Lost tempers

[WillChangeBackTommorow]

Just testing

Ok, the name change worked.

I'm just having a rant really, I have no one else to talk to now.

I just phoned the police on DH. He lost his temper about something petty, ds1 (12) was still up watching the ceremony. Dh was shouting and he wouldn't stop or leave me alone. I tried to stay calm, but I have a mouth on me too.

I told him if he didn't leave me alone I'd phone the police, he grabbed the house phone and my mobile away from me. I had to make ds do it.

Neither me or my children have been in any physical danger but I'm not stupid and I will not be treated like that, nor will I allow my children to listen to it without consequences.

The police have been and gone, they were lovely, chatted about the olympics and Paralympics as well as doing the formal stuff.

No idea where dh is. I'm worried about him but I don't want him back here. Well, I do, but I can't let him, not with the dc here.

We had a lovely day today. I have no idea how this got so bad so quick.

Fuck.

You called the police because you and your DH were shouting at each other? Did he threaten you / intimidate you?

There's more to this isn't there OP?

He's shouted before? Or at least shown red flags?

well done for calling the police and for showing DC that its not ok to be agressive and abusive.

He was standing in my face shouting at me and following me round the house. He wouldn't leave me alone and I repeatedly asked him to calm down and to leave me alone.

I wasn't even shouting. He properly lost his temper, he completely tore his shirt off himself because he didn't have the guts to throw my iPad which he grabbed of the take one and threatened to smash.

He doesn't get to behave like an animal in front of my (not his) kids and sleep in the same house a couple of hours later. He scared the shit out of my children, who are thankfully asleep now.

yeah thats not ok. You know thats abusive and you (and I applaud you for this) immediately acted to protect your DC and yourself.

what's the backstory here though?

How horrible for you and your children but well done for being so strong and not putting up with his shit!

Sorry, I thought you had shouted too from "I have a mouth on me too".

And the shirt ripping thing sounds intimidating.

Has he done this kind of thing before?

He's lost his temper before, but not to this extent.

The police just phoned me back, he had left the house before they arrived. They phoned him and apparantly he's sleeping in his car tonight. They said he's ok, and said he was very ashamed and sorry when he spoke to them. I told the police they could tell him he can come back tomorrow after the dc are at school.

It could all be fine, but what is this oing to do to my kids? How do I take my husband (who I love) back and get on with what I thought was a happy marriage when they've just seen that? Ds2 (10) was upstairs and in bed, but he knows what happened.

So the police have been and gone without having had a word with him?

What have the police advised you to do?

There's not a huge amount of backstory really.

I do have a mouth in that I can speak p for myself and I will disagree with him when I think it needs to be done, but I can't be doing with big shouty and unproductive rows, especially when the dc are here.

The arguement started because he announced he wanted to go into work early tomorrow instead of driving ds to school, which he normally does on his way to work so that ds2 doesn't have to do a 40 minute drive before he goes to his school. He wanted to do it so he could go to some car thing tomorrow afternoon and still get as many ours in as possible, because hes having a day off on Friday too. I was fine with that, but apparantly I wasn't being supportive enough about him wanting to do something that he would enjoy, because I just said 'that's fine, it's not your responsibility to take my children to school'.

I think he wanted me to be happy that he was doing a nice thing, which I am, but I don't really care that much! Its something I have no interest in, and while I'm happy for him to do it, I'm not about to start doing cartwheels about it. I think he thinks I'm pissed off because he won't earn as much this week, he's contract so only get paid for the hours he does and he has a lot to pay for at the moment.

X post.

It's good the police have had a word with him as you've sent him a clear message that you won't tolerate abusive behaviour in any shape or form.

It remains to be seen whether he's prepared to admit he's completely in the wrong, apologise to your dc, and assure them that he'll never behave like that again - regardless of whether they're around to witness it, as they may be worried that he will take it out on you when they're out of the house.

Don't let him back into your home too easily. It may help to cement the message in his brain if he has to sleep in his car elsewhere for a while and work to prove that he's worthy of another chance.

The police just said to call them back if I need to, but they are satisfied that we arent in any danger and that when he comes back he will be (and is already) genuinely sorry. He was upset on the phone to them apparantly.

Thank you so much for all the replies, I really appreciate it.

I don't want to phone anyone because it's late.

You phoned the police because you and your DH had an out of proportion shouting match?

DH and I have been doing that for 23 years. Far worse than what you discribe sometimes.

DD2 isn't very pleased when we do, which sometimes makes is try to be more sensible.

DD1 shrugs she knows we always kiss and make up.

Never in all those years have I actually slept on the sofa (he's too tall) and I want him to get some sleep he gets up and makes breakfast.

No we don't set the best of example, but sometimes I do think MN has a starry eyed view of married life.

I phoned the police because he wouldn't get out of my face and was scaring my child.

Glad to hear we aren't the only couple that has done this. Does it ever get even a little bit physical with you though?

And do you think you would feel differently if your husband wasn't your children's Father? As the only biological parent in this house, I have the most responsibilty towards my dc. If he was their Dad I think it would be different. He has shown himself to be a good step dad before, but then he goes and does this.

Losing his temper to that extent doesn't seem like normal behaviour to me.

You did the right thing OP, now you have to continue taking NO shit or even better, tell him to fuck right off.

And no, it's not normal to behave like that, well not normal in a healthy relationship anyway. Pretty much par for the course in shit/abusive ones though.

It's not normal and it isn't good for a child to experience it.

Yes, I would feel very different if he wasn't the children's biological father.

We were together 10 years before we had DCs. and engaged six weeks after we met.

We both forgive each other things that would have MN shout " leave the Bastard, why do you put up with her ?"

Now I need to go to bed and give him a big hug because he's taken DD1 cycling, mowed the lawn, oh and because I love him.

Yeah, I usually think the 'leave the bastard' stuff is way over the top on here, and quite often do the spontaneous hug thing just because too.

But that's why I'm so shocked just now and so angry that he took it that bit too far.

Hugs willchangeback, hope you are feeling a bit better this morning. Out of character is very scary.

I guess DHs temper and my tendency to shout back just as loudly is absolutely in character. If I ever thought he was truly out of control I'd leave.