Things not the same anymore

[rockandahardplace2012]

Hi Ladies,
Ive been with my partner for 4 years and we have a beautiful dd who is 22 months old. The thing is our relationship seems to have changed, i know its meant to after having kids but, he doesnt say the things he used to say. I know this is going to sound so naff but he used to say things like
" i never want to wake up next to anyone but you"
"did i tell you how much i love you today"
Stuff like that and he hardly says it now, is that the way it goes for all relationships?

Sorry to hear this rock, is anything else going on that gives you cause for concern? Is it just the words that are missing or have other things changed to?

Anyone can say words.. actions are the most important thing really.

i think it's just they get used to you...why don't you become a bit more elusive? Go out without him...

You can't maintain the level of honeymoon loved-up-ness throughout a lifelong relationship. With a small child you will both be feeling tired, mundane. You can get into a bit of a rut and take each other for granted. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the relationship, just that it takes more conscious effort to keep up a certain level of romance. But I think it would be unrealistic to expect the same level as when you got together. Have you been out together on your own since DD was born? maybe you both need a bit of a break.

Do you say these things to him?

How does he react?

well we arent living together at the moment, i moved out when dd was 6 months old. lots of different reasons we just needed time apart, he tells me he loves me but i have to say it first most times. Were moving back in together in october after my holiday with dd and my family. ( hes not going, long story him and my family dont get on) Were looking to move house next year so we've got some exciting times ahead, i just wanted reassurance really that its happens to couples after having kids, but you can get it back.
Other than this we are doing fine

I know what you mean OP, it's easy to say that "actions speak louder than words" etc, but it's nice to hear them once in while too. As Worra said, do you say things like that to him? Make a "datenight" and take him out for a meal, try to reignite the romance, leave him a small note in his wallet or somewhere. I think after 18 years I've almost forgotten what romance is, might have to get my notebook and pen out!

Worra I dont say these things to him, so i suppose im half to blame too! We have had a few nights out and they have been lovely just the two of us, and he seems totally different then, so i think were just stuck in a bit of a rut at the moment. I might suggest a night out soon

Well, yeah, of course things change. Those first months of love and infatuation can't last forever (in fact its documented that its a chemical reaction that wears off within 18 months).
But you didn't have much time together before you had children, so you've sort of jumped from one end of the spectrum to the other.

I think if you've had problems it's understandable he won't be gushing like he used to. You have to give it time. You say there were problems with your family and you won't be moving in together again until after your holiday with your family (without him). It's going to take a while for mutual trust in the relationship to settle. Don't try to force it.

Thanks ladies, i suppose you stop trying and you get comfortable with someone. Must try harder

My hubby told me the other day that I was 'so precious'. I made a joky wretching sound and we ended up play fighting. 10 years ago (at the beginning of our relationship) a comment like that would have sent me all doe-eyed. I think things do change, but as long as the love is still there it doesn't matter. However, you should talk to your hubby about how things have changed (try not to moan though) and see if you can put back some of what you are missing.

Thanks mamabear thats put my mind at ease, might have a little chat this weekend

Hi there
WE are going to move this to our relationships topic
Thanks
MNHQ