Ìllness. My body is failing me bit by bit, and no one around me can take it. [sad]

[Miraxx]

I suffer from multiple sclerosis. This is the eighth year from the diagnosis. I'm so alone. Those who were nearest to me all fail me, one by one. They just can't take it. They leave me alone in my suffering. And I just can´t take it

I mean, I do understand that my friends and relatives are not therapists. But how am I gonna make it all alone. I try to be courageous. But I have weak moments. Like today.

Hello there MIdlander. I am sorry for your condition. Are there any days or even weeks that are better? Do you still work? If you do I don't wonder you having to go to bed at 7.30.

If I was working I'd have to go to bed right away after work, because my brain gets so tired. Cognitive fatigue, perhaps that's what it's called, the same thing that people with (traumatic) brain injury get. But I have to be alert and awake and functional for the sake of my son, so that's why I have decided to give up working for now. I don't have too many social contacts. Are you going to a support group of some kind?

It's so nice to meet people, even virtually as in here, NickNameTaken and you for example, who understand

Miraxx- you have certainly made me feel better so have my first ever

I do still work- I love my job and the stress of it keeps my brain ticking over and stops me getting depressed. Unforch, all my energy goes on that. And I know what you mean about cognitive fatigue- it's really bloody scary isn't it? At the moment I am in the middle of a really bad patch- with no remissions.

I don't go to a support group- I went to one and there were some people there a lot iller than me and it seemed a bit like a glimpse into my future. My GP always teases me that I use a lot of denial about my condition- but it keeps me going!

You´re welcome! Maybe it's not denial - your disease course might be a better one. We won't know. My GP always says that hey, you have this illness, but then again, still it could HER who gets driven over by a car tomorrow. So too much worrying is wasted time, really. The future is unpredictable, in both good and bad.

I understand the energy you get from work. When I worked, it did give me a certain energy. Plus health insurance and human contacts, a community, to which I belonged, too. (plus the money)

But for the moment I have chosen this option because I want to be mentally "there" for my child. I know myself and I would be so stressed and cranky and absent if I was working. It's lonely, though.

Miraxx - ten years ago I was 38, single and with four children. I had been diagnosed with MS seven years previous to that. Like you I believed that no-one would ever 'take me on'.
I have now been with my partner nine years, we are very happy together and my illness is just part of me but certainly not the whole.
There is always hope, even when we believe all is lost.

Teedee, that's a really touching story. I'm so glad you found happiness.

Miraxx, how old is your son? I think there is a lot to be said for your strategy of pouring your energies into him for now.

I want to say something encouraging that isn't false and insipid. Life is pretty shit at times. Not all the time, though, and the good bits will be there and will take us by surprise.