Domestic violence and your GP - helpful or not?

[timetosmile]

I've seen a few people affected by DV recently and they have very mixed experiences of how they have been treated by their past GPs and Practice staff. Some sad stories and some brilliant ones.

Without wanting to stir up difficult memories for anyone, could you please share what went well, or badly if you ever had a discussion about DV with your GP?
Did they raise the topic because of some suspicion, such as your mental health or injuries?
Did you raise it with them, and if so, what did you hope to achieve?

I guess I'm trying to learn how to deal with people affected with DV in a better way......thanks x

I have had terrible and brilliant treatment by GP's regarding my own experience of DV. Saw two who really really didnt want to know. At all.

One actually said to me you should be going to the police about this not coming here. This was when I had already told him what had happened to me, that I had reported it to the police and that they had asked me to visit to get my injuries recorded. I said this very briefly. He then did what he was asked, virtually without speaking even when I showed him my badly swollen ear and said how much it hurt.
He didnt look me in the eye once after I had told him why I was there and certainly did not enquire as to my mental state or if I was getting any support. I told him I was very distressed and couldnt sleep etc. He actually said I would just have to get over it! I was acually bemused at the time.

Previous to the above incident I saw a female GP who I showed an enormous bruise on my thigh. I told her how it had occurred and that I wasnt going to go to the police but had been advised to have it recorded. This was 2 years before the above and never it was referred to in any visit I made to the surgery afterwards. She never gave me any advice, suggested I go to the police or anything. If she had seen this for what it was, a cry for help, I might have had a much happier less abused past few years.....

Subsequent to the above I decided to try another GP in the same practice. He has been wonderful to me and been an enormous support. I couldnt fault him. He has even called me to see how I was following a very bad migraine type episode. He told me recently how well I was doing and that I should be very proud of myself for getting through the trial etc. My ex was convicted of assaulting me after 6 months of hell.

Hope that helps OP.

My GP was the first professional person I told (after a thread on here gearing me up to take that first step). I sobbed and told the female GP that my partner was sexually abusing me (inserting fingers), had pet names for it, made me chose which orifice he did it in, did it infront of my baby, laughed while he did it. She suggested couples counselling.

I dont think I need say anything else!

Twinkle! Hello! . Cabbage here.

My GP said 'oh dear. would you like some diazepam?'

Lesson learnt for anyone going is, despite how out of control you feel, you MUST ask for counselling if you want it, as it won't necessarily be offered.

I first spoke to my health visitor, but I downplayed it a lot, said my H was being possessive of the baby. I couldn't explain that when he was angry at me, he used to disappear with my baby and not let me hold her/feed her. She just laughed and said a lot of new fathers were like that. To be fair, I couldn't expect her to be a mind-reader, and I really didn't articulate the issue.

Like NoMore, my GP just offered anti-depressants. At that stage I was already in contact with the IDVA and had been to the police and was seeing a counsellor, so things were in motion for me to leave. I didn't really need anything from the GP, and went because I was advised by my counsellor to get things on record. Ex wasn't beating me up, but was horrendously controlling and emotionally abusive, so again, I suppose I can see why the GP was at a bit of a loss.

At a minimum, I believe GPs should make sure the person has the details of Women's Aid/IDVA. They also need to show some compassion, say that you're doing the right thing by reporting the abuse, and reassure that there is help out there and that you don't have to live like this.

My GP was great. But then, I only spoke to her after I had already got out, and each time I went to see her, I knew exactly what I wanted to ask her to do for me - whether it was to sign me off work, prescribe ADs, or refer me for counselling.

She did more than I asked her for, because she has excellent bedside manner: encouraged me to talk, gave me helpful practical advice on healthy eating and advce on activities to take my mind off things and lower anxiety.

But generally, with GPs as with anyone else, people very rarely know what the right thing to do is, and it helps if you already know what you need them to do to help you, and ask for it.

Yes, it would be great if there were guidelines for GPs to follow when they suspect/hear of DV, as there is for the police. (Are there such guidelines?) But even with guidelines, not every GP is going to have the right reaction every time.

It is very hard as a DV victim to get to the stage where you feel entitled to ask for help, but IME it is once that state of mind is achieved that the right kind of help is forthcoming, whether from a GP or from anyone else.

I guess I believe there should be a mix of official guidelines once DV is suspected/declared, and of DV victims taking charge of the requests for the kind of support they would like to receive.

I don't have an experience to share as I never went to the GP for that reason, but I think it should be best practice for every GP's surgery to display the Power and Control Wheel.

There is also a questionnaire to be used by first responders, but I am on my phone and can't find the link to it at present.

Maybe we should all write to our GP and ask if they have had training in identifying and dealing with victims of DV and if they would at least display the Power and Control wheel?

Thanks so much all, I know it may have been a period of your lives you didn't want to revisit.

hot there are some helpful guidelines and 'first steps' for GPs but I don't think they are as widely used or publicised as similar ones for alcohol abuse or depression.

thistle yes the duluth wheel is helpful isn't it? I'll think about putting one up in the waiting room too.

My experiences are terrible and great. My first GP (male, middle-aged, affluent rural area) suggested relationship counselling. He also gave my ex access to my medical records as my ex insisted on going to see him 48-72 hours after I went and sweet-talked him into it.

My next GP had been on the Home Office IRIS pilot (also male, city based, younger) and was and has been fantastic. He linked me up with a DV worker and was so helpful and adult about medication. For example, he prescribed me sleeping tablets for a year because he knew in my case it was appropriate even though it's not in the guidelines. He's also been good about signing me off work as I've developed borderline CFS/ME.

OP, it sounds like you work in a GP practice. I'm starting work in one shortly and am also considering what I can do to make sure they are switched on to DV, especially the non-physical forms.

Male GP allowed ex to convince him that I was mentally ill, and when the police asked him for a report regarding Exs threats, falsified the report because he had been manipulated (albeit by an incredibly manipulative man) Since the truth has come to light, the same GP has been overly polite and 'nice' but I will only see him if it's an absolute emergency.

Many years ago, my old, lovely, caring female GP asked me directly if there was any physical violence in the relationship. The problem was that Ex was sitting beside me and I could feel his breath on my face. She looked me straight in the eye. Am convinced she knew and inside my head I was screaming 'Just tell her, just tell her...' Then I heard myself say 'Oh no - definately not' I suppose there wasn't anything else she could do but I regret that second nearly every day.

This thread seems to have opened a whole can of worms, particularly as advice is often "see your GP"!!

Without wanting to go into great detail I had a friend for over 40 years who is a GP. She has been so appalling in her friendship of me - and she was the first person I ever told - that now I am nearing recovery from my experiences I have decided it is appropriate for me to no longer have her as a friend. I fled to her house in fear of my life with my son who was then 14. She let me come home to Ex. He spoke to her and I am sure she though I was being over dramatic. She knew at the time that he was being very controlling of me, reading my emails, checking my phone, checking my internet history etc. I could NOT have found out about women's aid for myself at that time. As both a friend of long standing and a GP I trusted her. It was misplaced. She clearly did not know about Womens Aid or indeed anything about helping or even recognising DV victims. The last straw was recently when I was very angry about something regarding my divorce. Any other friend would have just been angry with me but not her. She told me "your counselling is not working if your are so angry". Unbelievable. That was the end for me.

I wouldn't advise a friend experiencing DV to go to their GP, simply because I think GPs don't have the right training to deal with it. The GP could be fantastic and helpful but they could equally trot out the "get relationship counselling" line or ignore the problem. DV is a very sensitive issue and GPs just don't have the expertise to deal with it. I think if they receive any training on the issue, it should be in the specialised services that are available, so that they can advise any person they suspect of suffering from DV to go to those services. Of course if a GP wants to go further and help the victim directly, fine, but if a GP doesn't know what to say or doesn't feel up to helping then they should at least have up to date information on who can actually help.

cailin you are right. The role includes facilitating access of specialist services, but at GPs are a frequent first port of call for women, both who want to disclose DV, but also those suffering the physical and mental sequelae and I'm looking at how better they can perhaps tease out what's behind the frequent attendace for headaches/anxiety etc. Also GPs are often responsible to ongoing mental and physical health of these women they may have long term relationships with.

I must say, you are all being very helpful, thanks x

Just asked my GP dh.

He has a few sets of leaflets on his desk, smoking cessation etc, includin the one for local women's aid, which has more than once started a conversation.

He's documented injury for the police, written court reports, even been to court as a witness in dv cases. He has a special interest in psychiatry and counselling (not that the psychiatry comes into it for the women!) and provides basic counselling himself while someone is on a waiting list (with the supervision of the local women's aid counsellor and the local clinical psychology team).

He listens, he refers, he responds as much as he is able to.