DH thinks life is like porn

[BlueFlamingo]

DH was a virgin before we met, and spent his teen/adult life watching porn without having any experience with real women and I think it has fucked him up.

In normal life he is kind, affectionate, respectful, and our sex life is very vanilla. But then he comes out with requests that you only find in porn, such as tonight he wanted me to drink his spunk from a cup!? Two sugars please, any biscuits going?

I say no, he says okay, it's never mentioned again. He never ever pushes it.

It's also things he expects of women's appearances, such as a hairless body and pneumatic knorks. If a woman has body hair or is overweight or whatever, his childish response is 'eww.' But, if I don't remove my body hair or I gain a few lbs he doesn't mention it or seem to care.

It's like he's been conditioned into being this sex twat, but it isn't really him iyswim? Or what if there is some awful mysogonistic arse hiding inside the lovely man I married?

I feel stupid for being upset by it because it's nothing hardcore.

This makes him sound like a right cunt, day to day he's genuinely a wonderful person.

His sexual requests and expectations are all very half arsed, like he feels like he's supposed to think these things about women, and supposed to be doing these things during sex, but I don't think it's really his own opinion. I am so bad at explaining myself. I hope someone understands what I'm going on about.

I don't really have anything helpful to say. But I saw some classic porn the other week. Made in the 70s. They had no hang up about hairless women then. Maybe show him that. Point out the only reason porn stars tarted to shave was so the 'view' was better. Not because they were sexier.

Some men also don't like the hairless girl because it represents underage girls. Something else to maybe mention.

It sounds like he is immature sexually, couples counselling might help, or just a lot of communication between the two of you.

Have you talked to him about it?

Did you ask him why he wanted you to drink his spunk from a cup? Did you ask him to consider what about that would be arousing for him? Did you explain that it would be unpleasant and degrading for you? in fact did you point out it is a move in porn that is pulled specifically to degrade the woman?
There is a hell of a lot of reflection that this man needs to be doing and I can't imagine not questioning a guy who came out with something like that as to his motives. You won't find out what he's really thinking unless you ask him. Could be he's a bit thick and thinks women get turned on by this nasty degrading stuff, or he might genuinely want to degrade you. I'm afraid I would have to challenge him every time he came out with something like this.

Agree with Erik. You need to talk to him about this!

You have a few options.

1. Talk to him about it, that you find it degrading, that you are a woman, a human being, not some fantasy robot created online by loveless people. Perhaps say what you say on here about your concerns; they seem reasonable to me. Have a conversation about it. See what he says. See what, if anything, he wants to do about it.

1. Realise/recognise that whatever the reasons or immaturity, whatever the source of his problem, you don't need to live with it/be degraded about it and move on.

The only confusion I have, by the way, by your post, is that you say he has unrealistic expectations, but that he accepts you the way you are. Is that true, that he accepts you the way you are?

It sounds like this man has grown up with some slightly distorted views of sexuality but don't take the easy option of blaming the whole business on 'vile porn'. He sounds repressed; as though he might have been surrounded by people who thought sex was 'ewww' or dangerous or immoral outside of marriage.

With regard to 'odd' requests, please bear in mind that people can have all sorts of peculiar desires without being bad people - he asked, you said no, he has not mentioned it again, and you state that the rest of your lives together are happy and that he is a good partner.

You sound a little bit sexually timid yourself, or at least of limited experience (not, specifically, because you don't want him to jizz in your tea, but because you seem to think that this is a wicked and dangerous request when it's not the act that's a problem, it's whether someone asks nicely and accepts No with good grace.)

BTW, drinking spunk from a cup is no more inherently degrading or unpleasant than drinking it straight from a cock. It's not like he asked you to behead yourself during sex.