Should I get married - 2 months til wedding

[meercat2010]

I met my husband to be just over two years ago and fell head over heels. We get on 90% of the time and are very happy when it's just us or with my children. The problem is with his children. Actually - it's not the children - but the way he lets them manipulate him (they are 15 and 17). They continually disrupt our lives. I have tried to withdraw a bit to help my sanity and also to agree an approach to certain tricky issues with my partner - but he just caves to give them what they ask for. I have finally got him to agree to counselling - but I'm exhausted and not sure we can get through this. I've already been through a divorce. Do we cancel the wedding? Do we call time on our relationship?

It's somewhat worrying that you've drawn such a very distinct line between your dc.

It seems that you'rer implying that everything's hunky dory when the pair of you are with your dc but you're not happy when his dc around. How old are your dc?

Is it possible that you're jealous of the ease with which his teenage dd can persuade him to buy her what she wants rather than what you think she should have because, if so, you need to be aware that it may get a lot worse.

Is there also a possibility that his DD is finding her dad's imminent marriage hard to cope with and therefore isn't being quite as cooperative as she could be? She probably needs attention and sympathetic treatment at this time as well, it's a big change for everyone.

Best of luck OP, it's a delicate situation and you are doing your best to manage it.

If you aren't sure, you should cancel the wedding, or at least put it on hold for a year or two.

Remember, the DCs are going through a massive change right now in themselves, they are becoming adults and working out what sort of adults they will be. Most teenagers and self centred and selfish. Most are difficult. I would say if your DSD is off to uni next year then give her 12 months away from home and you'll see a young woman not a stroppy child returning to your house.

If there is no rush, then waiting until his DCs are older makes sense. (It's so close for you).

Also, I would have dealt with the DSD wedding outfit issue by making her a bridesmaid. Then get her an evening gown that's a bit more classy and make her a big part of the day.

I can see they stress you out, but honestly the dress thing is just a no-brainer, she will not upstage you as everyone will look at her and think 'gosh, teenager wearing tight dress'. You can't start policing stuff like that or you will go mad (obviously for school it's different), at least once over a certain age.

To be honest, you sound a little controlling. Dictate what your stepdaughter should wear to your wedding? Because it is YOUR day and YOU should be center of attention? I wonder who is the biggest teen drama queen here, you or your SD?

I would never have told my stepdaughter what to wear at our wedding. If your stepdaughter wears inappropriate clothes to a wedding she's the one who will look a bit daft and get fed up with comments from uncles etc. You just shrug and say "teenagers!"
My teenage kis are harder work re decisions at last minute now than they were as young kids. On the plus side they sleep well, wake late, eat most things and are off doing their own thing much of the time.
I think if you are exhausted it's because you are trying to control things too much and are getting overinvolved. I accept that with my stepkids stepmother is just a title and I have no real say in what goes on in their lives and leave my husband to it and expect him to leave me to decisions about my kids. If my kids decided to be with me for one weekend at the last minute not their dad i wouldn't expect him to make a fuss about it. On the other hand I wouldn't change any plans we had made to accomodate my kids, if they are with us they fit in with us, just like kids who live with their parents all the time.
Age 15 and 17 if they often don't want to come they will soon be coming less anyway. It's just every other weekend, book some stuff of your own to do on some of those weekends. I think step parents can be nit picky with teenagers in a way parents aren't, I encourage my husband to go out and do stuff when my kids are here for the weekend as he seems to have a personality change when they are around and can't stop moaning about trivia and making snide comments.