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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

my DH has a monster in law

6 replies

wannaBe1974 · 17/03/2006 18:22

In contrast to the Monster in law thread, My mother and I have fallen out for the umpteenth time recently and it's really starting to do my head in.

For anyone who hasn't read my rantings about my mother, she is somewhat of a control freak.

She always insists on knowing where I am, if I'm not at home she rings my mobile, if I don't answer my mobile she's been known to drive round the neighbourhood looking for me. if she's here and I receive a phone call or text she insists on knowing who it is and gets very offensive if I don't tell her. She thinks my DS is her baby, and as she seems to lack the ability to play with him, she insists on bringing round endless amounts of toys and sugar laiden things for him to eat just before dinner time. I'm not allowed to discipline him in front of her, and she's been known to tell him that he has a "nasty mummy". She criticises everything I do, nothing I ever do is good enough, one example is that when I received my final exam results when finishing school, we went out the next day and I indicated we might get some champagne to celebrate my results to which she replied "I don't really think there's much worth celebrating", when three years before when my sister had got her results, my mum had taken her and some friends out for champagne to celebrate, and she didn't get as good marks as I did.

Anyway I could ramble on and on and on about her and could probably write a novel, but today has been yet another in a long line of fallings out.

We're contemplating moving in the next year or so. Reason being that DH currently commutes to London and as has changed job recently is now working much longer hours and new job is more stressful and so he's extremely tired and just can't hack all the travelling any more. So we want to move closer to London. Thing is, we attempted to do this 18 months ago, sold the house etc, and then i got cold feet two weeks before and we pulled out at the last minute, but circumstances have changed now and I feel more ready/confident about moving and I think we should do it because it's not fair on my DH any more. So today I dropped the bombshell that we'll probably move in the next year or so, and there was lots of huffing and puffing and tutting, and swearing, and shouting "well that's alright for your DH, but what about you"! to which I replied that things were different now, most of the friends I was afraid of leaving behind have moved on anyway so there's nothing to keep me here now. and then she said "but what about family". to which I replied that I never see them anyway (see them in passing, but last spent extended period of time with them over christmas, considering they live up the road) so she then snapped that the reason I don't see them is my fault, which I acknowledged, but said that that wasn't what I was implying, more that family isn't a reason to stay somewhere and that she should know that (we grew up in south africa so didn't have family around then). She huffed and tutted some more and then left. I just know that she will go bitching to my sister and that my sister will be on the phone with a lecture as to why I can't move and why I'll never cope on my own in a strange place (despite the fact that I cope perfectly well on my own here) etc etc etc.

Not necessarily looking for answers but just wanted to rant really.

OP posts:
Freckle · 17/03/2006 19:12

If I were you, I'd just let them get on with all their huffing and puffing, agree with what they say and then just go ahead and do what you want.

mandieb · 17/03/2006 22:07

your not going to give them the address when you move are you ? LOL

MeerkatsUnite · 18/03/2006 07:22

wannabe,

Your Mother is a "toxic parent". She is controlling and control is all about power.

The book by Susan Forward called "Toxic Parents" may be of some use to you.

I personally think the further you move away from them the better.

Carmenere · 18/03/2006 09:18

Move away asap and remember absense makes the heart grow fonder.

saltire · 18/03/2006 11:49

Defiantely do the move. It will be good for everyone, especially if she is as controlling as you say.
My mum does the thing with the phones. She calls me every day, and if i don't answer she will try my mobile, and asks
where i am, who i'm with, what i'm doing. If i don''t tell her she goes in a huff and says
"It's just because i care" Once, when i was pg with Ds1, we went out for a meal for my birthday, When we got back, it was quite late and i did 1471, it was her number. I decided to leave it until the morning. next day at 7am we were woken by knocking at the door. It was DH's colleagues (he's miitary). She had phoned the camp and said that something really bad must have happened becasue she had tried all night to get us and there was no answer. Needless to say Dh was furious.
So i can sympathsise, although yours sounds a bit worse than mine

mum2sam · 19/03/2006 15:21

oh my god snap. Mil is not speaking to us cus we are buying a house near my mum which wasnt a deliberate decision. Anyway shes cut ties with dh and our ds wtf did he do.

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