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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think I've had enough now.

26 replies

ASheepInWolfsClothing · 11/09/2012 19:40

So I don't post much but I do read the relationship forum quite a bit, and I know I will get some good advice and opinions here.

Our back story is, married 10yrs 2 dc one teen and one under 10. Dc2 has asd and learning disability. We got the official Diagnosis a couple of months ago.
Dh has always had a hygiene problem and this evening has been the straw that broke the camels back. Basically we were asked would we like to attend a talk explaining the issues that asd kids may face. I had already had a few one to one sessions , dh didn't attend because of work ( my job is more flexible) and the evening sessions would cover most of what I had already gone over. So rightly or not I signed dh up for the evening session hoping that we would be able to get a sitter and I could go too, but that dh would have a chance at least to listen to an expert on the subject. He was a bit put out tbh at the thoughts of "having to go".
Anyway he came in from work , dinner on the table as soon as he sat down. Meaning he had just under a hr after eating in which to get ready, I left it about 20 mins or so and said I left your clothes on the bed, and clean towels in the bathroom, I hadn't finished my sentence when he told me he was going as he was, bearing in mind he works a very physical job and his uniform is scruffy even when clean. So I said "but you really need a shower" he just tutted and said I'm only going to sit and listen to someone talk!

At this stage I feel like his mother, I did try to explain its about respect and it takes 10 mins out of your day to wash, and I pointed out that last winter in -degrees and no heading I still managed to wash every day!

I'm really sorry this is probably all over the place but I'm on my phone and can't scroll up to check it over. An I over reacting?

OP posts:
ASheepInWolfsClothing · 12/09/2012 07:13

I couldn't go with him last night because we had no sitter, I was just going to tell him if he couldn't bother to wash then I would go instead but I would have needed to have more time to prepare dc2 that I was going out. And because I've done the sessions already on a one to one basis I really wanted him to understand iykwim? if I didn't push him to go he wouldn't have bothered.

I don't think he's depressed, he does stress about work - in fact it's all he talks about, But not something he is willing to change. He was ranting last night about something he felt was unjust and I was thinking if only he put as much energy in to our relationship things might have been different!

OP posts:
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