Sorry, this might be long. And I can't promise I'll follow the advice, but I need opinions as I'm driving myself crazy.
The background is this. I have a cousin who I was very close to when we were growing up. When I got married she was my maid of honour. When I had my second child she was supposed to be godmother, but due to a falling out between our families, this didn't happen. mainly because I hadn't seen her for about a year. We made up and all was OK. We've not been close, but it's been OK.
Now, she's getting married very soon. She has asked every female cousin except me to be bridesmaid. She has asked my daughter to be a flower girl, which was kind of her. But it still stung to know that she didn't want me by her side. I kept quiet about the fact that this hurt, because I realised we weren't as close as we had been and there was nothing to be gained from bringing it up. There have been lots of 'events'- dress fittings, hair consultations etc where I've had to go along and smile at how lovely all the bridesmaids look. I have done this. Not once did I let on that I was in anyway bothered.
I recently organised the hen weekend for her. This was a lot of work, and then she pretty much ignored me all weekend, She's very good at doing things in a snidey way, so she can have you in tears without you really knowing how to explain why you're upset. I came home fron the hen night feeling pretty shit and un appreciated. But I can't pull her on it, because she did say thanks. It was her behaviour, and tone, not her words iyswim.
Now my mother has had a BIG row with her mother. (They are sisters). The row was aboout something unrelated, but my mum lost it and let rip about how badly she feels cousin has treated me.
The following evening, my cousin came to see me and we had a big heart-to-heart, during which we both admitted that the relationship between the two of us is not what it used to be, and that we've grown apart. We both cried a lot. She tried to explain why shed not chosen me as a bridesmaid, but I reassured her that I understood and she was right to pick whoo she wanted, but it's just that it hurts to know I didn't make the cut. I also pointed out that there was noo way I would ever have brought it up' and I was sorry it had been dragged into the argument.
well' she left, and now I'm not sure if I can go to the wedding. As you can imagine, there's a lot more 'background' but this is too long already.
If I go, I'll still be the 'bad guy' too the family for bursting her bubble two weeks before her wedding. Knowing what they're like, I'm also pretty sure I'll be treated like shit on the day. She's been all over facebook with her friends asking if she's OK, andd cryptic 'I'll PM you' messages from her. So I know that most people see me as the devil incarnate. It will be a horrendous day.
But if I don't go- well, my gran will be heartbroken. Not going to someone's wedding is very final,n isn't it? But that might be a good thing, not having to put up with their shit any more.
So, Mumsnet- do I go??
(I am very sorry for the length of this, thank you if you've got this far.)