How do I behave with nephew?

[atosilis]

We have a generation slip. My granddaughter is 5 years younger than my nephew. (No Jeremy Kyle situation).

My nephew is 6 and is very rude to my parents (his grandparents and my 20+ yr old daughters' grandparents).

His mum (my sister) treats him like Buddha and talks to him like an adult.

She has asked me to have him for the weekend while they go to Paris.

A little bit of me wants to be as strict as I was 20 years ago and yet a bit thinks he is not my problem and let him stay up for hours 'because he his highly intelligent and needs to be treated like an adult'.

Do I revert to my previous strictness or let him rule my house while I swallow medication my tongue?

Your house your rules. As a Cm i have to stick to this or else all hell would break loose.

Erm, yeah. Your house, your rules. If she doesn't like your rules then she'll have to find another babysitter.

I'd say no to taking him for the weekend.

If he is highly intelligent and needs to be treated like an adult, he'd LOVE to go to Paris wouldn't he....

We've 'crossed swords' already today. I needed him to sit in 'A' for safety. He flatly refused. His mum tried to explain why it was safe, fucking minutes of explanation.

He flatly refused and lay on the floor.

I wanted to physically put him in 'A', no discussion - this is WHAT IS DONE.

He never got in A

Tell your Dsis that it's not going to work. Tell her to make alternative plans. or do a parenting course or twelve

There is no link between intelligence and the requirement to be treated like an adult. Intelligent children are still children, and need to learn good manners like any other trainee adult!

In fact they are normally faster at learning good manners and civilised behaviour - so there are no excuses

So yes, your rules in your house, or no babysitting! I know which I'd pick but hey.....

I will tell her that she should ask friends and I will do it if absolutely necessary. She saw my face today and might be a little afraid.

The funny thing is that he might be a little afraid too - and consequently as good as gold.

Not worth the risk......

I bet he would really like your good strict rules. He's probably sick of being talked at like an adult. Treat him like a 6yo

I agree with you, he pushes boundaries so much, he probably would appreciate 'NO' END OF, without a philosophical discussion.

Thanks all, I will treat him like I treated my children. (All very balanced adults)

ETA: If I HAVE to

What's 'A' ?

Just giving an example of something that needed doing. Fit a suitable phrase for 'A'.

But what did you want to put him in?

A = (car seat) or (life jacket) or (helmet)

His place. That's where he needs to be put.

Ok thanks, must be late, my brain's not working

Agree with Mummy Pig. He would probably love being treated like a 6 yr old and having boundaries.
Poor child probably doesn't know what the hell he's meant to be doing.

Treat him like a six year old. I work on Camhs and have had kids who who are screwed up from not being able to be kids but are treated as mini adults or friends. Even off he is clever he'll still need the same amount of sleep as any other six year old.

Do remember that your nephew is not the villain here - he is a very small child who is the sum of his environment and experience.

I know you will reply 'I know that, my frustration is with my sister' but we're all human and our feelings about a) a child's parents and b) a child's behaviour can warp our feelings and influence the way we behave.

I feel sorry for him if he is being treated over indulgently/inappropriately at home, but then picking up on feelings of disapproval and anger from you or other family members when he's with you.

If you can't be loving and relaxed around him - no I wouldn't have him to stay. That's not fair on him.

If you can get past your feelings and give him a lovely weekend - abiding by your bedtime/car seat rules but relaxing on some of the unusual things he says or does or expects - because he's your nephew and you love him...then do it.

TBH, tell her no if you mean no.

If you say you´ll have him "if necessary"-she won´t look for an alternative, will she?

Or if you do have him-look after him as you see fit & make it easy on both of you!

Thank you proud, I will try and remember that. At the moment I am fast 'going off' him. The waiter in the restaurant was a bit after being spoken to like a servant.

One of my nephews is somewhat similar.
Not as bad, and younger but still clever and not dealt with properly.

When I have him, and I had him with grandparents for 2 weeks these holidays, I treat him like my son. Who tells him that when I threaten something I do carry on (and swiftly), btw.

We had no major issues, although he did try to push it a few times. It would have worked better without the grandparents, but not too bad. I use a mixture of being strict, consistent, not being bothered, and challenging him to get him to do what is needed and to avoid or work around tantrums.
The same when I have him at my home.
My house my rules.

Oh, and although I was strict (as well as fun), I still got lots of hugs and cuddles.
Children do thrive with discipline, when reasonable and well applied.

Oh, and whenever we have eachothers kids, my siblings and I never discuss discipline.
We just do what we do our own.

If he asks you to take care of him it should be under your rules. Same as school.
No arguments.