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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I hate my sisters boyfriend

42 replies

Emmielu · 09/09/2012 06:59

And always have done. I've tried to get on with him. But he always tells me I'm doing everything wrong. I want to move out. He said I won't be able to manage that on my own. I have a boyfriend. He said I can't hold down a relationship and that I'm only making a hole for myself to fall into by being in a relationship. I volunteer in a nursery. He calls me a mug and said there's no way I'd get a job in childcare because no one is offering jobs. I suggested a possible career in childminding. He told me I'm stupid. Then said I haven't got the mind for it cause I've not been brought up in the business. Closely followed by tellinge about how he buys some supplies for his business very cheap then sells them to customers or friends for hundreds of pounds without checking for safety. All of which come from eBay. (he works as a plumber). He said I'd be better off on benefits because I'm not capable of making a career for myself. He says all of this while my sister isn't around. My sister was going to train to be a midwife in australlia. She turned it down to be with him.

I can't stand him. He criticises everything the family does. The car my dad brought my sister was "a heap of shit" in his words. Not many of my family members will tolerate him and I think I'm the only one who is civil to him. I don't want to hate him but I do. He just seems to think everything he does is perfect. His way is the right way. Instead of helping someone he just puts them down.

OP posts:
Numberlock · 09/09/2012 12:40

You say your mum won't let you and DD leave for a few days, for a holiday you mean, can you expand in this? It does sound like there are a lot of issues in your family and your brother in law is only one of them.

Do you have any friends who you can confide in and can support you?

colditz · 09/09/2012 12:45

Unless y are under sixteen, your mother surely can't stop you leaving for a few days, or even simply going out whenever your sisters boyfriend is there.

Miltonia · 09/09/2012 12:56

Perhaps if he starts any of this again you could put your phone on record. Might be worth a try to get some evidence of what he is really like. Then if your parents are defending him you could present your evidence.

He sounds an arrogant bully. I feel sorry for your sister.

springydaffs · 09/09/2012 12:59

I feel sorry for you! your family situation sounds shit tbh. do try to get out as soon as you can. perhaps also get a bit of counselling to work out what's going on in your family?

OrangeImperialGoldBlether · 09/09/2012 14:09

Can you tell us a bit more about yourself? How old are you? How old is your child? Are you in contact with her father? Do you work? If not, did you work and what did you do?

I think we'd all love to help you find a better life for yourself.

Emmielu · 09/09/2012 18:47

I'm 21 DD is 5. I volunteer at a nursery but have been offered recently to do a childminding course since there is no paid work. I have all the people ready to help set up and the registration forms and the course dates and first aid dates. Just don't have a house. DD doesn't have contact with her dad although he has started writing her letters.

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CaliforniaLeaving · 09/09/2012 21:57

Ignore the idiot.
Go on your course and make a better life for you and your Daughter. Be strong for her and don't let anyone tell you you can't do it. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you.
Don't answer him or your Mum back when they say stupid stuff, just ignore, ignore, ignore and walk off, go do something in your room or outside or just away from them.

Rustyspringfield · 10/09/2012 05:16

Yes, ignore the idiot, just take your DD out to the park, or just go into another room.

With your volunteer experience and childminding course, you are on the way to a career. Please keep going, you are young and have your life ahead of you. There will always be a demand for childminders.

If you are worried about the business side of things, there will be courses you can go on (do free Business Link courses still exist?) or free advice from HMRC on setting up a business.

Keep your plans to yourself and just get on with it. If he or other family members are jealous, they may scupper your plans by roping you into family crises.

Don't let the b*stards get you down as the saying goes!

Emmielu · 10/09/2012 06:01

Thank you ladies. Only 2 people know about the plan. My best friend and my OH. Both of which are more than happy to keep me going into this. I don't want to tell my family until it's set up. I have a list of people to ring or try and see before I register.

OP posts:
Rustyspringfield · 10/09/2012 06:46

Good! Smile

mummytime · 10/09/2012 07:22

I think you unfortunately come from a quite dysfunctional family (maybe look at one of the Stately home threads, and getting some counselling if you can will help). I would also be looking to move out, are you on the council waiting list? Are there any housing association who could help?

Longtalljosie · 10/09/2012 07:53

I think part of the problem may be that as you had DD at 16 your mother's got quite used to telling you what to do, and not treating you as an adult, despite the fact you're a parent.

At some point this will need to be blown wide open if she won't let go - but in the mean time I'd just quietly get on with your course.

Do you plan to rent somewhere to CM from eventually? I'm sure the course leader will give you a lot of help by telling you which sorts of homes sail through inspections and which don't - things to avoid - so when you do choose a rented place you're pretty confident the inspector will like it.

There's the CM thread on here as well - lots of experienced CMs to give you advice. Good luck x

Emmielu · 10/09/2012 08:00

Im on the council list and have been for 3 years but being in band 3 there isn't a lot I can do but bid and wait.

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Longtalljosie · 10/09/2012 08:05

Hmm - I wouldn't wait for the council to rescue you to be honest. If you've been on the list for three years I'd see what other ways there are around it. I appreciate getting a deposit together will be tough and the rent will be higher but you need your life to start!

Aussiebean · 10/09/2012 08:54

I guess your sisters boyfriend is treating you like this because your family are doing the same thing.

Some people become the people they are INSPITE of their families. Not because of them. You, unfortunately maybe one of them.

Good luck.

Hullygully · 10/09/2012 08:56

Whatever he says, smile nicely and say "Righty-oh, lovely" then just carry on your way.

Emmielu · 10/09/2012 11:43

Longtalljosie - the deposit is no problem at all. I have over £2000 in my savings account. I just dont have a guarantor. :( otherwise i would have been moved by now. None of my family members are able or want to be my guarantor. I dont really know how many of my friends are allowed to be either.

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