My abuser has moved into my local area...warning may be triggering.

[StandYourGround]

Can't believe it. He abused me sexually, from the age of 6, until I was about 9. At the end of it, he was escalating his behaviour, trying to get me to do more and more stuff (oral, hand jobs) it stopped because his older brother got suspicous. I know he has done this to other girls as well, I went to school with one of his other victims. He was five or six years older than me - however his age did not diminish what he did, it makes no difference to me, his hands did the same damage to me mentally and physically, no matter how old he was, before anyone chimes in and tries to convince me I am being silly (it's been done before!)

I have seen him occasionally over the years, he used to follow me around with his mates and call my name (what a cunt) but he normally sticks to glaring angrily at me - he behaves as if he hates me (which he does). I literally nearly walked into him coming out of my local supermarket. A bit of internet snooping and I find out that this year he moved VERY near me.

I have always felt safe around this area, it's a long way away from where I was brought up (where all the bad memories are) and I have built a new life for myself here. I live with my lovely husband and dd. I have lots of problems in my life relating to the abuse from this dickhead, and others as well. I've had a lot of input from counsellors and psychologists, I'm so proud of how far I've come. Some of you may remember last year I think, I was debating whether to finally go to the police and report him and my stepdad. In the end I felt I just wasn't able to deal with it, so I didn't.

Now this twat is around and I am scared to leave the house in case I see him. My daughter goes to school here, the library is here, shops, bank, post office... what do i do? I went to pieces after seeing him. I managed to scrape myself together and drive home, I don't know how. He hates me, and feels like he owns me.

Someone please have words of wisdom. One minute I want to find him and fuckking scream at him, tell him what he has done to me, get it all out, the next I'm sobbing in my husbands arms. I spent so long feeling ashamed, dirty, because of what he did, but he gets to walk around with his head held high because no one reported him. I hate him. I want him to die. I don't like hating him but i can't help it.

Help.

I didn't want to read and run. I haven't a clue but I will think about you and hold your hand till someone more knowledgeable turns up.

Thinking... is it time to rethink whether to report this?

I have no experience in this area at all, but maybe the time has now come when you should report him?

Another hand to hold here.

I'm sorry I know nothing useful about what you should do, but have you told your H that you saw this person?

It sounds like he makes you feel really bad. It might help you if you did tell someone - but I don't know if it would, I wouldn't want you to feel worse than you already do.

You poor thing to have been through that. And what a nasty piece of work he sounds.

I'm sorry but I have no experience to others but like the others felt I couldn't read and run. I feel so sorry that you are being made to feel like this after you have made such progress. Hopefully someone will be along with some advice soon.

Likewise, not much advice I can give, but I do have a question... Do you think he has moved there deliberately?
I also think you need to decide... Where do you see yourself in two years? There, suffering? Having reported and outed him? Moved for z fresh start?
I have no experience... But if you can think about what you would like to happen, could that help inform your next steps?
Muck luck, I am so sorry to read your post

I think its time to revisit the possibility of reporting him

Look at your DD
Find strength from doing whats right for her and her friends who are possible targets for this vile creature

However i understand why you didn't report and are worried about opening up that pandoras box. I reported on my abuse but never named my abuser.

I wish i had. I hope i never find out that he harmed anyone else after me. :(

Much. Jesus! Typo hell...

I think it would also help the OP to know what is likely to happen if he is reported - will she feel safe to stay where she is, will he be put away or let go, is he likely to seek her out.

I can understand the fear of taking it further - I resisted going to court over a car chase incident a couple of years ago, because I was scared of retribution.

I wonder if there is anyone in the police who could talk you through your options iyswim without prejudice.

I also think an informal discussion with a police officer might be a possibility, to see your options, is that where you are wanting to go, OP?

Thanks for all the replies.

I have no idea if he moved here deliberately. My instinct says not, it's just shitty rotten luck.

My husband knows I have seen him. He's very upset and angry. Doesn't know what to do.

I keep wondering if I had reported him at the time, would he have moved somewhere else instead? Left the city entirely?

I also feel like I shouldn't be the one hiding in fear...

I will contact victim support again.

I just don't understand what the fuck he thinks he is doing! He's on facebook, ffs!

How is it I feel like shit, always have done, and he is fine and dandy...

Speaking from some experience, I would suggest now is the time to contact the police, You mentioned that you knew others that he abused....if he is still out there who else could he be targeting or abusing???
The police will listen and if you are able to give them the names of those who you knew/know of from when you were younger and they are able to back up your story even better.
At least they would be aware incase he has moved purely to control you/stalk you or bothers you in any way.
Dont let this bastard beat you now is the time to show him what you are made of!!!!

I understand where you are coming from debbiepmr - but I don't think I have it in me. I can't tell a police officer what he did to me - I just can't. It's taken me 12 years to tell dh! I don't think 'justice' will be done in any case, I think either it wouldn't be pursued or he would get off - so then he'd just be walking around, keeping an eye out for me.

I will report anything that he does now that is out of order / designed to harrass or upset me in anyway.

Standyourground- I wonder if anyone else reported him? Those children home cases many years ago often started up where there were losts of small incidents the police knew about, and then one larger one.

Also, I dont think anyone can make the decision for you, and your decision should be respected.

lots

I absolutely agree that it is completely your decision and how you deal with this. Just sending you lots of support and and hope you get any other support you need, such as victim support.

Weirdly, last night we think we heard someone in the drive next to the house. We live in a very quiet street, we've lived here 12 years and never had any problems. Dh race out with an axe handle in true manly fashion, searched the whole garden, the was a couple of loud noises from the side of the house, then nothing. He heard something down the bottom of the garden - that turned out to be a snuffly hedgehog!

I know it's probably nothing. A hopeful burglar or just kids, or even a fox or something. But I can't help wondering if it was him (my abuser) and somehow he's tracked me down (I have a very unusual first name, I've taken dh's name when we got married deliberately so that this guy couldn't find me if he tried looking for me).

Everywhere I go, I wonder if he has been there, if I am going to see him. I won't let him keep me indoors though, I've been out into my local town centre where I saw him everyday, just so it doesn't become a 'thing' to be scared of. When I pick my daughter up from school, I am looking round for him.

I think it would be a good idea have a chat with the police because, even if they can't prosecute him for what he did in the past, they can do something about him if he steps out of line now. For instance, you might be able to get a restraining order of some kind, so that any harassment of you such as name-calling, following, sending you emails can be prosecuted.

Thanks sgb. But to be totally truthful - I just can't. I'm so ashamed. I won't be able to talk to a stranger about it.

PM'd you OP

Sent a pm, too