Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

scared of sex after birth and complete loss of attraction :-\

12 replies

worldofmyown · 09/09/2012 13:10

hi everyone. basically i have been with my fiance for 8yrs (childhood sweethearts) and have a 3month old dd. when i was pregnant i completely lost my sex drive. i would cringe when df would touch me at all. i know some women go.sex mad during pregnancy but i was the opposite. after a traumatic birth i am beyomd terrified of getting intimate again BUT the biggest problem is i still feel the same when.he tries to be intimate with me. i cringe at his touch and im so in love with him but i really feel the attraction has gone, on my part. he obviously feels like crap cause i push him away and try and make excuses but i dont know why i feel like this. i would be quite happy to never have sex with him again bit why? has anyone experienced anything like this? :'( :'( :'(

OP posts:
LubileeJubileeJayde · 09/09/2012 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhEmGee24 · 09/09/2012 13:16

Very common to lose libido during and after pregnancy. Did you tear badly?

Rollersara · 09/09/2012 13:20

I know what you mean, I definitely wasn't sex mad during pregnancy, and then after DD was born (ventouse delivery, episiotomy) there were few things I wanted to do less. I was never diagnosed with PND, but DD is now 7 months and normal relations are gradually resuming! It is worth getting checked out for PND, but 3 months is still early days and you may find things change for the better as time goes on...

margerykemp · 09/09/2012 13:24

you are only 3 months post partum, your hormones will still be all over the place

have you lost all desire or just desire for him? ie do you still masturbate- that might be a good first step

Original poster
worldofmyown · 09/09/2012 13:33

i also had a ventouse delivery and they had to cut me. im sure i dont have pnd well i dont.think so.anyway :-\ but its mainly just towards him. the most annoying thing is he keeps putting so much pressure on me about it and keeps trying to be intimate and i have explained to him im still sore and im so scared and he just has a very selfish attitude about it. i dont know if i felt i could do it in my own time it might be easier but hes severly pissing me off tbh constantly on about it! :-( xx

OP posts:
amverytired · 09/09/2012 13:50

womo - 12 weeks post-partum is very early days, even earlier days if you have had a difficult birth.
I would not appreciate pestering for sex this soon after birth and it would just put me off further. It's very selfish of him especially as you have told him you are still sore.
As for masturbating mentioned above... I just needed sleep, I had no interest in sex of any form. And I think I am totally normal sex-drive wise.

georgie22 · 09/09/2012 13:56

Sounds like it's his persistent pestering that's affecting your libido. I was too tired and emotional in the 12 weeks after dd was born to worry too much about sex. I had a third degree tear so I was concerned about the first time (which was fine incidentally) but dh was more worried than me, bless him! I'm lucky he never pressurised me so now things are back to normal between us. You need to let your partner know how being pestered is making you feel. I would imagine that things will return to normal once that pressure is lifted.

Original poster
worldofmyown · 09/09/2012 14:00

i used to have quite a high sex drive before i got pregnant. i had a pph of nearly 3litres so im scared because of that also. but he had been very understanding until now. i think if he left me alone for a couple weeks and didnt even.mention it i would feel abit better but he wont. we havent slept together since ibwas about five months so i know he must be frustrated but i said if he can wait that long he can wait a few more weeks :'( i stupidly said yesterday a few more days so he will be expecting it now so i dont know what to do :-(

OP posts:
Rollersara · 09/09/2012 21:29

I did have a run-in with DP when DD was around 12 weeks. I pointed out that what I had experienced (especially with the interventions) was akin to major surgery and I needed more time to recover, and he was genuinely surprised that 3 months is quite normal to not have sex as a new mum.

Also, are you breastfeeding? This will affect your libido too...

Original poster
worldofmyown · 09/09/2012 22:22

no unfortunatly was unable to breast feed :-( i told him i need more time. im hoping that he will abit more understanding. im not gonna push myself im still sore and he will just have to understand that x x x

OP posts:
Aboutlastnight · 09/09/2012 22:28

World: He has his right hand. He is not going to be emotionally scarred from not having sex for a while. He will not explode.

Original poster
worldofmyown · 10/09/2012 13:32

thank u "aboutlastnight" your comment made me laugh! :-D

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread