feeling like an evil bitch right now pls come hold my hand

[cantfindamnnickname]

I have told my dh its over, I want a divorce and I am moving out.
I have also told the children whilst he sloped off to the pub, the 2 older ones are gutted and lots of tears and crying.

I went to see a counsellor this morning, I told him the history and the first thing he said was "he sounds very controlling" it was like a light bulb going off in my head, now I just need to stay strong.

back story is here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1550402-is-my-marriage-over

Please come hold my hand and tell me Im doing the right thing because my kids keep sobbing and its breaking my heart when its me doing this to them

It takes time to see things for what they were. When I split with stbxh, I was convinced I was the worst person in the world. Feeling cruel was exactly it.

Looking back over a year on though, I realise just how taken for granted I was. His life consisted of work, weed, drink and the tv whilst I managed absolutely everything else. On top of it he was controlling, often emptying my purse of any money, not liking it if I wanted to go out, using me for sex despite developing premature ejaculation issues and refusing to see anyone for three years. Asking me all the time to justify any money I did spend. Refusing to discipline the four kids but critising me for being too strict when I did. I didn't see all this when I was with him, so utterly depressed that I was.

Give it time, stay strong. You will get there. Over a year on I have never been so happy and my children are all doing well too. Not to mention how much stronger my relationship with them has became, without being made into the 'bad parent' all the time.

Things will get easier, honestly.

Same here! I felt like the biggest bitch in the world when I ended it with my STBXH, 9 months ago. I felt like I was torturing a puppy.
BUT
He was a nob, it was time to get out, I did exactly the right thing (maybe a couple of years too late though!)

Even now when my dc's get upset I feel like a bitch but IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO

For you even more so than me.

Well done for having the strength and courage to do so

Remembering the good times only strengthened my resolve at the end. Because he could be nice to me, he could share fun, he knew how to make me happy - and then chose not to. I can only conclude he preferred to be miserable.