Why do they do this?

[toptramp]

I'm feeling a bit deflated. New man texted me a lot last week proclaiming deep affection, how he's missing me etc. I was trying to stay nonchalent but such texts invited a similar response. Now he's gone quiet on me. I am such a fool.
He is my holiday romance. Such a cliche. It is an expensive plane ticket away and he can't afford it at the moment. I said that I had the money and would fly to see him. He agreed at first and then changed his mind saying that he would like to wait a bit longer until he has the money so we can pay half each on a flight. He dosn't feel comfortable for me dipping into my savings. I don't care tbh as I have comfortable savings and for me money is of no object. I tried to suggest some other dates when we could fly but he hasn't replied. I feel a bit confused and led up the garden path.
I said that I wanted to see him as I didn't want the flame to go out. He said that is it is meant to be the flame won't go out and we should wait another month until he has enough cash. I questioned him if he was wanting to give us a go and he said he wasn't sure because of the money and then changed his mind. He said that I was putting doubts in his mind by me questioning him but then said that we could make it. He maintained that he wanted to be with me. Then we had some rather hot email sex. we are compatible in that area and we have very similar interests. There is a real connection on an intellectual and emotional level but the practicalities are getting in the way.
Last week he told me he was crazy about me and would sell his arse to be with me. This week he dosn't even seem to make a date to be with me. I think the reality of long distance love when skint is hitting home for him. Back to reality etc. He is a skint student in a city of 40% unemployment so I understand his financial concerns.
How to play it cool in long distance love?

And by expensive I don't mean astronomical. A hundred pounds or so but if he is skint it is a lot of money. My gut feeling is that if he was keen he would find the cash.

He also made a wierd excuse about how in his culture it is important for the man to provide for the women and that is why he dosn't want me to pay for the whole fare. Meeting half way for him would be a compromise. i think he feels ashamed about having no cahs but I don't think any less of him. He is rich intellectually. He's a millionaire in that respect. It's just practicalities.

Be careful- he is making sure that you know he is poor very early on, and this could well be a prelude to asking you for cash.

I have no idea whether he's genuine or not, but keep your wits about you.

'it's just practicalities which stand in the way of our love' is an oft-used line when someone is trying to get money. How can you overcome practicalities? By you giving them money!

Actually, I do have an idea whether he's genuine or not. He isn't.

Too focused on money. Let him pay and do not contact him again first. Take care of yourself. You are not sure of his intentions. If there is pain that is a warning, all is not as it seems and your instincts are correct in most instances.

yes, be very very careful. this man seems like he's reeling you in. making you so desperate to see him, you have said ' i don't care about the money, it's no object' some blokes do this for a living you know, and every single woman they do it to thinks 'no, he's not like that,we have a connection'. sorry, i am a cynical bitch, but DO NOT send him any cash. If he wants to see you he will not blow hot and cold, and will find the money, let him do it, please. where is he anyway? turkey by chance?

Eygypt?

OP, you have a hell of a track record for picking arsehole men to have a 'deep connection' with. This one is just another con artist who has probably gone cold on you as one of the other silly biffers he is fleecing is demanding more of his attention and paying him more at the moment. so he's got you on the back burner for a bit.

I've seen a lot of your threads, you really really need to stop dating altogether, for at least a year, and do some work on yourself, otherwise you will carry on blundering desperately from knobber to knobber, getting hurt, getting ripped off, as women who have had a lot of abusive relationships generally give off some sort of signal to abusers that they are vulnerable and desperate and won't stand up for themselves.

*Egypt

Why do they do it? Because they can. OP delete/block.

I would back right off i'm afraid.

Let it go as a holiday romance.

He may have run out of money to text, of just off you, as he didn't seem sure earlier on.
At worst he's after your money.
In any case, forget about him.

He's not from Egypt. He's from Spain. In any case I am backing off. H edidn't tell me about a special connection; there just was one. We talked all night about literature etc and had great sex. However, if taht isn't good enough for him; nowt is.

I have not sent him any money AT all.

Hmmmm interesting one that scam thing. I didn't think of that.

I am a silly bint aren't I Oh well I did have a great time with him. Was well worth it for the holiday romance and sgb; I was actually very happy being single when I met him and will turn to that state again pronto.

I met him when he was working on holiday as a waiter so not a great job an dnow he's a student who lives with his mum. Great.

Toptramp. It was nice memories you created, that is all. Holiday romance. That is all you have right now from that experience up until today. If he wants you he will come. I guarantee that. Do not contact him first, reply only. You must miss him .wonder what if,.feel foolish,.wonder what life be lime together etc. if he feels the same he will contact you, and tell you this at some point a.d if he is telling the truth tbere should be no doubt on your part if you have your sensible head on.

Meanwhile get busy! Do not wallow.

Keep on posting, do not torture yourself keeping it all in. We'll help get you over him.