But I have a child!

[FuckityFuckFuck]

That phrase is driving me nuts and it's OH that is constantly using it! It's his go-to response for everything

If he is asked to go out, when arranging where to go/times etc it's always 'I have a child, I can't do that/meet then'
His shifts at work are being reviewed and may be changed ever so slightly, same hours p/w, same pay just very small changes (like chaging a start time by half an hour) and I have had rant over this for a week 'But I have a child!. The people sort out the shifts don't have children, they don't understand' etc etc etc.

It's all said with a tone of 'I am the first person to ever have a child, everybody should work around me at all times'.

Is this normal when DS is 3 and starting nursery next week?! He wasn't like this when DS was first born. He enjoys his job, loves his friends, but suddenly, after 3.7 years, he seems to have found a sense of entitlement because he has reproduced.

We have a nice life, nice home, not a lot of money (but we have never been rolling in it). Should I be worried or just roll my eyes and hope it passes?

Sounds a bit odd! is he normally very self-absorbed and thinking that the world should revolve around him?

Have you had a word with him about it, asked him why he thinks it makes such a difference?

So, will the new shift pattern be inconvenient because your oh usually take your child to work? It is also your child, is it not? Do you work?

I'm a bit confused.

Is he complaining about half hour earlier start because he takes kids to school or something? Both of those things I'd understand. If I had to come into work earlier, I'd kick up a fuss because I take dc to school (but there again I had that written into my contract as it was the only dealbreaker).

Are the kids both of yours? Are you saying he's using this refrain as an excuse to do things/ not to do things and is it just generally irritating you?

Terribly worded post above sorry!

He isn't self-absorbed in the slightest usually. He is a great father, has always done loads with DS from the very beginning, takes him out at weekends, does his share of the housework.

When I said that he isn't the only one at work with a child (he really isn't, huge employer), and that small changes would not make a difference, he got in a huff with me and said I was deliberatly mis-understanding him.

I have asked if anything is bothering him and he said he was fine, happy apart from the fact he is overweight (join the club mate). We are both on a diet/exercise. But again, he was overweight when I met him, he's probably slimmer now than he was 5 years ago

OK, is he getting mildly obsessive about anything else?

What's the reason for the renegotiating shifts and why is he upset about it exactly?

If it doesn't affect childcare arrangements is it that he is worried they will keep changing his hours and it will? Are the changes pointless/less important than he thinks they should be to change his arrangements with his dcs.

Moving his shifts won't affect childcare at all. I work part-time, mainly evenings and my mother looks after DS until he gets home (DS is our child together. No other children)

He is complaining, from what I can gather, because they are thinking about changing things without first asking him what would be best for him. He works for a massive company, employs thousands of people. He is getting worked up about it even though it hasn't happened yet

I take him to work most days, so it won't affect him getting there. His employer is brilliant and provides taxi's when people finish after 7pm so also waon't affect him getting hom

I think I would be worried if I was him too. It can be frightening to realise you are at the mercy of your employer and that if they felt like it they could make changes without even asking if it is ok because they don't know whether or not it affects his child/family. Also being a big company doesn't let you off actually checking whether a change to working hours is ok with the people working. I think it is really bad form and I can see why he'd be upset.

I think you need to find out why he feels so bad about it tbh.

Is it going to affect his time with dc?

Perhaps he thinks it's the start of the slippery slope - perhaps he's worried that if he accepts the small changes, bigger ones might be thrust upon him and those will affect him and the way his life is structured at the moment?

Perhaps there is more going on at work than you know about and it's really bothering him?

Is he geuniely worried or more spouting/ranting over the big brother type behaviour of his employer. Like 'they ate considering these changes, havent consulted me, and i have a child to consider! Even though they dont affect his time with dc, the employer isnt to know that without checking and so its the assumption he is aggrieved at?

I used to be a manager for bt and we used to get this uproar everytime we suggested changes. Once we worked around childcare etc it was fine but every. Single. Person complained purely as they hated being dictated to and changes in their lifestyle.

I think you need to be a bit easier on him and find out what he really means. As above, I would be wary of goalposts being shifted in case it did begin to impact on family life.

Thanks,

I'll have a chat with him later to see if anything else is going on. I will be surprised if it is the shifts because we both used to work for the government so even having notice that they are considering changing something is a huge bonus, but I am quite often wrong :)