So this looks like the end for real now

[marykat2004]

(Maybe some of you remember me.) Very brief history: DH has heart failure from alcohol and didn't drink for 2 1/2 years. Then his father died last year. DH drank in secret until i finally caught him in May. It was a huge blow out. DH has been so ill, in and out of hospital, mourning his father for months and month on end (no other dads got even one day off looking after their kids and DH had months off), and finally it seemed like I could relax. But I found him drinking around our daughter and that was it. I be came a single parent living with 2 kids (DH and DD). I could not leave them alone.

We had one counseling session that seemed to go really well. We are on a waiting list for couples counseling. Can't afford Relate or other private counseling.

We had a lovely holiday away. DH seemed to return to being more his old self, pre-heart failure. And still no drinking, he hadn't been drinking since May. (I think there was one slip up in June, not a huge slip up but zero means ZERO not 2 cans. With him it will creep up so has to stick to zero drink).

I made it clear in May/June that he had to choose between his family and drink. And the summer went very well.

Saturday I went for a day out with DD. We came home and found DH shit faced. He could hardly speak.

By some standards, the odd binge here and there is not a problem. But this is someone who had alcohol related heart failure. This is some one who takes 12 pills a day for his heart. This is someone who was told he had to choose between his family and drink.

So to show I mean business I told him that's the end. Tomorrow he has to find a hostel or some kind of supported housing or something.

I feel sick. And I have no idea when to tell DD or what to tell her. Over the holidays they had been getting on better. I really want to do what is best for her. And it's her birthday next week. By then her father will be out of the flat. (and then all the stuff with selling the flat, makes my head spin).

I know a few of you have said "leave" ages ago but maybe there are some other perspectives.

I've been reading the thread about "Knowing when to leave". It's the drink. Just like that. I think without that factor there was something to work on. We didn't want to give up so easily. But I can't have him drinking.

I am so sorry. But I think you are doing the right thing. Noone can fight it but him. And you and your daughter can't go down with him. You owe it to her.

Well done and stay strong.

Hostel or supported housing? Good luck, but I doubt he will be handed the keys to a new place just like that!

It's really not that simple, so don't expect him to just go..

Well I don't know the logistics. I know it's bloody hard to get into a hostel because I work in one. But he has medical needs. He goes to a day centre so I hope they have some advice. People are assessed on all sorts of criteria. You can't just walk into a hostel and get housed, there are medical routes, prison (no chance of that for us), referrals or outreach (he wouldn't last 2 nights sleeping rough.)

We were seriously thinking about moving anyway. So at the very least, we sell up, it will take a few weeks/months, hopefully weeks as the estate agents are always hounding us to sell in this area.

So sorry for your troubles; no idea what to say! Have had two friends who have died from alcohol abuse; they both had very loving partners and families.