'm disgusted to the point of tears. I thought about waking my husband up and telling him what's on my mind but I'm not ready for that. I don't want to go through this anymore.
Thanks for reading, just wanted to get it off my chest but advice of where to go with this would be welcome.
Have name changed by the way.