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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hurting inside!

3 replies

Tamara80 · 11/09/2012 10:05

Hi, i am hoping that someone will be able to help me. my husband and i have been together for 8 years, married for 7. We have two boys which we both love dearly. The past couple of years have been frustrating. I am so unhappy in this relationship and at times i want to leave. I think my husband is a control freak, he thinks i over react! He treats me like a child! whatever i say or do its wrong. when he wants to talk to me i have to go to him. i'm so unhappy. Whenever i try to tell him how i feel he says i watch to much tv and dramatise everything. He constantly aggrevates me and winds me up to the point where i eventually snap so then he tells me i need help and need to see a doctor. In front of our friends he is really nice to me. I am a stay at home mum as my youngest son is only 18 months, he is always critisising me for not working.
We,ve not had any intimacy in 2 years. I feel too scared to say or do anything incase its wrong. He has no respect for me and finds an argument with everything. I feel like a maid. Im always unhappy, i get angry with the boys. Some days he can be overly nice but there are times when he will come home from work and completley ignore me for days. when i ask what the problem is he shouts at me to leave him alone. then after days of ignoring me he will wake up one morning like nothing is wrong and have a normal conversation with me. This leaving me very confused. Whenever i try to have a conversation he doesn't listen to me and starts talking about something else, ignoring me and talking over me. Whenever i discipline the kids, i do that wrong. I've had enough!

I think what i want to know is, am i being childish? or is he treating me badly?

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 11/09/2012 10:35

You are being treated badly.

he does not respect you as a person:^he thinks i over react! He treats me like a child! whatever i say or do its wrong. when he wants to talk to me i have to go to him^
He is controlling and belittles you as a parent
He gives you a few "nice" days to keep you trapped
You walk on eggshells to keep him happy, but this is impossible to do because he always finds something to be unhappy about

This is emotional abuse

You might like to look at this link check list for emotional abuse and I recommend you read Lundy Bancroft "Why does he do that?"here

There is a support thread with many useful links at the start.support thread

Keep posting, you are not alone.

Guiltypleasures001 · 11/09/2012 10:48

Morning op, I agree your being belittled and controlled and nothing you will ever do will ever be right , the bar will always be raised, as in his eyes you are always wrong. The problem is if you stay and your boys get older they might god forbid treat you the same way through learned behaviour from him, I have seen this happen with a friend.

Ide make plans to either get him out or leave, this cant go on, your sanity is at stake here. x

Tamara80 · 11/09/2012 11:26

Thankyou so much for your help. I thought about emotional abuse but just thought i was being silly. I will follow the links you've mentioned. Thankyou again x

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