Am i a pushover?

[Annielove]

Right, split up with ex H 8mths ago, he had an affair and said he couldn't promise to be faithful if he stayed!! 27 yr relationship and 4 children. Have survived, although lots of tears and depression on the way. Here's the dilemma...he still pops round, rings to see how i am..etc. I do still love him but know i could never trust him. He still has stuff in the shed and sometimes even makes himself a sandwich!!
I can't seem to be able to say enough is enough and i am not really moving on.
He says he has no storage where he is ,but is that my problem?? I can't afford the mortgage on my own so he still has that over me . I just don't know if he can be my close friend which i think is what he wants. He says he loves me and wants me to always be a part of his life...

you need to set clear boundaries and emotional distance
it's a bit soon,bit raw for him to do the let's be friends speech
set some practical time demands about storage etcand if need be sell up o you're not beholden to him paying mortgage

Sorry for you huge upset, BUT he is the selfish one HE is not letting you move on he is just wants his cake and eat , YOU deserve so much better , either you make the decision which i know is hard but you have to seperate your emotional head with your finances , try and get that sorted out and then he will not have a hold over you, then you will have the space to decide whether you want to keep him in your life , and get over the hurt he has caused you, good luck take care.

P.S. And no you are certainly not a pushover just a faithful wife and mother who has been subjected to too much after 27 years of marriage.

you're pushover if coerced into situations you don't want
don't allow him to manipulate you, he knows you love him and plays it
do financially separate,get closure

When I started dating DH he lived in a flat. His tools and "garage stuff" lived in his bedroom, his ex got the lawnmower. It was not his ex's problem that he chose to live somewhere with inadequate storage.

Thanks for replying, i guess i haven't been strong enough to make that final break. I still find myself worrying about his happiness which is crazy because he treated me so badly. I think he can tell himself that because we are still friends what he did wasn't that bad....but he absolutely destroyed me. Looking back i don't think i could ever say no to him . Even the children can't tell him how they feel. I laugh and joke with him but inside i still hurt desperately and i don't know if he is dating , i don't want to.

be kind to yourself you've suffered betrayal
but pragmatically you need to sort finances,mortgage
garner support and pals and don't be so available to him.that will be hard

You need to stand up for yourself my love and tell him how you feel. You haven't been a push over as yet but if you don't put a stop to this it will eat and eat at you. If you are too afraid to do it for you, can you do it for the kids who must find it terribly confusing? Sounds like you have had a lucky escape though, what a selfish person!

I think you need to be strong and force a break, for your own sanity. His stuff needs to go, the cosy conversations need to stop - he needs to be asking to make a sandwich and you saying no.

He won't have paying the mortgage over you if you sort it through solicitors. He shouldn't be able to lord it over you. You have 4 kids together - he needs to pay for their support and housing and not act like he's doing you a favour. He is not. He is doing the bare fucking minimum, while messing with your head.