Bored, fed up, always arguing! Need advice!

[xxxxniczxxxx]

Me & my husband have been married for nearly 3 years and got married really young (me 18 him 20) and quick we only new each other for around 9 months before we got married then the month after we got married i packed my bags and moved country to live with him. Only after a short time i fell pregnant. I feel like my life has been rushed and i don't have the guts to slow it down or i don't no what to do.
From the moment i met my husband he has seriously lied to me, but i forgave him and regained trust back in him. However since being married he is still lying about pointless things such a money etc. I just feel as if no matter what i do and how much trust i put in him he just brakes it.
When i fell pregnant (2 month after being married) things started getting worse, one night he went crazy and started shouting hitting things and throwing things around like i had never seen before. It was then i realised i didn't no him aswell as what i thought when we got married. From that moment for over 2 years now occasionally he just makes a simple argument into a massive explosion. Iv been physically, mentally, emotionally hurt and at the time he just doesn't care. Then when he cools down maybe 5 hours later he'll apologise, i don't forgive him straight away but eventually i do forgive him. He keeps telling me he's going to change, as much as i want to believe it i can't see it happening.
I just feel so weak and stressed out right now. I feel as if he has completely changed the person i am, i used to be fun and confident now im scared to walk out the house in case people laugh and past judgement at me, i have such low self esteem and i'm to embarrassed and scared to do anything about it.

I just feel like giving up, but im so scared to leave him. I don't want to be a single mum with no job and be lonely. I love him so much i just want him to change so badly but i no deep down its not going to happen. "A leopard doesn't change its spots"
We are going to try counselling however with his job he is away so much, its really hard to find time to get a session.

i no i have rambled on and i more than likely haven't made much sense but i have no one to speak to about this i can't trust anyone. I would just like some helpfull advice or at least someone to try and make me feel better about this situation.

Thanks Nicola.x

Sweetie you know that he won't change. You rushed in without knowing him properly. Being a single mum is better than being miserable and trapped with an abusive man. People don't change in that way. You are so young, you have plenty of time to be happy with your baby and eventually meet a nice guy who treats you properly!

"I don't want to be a single mum with no job and be lonely. "

Poor you. You're lonely now. You describe yourself as embarrassed, scared, low-self-esteem and you think people are laughing at you. You can't have much contact with others if that's the way he's made you feel.

No, he won't change. Counselling is rarely effective in this situation because all that will happen is that he will promise to change & apologise, the same way he's done in the past, not meaning a word of it. There's no shame in admitting you made a mistake choosing a partner or that you rushed things. What would be a shame would be to realise all that but stick around anyway, taking more punishment. It's especially not fair on your child to grow up thinking this kind of environment is normal.

Don't you have family you can talk to? A friend? The people at Women's Aid are very good for people in abusive relationships and they're just a phone-call away. 0808 2000 247 Why not give them a call and see what they suggest?

Just to clarify, when you say you moved country to be with him, which country are you in now and where are you from originally?

Thank you.
Iv moved to Germany to be with him since he is in the army. Im originally from scotland.

I have a great family but i just feel to ashamed to speak to them about it, since moving away iv lost close contact with my closest friends so i can't even speak to them about it and i don't like the thought of others judging me and telling me "told you so" i feel like id be letting so many people down. Even though i know in my heart i shouldn't be in this situation i know it sound silly but i just feel so scared to give up and walk away. And even getting away is hard, the only chance id get to go leave would be when he is away with work.
I'm going back home in 2 weeks whilst he is away with work for 2 months so i think im going to try and get my head around things and try to feel normal and myself again, im debating weather to even go back to germany or not. I just don't feel its worth it anymore.

He decided to have another argument tonight again, luckily enough a neighbour (sort of friend) came round and my husband eventually went away back to his friends. I just hate living like this and i feel like im being a bad mother putting my child through this even though he doesn't witness anything i still feel like i'm the bad one. All i want is for his to have the best life possible. I know it isn't here in this situation but then if i leave id be taking him away from his dad.

I no there has to be someone out there for me that is right but i just don't no why someone would want to end up with damaged goods. I feel like id be on my own for the rest of my life. Fair enough i have the most amazing child in the world and he is all i really want in my life, but i would like to have a proper family of my own one day.

When you go to your family in the next 2 weeks, tell them what's been going on, take all your stuff with you and don't go back. Like the previous poster, I also feared the 'I told you so' reaction when my marriage ended but got nothing but support. I know what you mean about letting everyone down. Weddings are full of high hopes and expectations, not to mention the expense and the gifts. It's bloody embarrassing to admit it's all gone wrong and it was all for nothing.

Your DH sounds like he has some serious problems. Get yourself away and safe. Good luck

your kids dont need to see that shit - get out now - if not for you - for them

OP, I'm a forces wife too and understand the extra stresses of military life. Has your Dh been on a few tours? It really doesn't help when they are away so much does it? In their heads they are constantly psyched up for battle.

I would suggest visiting the AFF website and contacting Army Welfare for help and advice. You may also find the Padre very helpful. If you do want to work on your relationship, you are also entitled to free Relate sessions. Perhaps pop over to the Forces Sweethearts message board for some more advice too.

Whilst I do not condone your husbands behaviours, being a soldier presents its own unique challenges to relationships. They spend months at a time being 'one of the lads', getting shot at, shooting enemy and seeing enough to give you nightmares on daily basis. Then, they come home and have to be a loving husband and father. I don't know anybody who would find the contrast easy to deal with.

Please do talk to your friends and neighbours, forces wives are very supportive in times of need

You already know this isn't going to get better. Trust in yourself and cut your losses. Wishing you the best.