In a new relationship - when do you disclose that you had a bad childhood

[Notalone]

Another thread on here has prompted me to post this. There is a bit of background too so hope this doesn't get too long

Without going into too much detail my childhood wasn't great and my parents were abusive in many ways. It took me a long time to come to terms with what had happenned to me and therefore it took 10 years to disclose this to ex dp. During two thirds of that relationships we used to visit my parents on a very infrequent basis due to the distance away they lived. My ex dp liked my father a lot. From my perspective I was going through a huge array of emotions and had had no professional help. It was also pre DC. The last few years of our relationship I distanced myself from my parents and I have not seen them for over 10 years now though we do have infrequent email contact. They have not been allowed near DS. However when I disclosed to ex dp although he was initially supportive, he used it against me many times after saying he was disgusted I hadn't told him, that I was just as weird as them for staying in contact with them and I should have told him sooner.

Ex dp was also abusive (yes I realise I am probably a cliche abusive family followed by abusive partner) and when I finally left him I was with a lovely man for over a year who I told after about 4 months. He was great though if I tried to go into any detail he would say he couldn't listen as he found it too upsetting.

I am now with someone else. It is very early days as we have only been together for about 2 months but I really like him and hope it does progress into something serious. He has asked about my family and I have told him that I don't speak to my parents. He asked why and I said some people should not be allowed to have children and have left it at that for now. However I don't know if I should tell him and when would be a good time. I don't know where this relationship is going yet anyway but I don't want to be in a situation where, if we are together long term, I leave it too long or disclose too soon. But I guess its important that if we do get serious that I do tell him at some point.

Does anyone have any idea or been in a similar situation at all?

hmmm ... this is a question about trust really and what you feel comfortable with disclosing. I don't think there is any shoulds, its what you feel comfortable with, given your history (including your history with men). That an ex got angry because you hadn't told him about x, y and z does not mean you should confide. Its you private life and past and I think its OK to have boundaries about what you want to discuss and what you prefer not to.

Discussions of difficult childhoods do not make a good relationship IMO, there are other factors that are far more important and until these are clearer I would hesitate apart from broad generalisations. When you know someone well, trust them and are committed, then I think its different.

p.s. I had an ex who early-on confided about his very difficult childhood, his years of therapy, as this did not make him a nice person, as I soon found out ...