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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

husband being a bastard day before interview

29 replies

yummytummy · 09/09/2012 19:15

shouldnt be surprised really i guess, have had issues for a long time mainly him being awful and then nice again and so the cycle goes on

anyway, today was feeding dd when he came in kitchen, she saw him started crying for him to pick her up. i said can u just go out for 15 mins while i feed her. then i got why shouldnt i be able to go where i like in my house etc etc
because your daughter needs to eat maybe? anyway he wouldnt budge so i took screaming dd upstairs and waited 10 mins till he went to another room. came back down with her and was feeding her when he storms in and turns off tv.

i finished feeding her then went up and calmly said that was way out of order couldnt u just leave room for 10 mins? he didnt like being told off so started screaming abuse and my interview suit was hanging on the door flung it down the stairs, so fucking childish

anyway have ignored him ever since, no apology and there wont be i know from past experience.

this often happens the day before big events like this almost as if he resents me being happy and wants to put a spanner in the works

am trying to focus on interview and not give him headspace but its really hard

just holding it together but wanted to let it out, it really helps

any tips on ignoring him and preparing for interview?

OP posts:
JeuxDEnfants · 09/09/2012 19:18

What a twat. Focus on your interview... Ignore him. It will keep till after the interview. You have to out yourself first for now.

GuideDogsForTheStupid · 09/09/2012 19:22

Best revenge in this scenario is to have a successful interview.

He sounds like a complete twat btw.

Funnylittleturkishdelight · 09/09/2012 20:22

It sounds like classic resentment- you are going 'out there' and he's scared you're outgrowing him/changing/meeting more interesting people.

Interview tips: believe you are the right person for the job. Keep calm. And ask questions!! Ask them how they will enable your progression and offer you development. Research job roles in the next stage up and show them ambition!

LaurieFairyCake · 09/09/2012 20:25

Sounds like you were pretty shirty with him at the beginning - bit sarky to say 'er...cos she needs to eat'.

No excuse for what followed but you do sound snarky.

Squeegle · 09/09/2012 20:26

I had the same by the way with XDP - he was always a complete twat and bastard to me just before some big event - e g an interview. It seemed random but it can't be can it?

Original poster
yummytummy · 09/09/2012 20:39

laurie, i didnt say that to him i was thinking it! used that expression on here to demonstrate how i was feeling.

OP posts:
Bilbobagginstummy · 09/09/2012 20:42

You both sound as bad as each other, tbh. You sent him out of the room when his daughter wanted him? Why couldn't he feed her? Then he seems to have behaved like a child.

Most unedifying all round.

Gumby · 09/09/2012 20:42

Why didn't you let him feed her if she wanted him not you?

LaurieFairyCake · 09/09/2012 20:43

Ok, is there a reason why you didn't just hand the lunch to him and get him to feed dd Confused

It just seems really over the top to then take her out the room - I can see why he would be offended.

If you're saying he started off by refusing to go and was aggressive from the off then fine, it's him. But if you pissed him off a bit by telling him to go maybe he got really irritated by that.

numptymark1 · 09/09/2012 20:44

you've hit the nail on the head with the big event

he is either doing it completely deliberately in which case he is a huge twat

or

he is doing it subconsciously because for some reasoned he feels threatened if he is not the centre of your world and you are interested in something else -inwhich case he is still a twta but one wrth talking to to find out why

but get your interview out of the way first

good luck x

AmberLeaf · 09/09/2012 20:47

I assume there is a back story that I havent read?

But I agree with others that it was off of you to tell him to leave the room in those circumstances.

defineme · 09/09/2012 20:49

I appreciate what others are saying about feeding her himself and so on, but dh and I have twatty arguments BUT we have never screamed abuse/thrown things and that crosses abig line.
Also, if this is a patteren then you need to be thinking what exactly you're getting out of this...
Couples counselling?

Original poster
yummytummy · 09/09/2012 20:57

ok, i didnt tell him to leave the room and although she was crying for him he clearly had no intention of feeding her as he just carried on flaffing around in the kitchen.

he did refuse to go and was aggresive from the start thats why i left room as dd was getting upset

OP posts:
AnastasiaSteele · 09/09/2012 20:58

hey - I was thinking about you and how you were the other day. It's hard, I know. Mine does this too. It is deliberate and it is EA. I hope you can use this shitty energy and focus it on your job. Good luck Yummy.

Original poster
yummytummy · 09/09/2012 21:00

thanks anastasia, how ru doing? its hard to convert the negative energy but am trying

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 09/09/2012 21:03

Did you perhaps subconsciously mean to start an argument so you could blame him if it did not go well?

I dont see why you could not just get on with feeding your baby just because he was faffing about in the kitchen. Could you not just ask him to sit down with you? Be a little positive, rather than pointedly remove your baby from her food by demonstratively taking her upstairs?

Weird behaviour from an adult.

Original poster
yummytummy · 09/09/2012 21:08

why would anyone want to consciously start an argument?

i couldnt carry on feeding as kitchen has glass door so she could see him and was screaming.

this is getting annoying now having to explain myself and as i said this always seems to happen before big events and i am pretty sure its not a coincidence.

anyone who has been unfortunate enough to be in that position will know what i mean.

its just added stress and upset when its not needed

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 09/09/2012 21:10

Sorry.

Good luck tomorrow. I hope it goes well.

AnastasiaSteele · 09/09/2012 21:23

Yummy Tummy, please don't let this board upset you, people are just trying to help work through your thoughts and the backstory isn't here, people aren't to know. It's okay though - at times like this, we get a bit blinded and just type without all the details. We've all done it.

We aren't dealing with logic on this board let's face it - people consciously starting arguments are par for the course on this place and when the backstory is clear, people will understand that is happening but it's not you.

Please try and calm yourself, I can't imagine how stresed you must be.

Markingthehours · 09/09/2012 22:05

Oh Yummy, this is classic EA isn't it? Going for an interview? Who do you think you are? YOu are getting above yourself my girl and need putting down again.

Just DON'T give him the satisfaction of claiming your attention and engagement.

IGNORE IGNORE DETACH DETACH.

BTW I hope that is interview is to get a job to enable you to get out of there.

Very good luck with the interview. Be positive, bright and friendly.

tallwivglasses · 09/09/2012 22:13

He threw your interview suit down the stairs ??? Bloody hell, what a twat.

Get that job, woman.

BertieBotts · 09/09/2012 22:17

I understand why you asked him to leave the room if he was distracting her and not being helpful, and this is usual behaviour and you knew he wasn't going to suddenly morph into perfect helpful dad. I don't think that was unreasonable in those circumstances.

Good luck with your interview :)

Donkeysdontridebicycles · 09/09/2012 22:39

He sounds lovely Hmm.

First things first, good luck with the interview.

Dryjuice25 · 10/09/2012 01:36

I totally get you. My OH left me holding the kids 2 times when i had important exams and that was on two separate occasions.....

Good luck

Markingthehours · 10/09/2012 19:20

How did you get on OP?