Is my boyfriend hinting at moving in with me??

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Just been speaking to a friend and she reckons this is what is going on here. it hadnt occured to me before!

So basically boyfriend is in the process of selling his house. He is living with his mother until he finds somewhere else to buy. He is struggling with this as he says he doesn't want to buy anywhere when there is a possibility we might move in together next year - therefore he feels he should wait and then we buy somewhere together next year.

In the meantime however he keeps saying how much he hates living with his mother (as lovely as she is) and he doesn't know if he can hack it there much longer. He's said this a few times now - like he'll say "oh, don't know how much longer I can stay there, it's doing my head in but I don't know what to do about buying somewhere else ... " and then he seems to wait for a reaction from me and when he doesn't get one, he changes the subject.

Now it's far too early for us to be entering into a commitment of actually buying somewhere together but my friend thinks he see's moving into my house as a stepping stone solution. He's not tied here if it all goes wrong, we can split easier without any messy property to sort out and if it all gets too much, he can go back to his mums.

Is this what he's hinting at?? or are we reading too much into it?

I think that yes, he's hinting about moving in with you. How do you feel about it?

How long have you been together, how is the relationship? Do you want this and why dont you ask him out right if this is what he is hinting at? Do you rent or mortgage etc.

Without most of the above lovey i couldnt say to be honest...

You can't base your relationship on hints. If you want him to move in, ask him, and if you don't suggest he rents somewhere!

I wouldn't allow him to free load off you though, so if he moves in sort out finances in advance. He should pay half of rent, bills and housekeeping. I imagine that he is living free at his mums, and might have got a bit too used to it!

Oh it's far too soon, he hasn't even met my children yet! this is why I don't think he is hinting but then - he has been known to want to rush things a bit.

I love him to bits, love spending time with him and we get on brilliantly. I feel we'd get on great living together but as I say, he hasn't even met my kids.

A compromise I would go for is - after he's met the kids and they've got to know him well he could stay here a couple of times a week. That way we're not living together but we get to see how we get on in a 24/7 scenario.

How long have you known him? I'd be wary of a man who wanted to live with me when he hadn't met my kids - in fact, I'd think he was completely mad!

This is what I mean though, he might not be hinting at that but a friend reckons that's what he's on about when he talks like this.

How old is he? I ask because the comments about his mum doing his head in really annoyed me, I have adult dc living with me and if I knew they felt like that I'd kick their ungrateful arses out. And that made me not like him.

And that, coupled with hinting about moving in, so early in your relationship, suggests he's a bit of a wankstain.

Yes, I think it's either a bout of overenthusiasm or maybe a bit creepy, but I would be quite clear to him that you have no intention of moving in together in the next x months, therefore if he finds his living situation difficult but doesn't want to buy just yet he should be thinking about renting. Your home is your children's home, end of.

It may just be that he hasn't thought through the sensitivities involved in introducing a new partner to children and just sees this as an obvious, practical conclusion - he's sold his place, no point buying one for him if in a year's time you may want one together. You have a place, ergo it would make sense for him to move into that. And maybe all that logic would make sense, if you had no dc to consider.

It would be an obvious solution(I did similar with dh -had to leave rented and lived with him as a stop gap before I moved into new rented-had known him 5 months), BUT you have kids so it's a complete no go.
Speak your mind-be open. Say that you appreciate it's hard to live with your parents when you've been independent, but obviously living with you isn't possible now and you've no idea when it will be.
It's not your fault he's in this predicament and it's not up to you to solve it.
If he can't see that he's a twat.

DP and I both have a child each from previous marriages, we went out for 6 months before involving the kids, then another 7 months before moving in together.

We did know each other for many years before starting the relationship, and had met each others kids socially too.

And so far it's gone pretty well, I really wouldn't recommend rushing these stages, I've seen the hurt that can happen when (step-)kids are involved and relationships break up.

Oh no he didn't say his mum was doing his head in, sorry that came out wrong. He said the situation was doing his head in, having no privacy etc and not being able to do stuff he wants around the house. He often says how wonderful his mum is for putting him up and how much he appreciates her.

If it was just me, I'd be up for it. Why not? easy for him to move out again if it all went wrong but as pointed out, it's not just me. It would take another 6 months at least before I'd even consider it and that's 6 months after meeting the kids so depending on when that happens.

He's a lovely guy, don't mean to make him sound like a twat. It could be that this has all been blown out of proportion and he hasn't been hinting at that at all.

Damn, the one time I do bloody rush to judgement, I'm a mile off. Sorry, OP.

Why don't you just have an conversation about what you are comfortable with regarding him meeting the kids and moving in?

That's what me and DP did 3 months into our relationship - I had been renting on a 6 month contract with the intention of buying a house in the area I was renting. I didn't expect to be in a relationship at the time, so when the 6mo contract was due to complete and I'd been seeing DP for 2-3 months, we talked about timescales, and it allowed me to make the decision to rent for another 12 months rather than buying or extending for say 6 months.

I seem to have a different take on this but in my experience most men don't hint. If he wanted to move in, wouldn't he just ask?

So if he is only "in the process of selling", as opposed to having actually sold up, why has he already moved in with his mum if he doesn't like the situation? Surely he couldnstaybin his house until it is sold.
Also why is he saying he doesn't want to buy somewhere yet in case you move in together in the future, when you are saying it is far too early?
In fact given that he doesn't know what he wants to do in the future (regarding living with you) and hates living with his mum why is he selling?

I would be asking a lot questions here

Maybe you could suggest he rents somewhere short term. If he doesn't want to live with his Mum for a long time.

Sorry about the typos - using phone!

I think GroupieGirl has a point - but I think I would still clarify matters so that he could think about renting for six months if he did want to delay buying somewhere to see how things go.

Well, as moving in with you simplisn't on th cards from your pov, then next time he starts talking about his uncertainties, keep putting the ball back in his court "That sounds really tough. What are you going to do about it? Rent?"

As you have children, you simply cannot risk falling in to living with someone to make their life convenient as someone young and unattached might. The decision to introduce him as a potential stepfather should not be rushed.