Friendship ishooo - AIBU?

[mcmooncup]

I think this might be long - I'll try and keep it short.

I have a friend who I have known and been close to for 10 years. We genuinely have been v.close so I have told her everything, her the same me (or so I thought).

Last year I broke up with my H of 15 years because he was abusive. She knows all the full glory details because I have told her.

Anyway, she has split up with her H this year - she was having an affair....which actually finished pretty much as soon as she finished it with her husband for him (another story) but then almost immediately got together with another guy who we both know who absolutely is a known abuser, woman hater, basic pig. I'm not being dramatic there.....he really is. Anyway within a few weeks he has fixed her house up, taken her on holiday, oh, and moved himself in.

She knows that I am worried about her, I have said it. She has said he has changed and she won't let anyone control her, she can handle it and has never been so happy. So, nothing more I can do and have left it at just that I am worried about her.

Anyway to get to the point, she has told new man everything I have ever told her about my life - including flings I have had since I split with my ex. I am pretty upset about that, things were told in confidence. I don't like this man knowing anything about me.

But also something weird has happened with my ex. To cut a very long story short, she waxed his back for him. OK, that is maybe not that weird but what is weird is that she didn't tell me she had done this when we had an actual conversation about my ex waxing his back before he went on holiday with me doing heaving actions about the person who would have had to have done it. So she had an opportunity to say she did it but didn't say anything.

Then, while talking to my ex the other night, we were actually talking about not wanting DS around this man she is now with (he is that bad)- my DS is good friends with her DS - and I joked that she must like abusive men, maybe you should have got in there? And he said, "well actually, she came round one night, drunk, on the pretext of getting some trainers her DS had left, and was very very flirty and I had to say to myself "NO" ' He cooked her dinner and apparently there was some cuddling. He looked like he was lying. I think there may be more to it.

I am literally like WTAF?

She knows what he was like with me.........she is supposed to be my friend.

She has called me twice already today and I have ignored the calls. AIBU or has she crossed the line?

Friend?
Not so much.

So, who are you going to believe? your lying and abusive ex, or your friend?

Her name isn't sharon is it?

I KNOW 2

That is the thing...........is he lying? I have no idea.

It is a fact that she waxed his back and didn't tell me.

It is a fact that she went round when she was drunk. But whether she flirted is not a fact.

It is a fact she has told her new bf all my private details - I know this because of a few things he has said to me

No not Sharon

Oh dear. I din't think this woman is a friend to you or even herself! Why she wants to instigate relationships with known abusers is something that could be looked at in counselling but that isn't your responsibility.
How horrible for you.

This is not jeremy kyle, wrong website love.

Thanks for your kind input nilby. One day I hope to have a perfect life like you

But yes, I'm thinking she has really bad boundary issues - but is it she is just reeling from her recent split from her H ? I suspect not, she did have a very traumatic childhood, which she has never been counselled for.

I would be really sad to lose her as a friend even still - I don't really feel angry just . And I also don't even really want to talk about it - what would be the point?

Well, you can't choose her partners for her, just be there to support her if it goes tits up.

If you can't trust her to be truthful with you then id dump her and find some trustworthy friends. The only woman i ever knew who waxed her husbands back was a bunny boiler

I would ask her why she didn't tell you about the waxing, and take it from there depending on her response. Also challenge her about discussing your private business. Don't tell her anything else

Tbh I would drop her. When I was reading your op my mind was screaming boundaries! She does sound a bit Jeremy Kyle.

In what ways is her new partner abusive?

She did this when he was your ex... But even so dump her, pronto, if not nothing you can change or do for her, she will have to learn that all on her own.