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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I Over-reacting?

34 replies

PinkGirltams · 05/09/2012 16:56

I really can't decide whether my reaction to a situation with my fiance is an over-reaction or if any reasonable person would feel the same as I - hopefully the answers I get might help to clarify things for me. It's just a small thing in the grand scheme of things but it's really, really bugging me!
So what's happened is that my fiance has posted a photo of my engagement ring on MY Facebook timeline/profile without having asked me in advance if I minded him doing so. When we got engaged I changed my status to reflect the fact that we had got engaged but I didn't want to post a photo of my engagement ring because that's just not me. For me it was enough that people could see my change of status and congratulate us and as for the engagement ring I was happy to show it to family and close friends. The fact that he's done this without asking how I felt about it first has made me quite cross. Had he posted the photo of the ring on his own Facebook page I wouldn't have minded as that would have been up to him if he'd wanted to share it with his own Facebook friends but without consulting me at all he's decided that all my Facebook friends will see the ring and gone ahead and done it without leaving me any choice in the matter. Admittedly I hadn't spoken to him beforehand about how I felt on the subject of putting photos of engagement rings on Facebook but then it was never something that had come up in the normal course of conversation but had he asked me how I felt I would of course have told him. And even if I did want to put a photo of my engagement ring on Facebook then isn't it customary for the bride-to-be to put a photo of it on her Facebook wall, not for the fiance to do it for her.
I just don't understand what could have possessed him to do this and the only thing I can think of that might explain his actions is that one of my best friends whom I've known for over twenty years (far longer than I've known my fiance) is male and because his mother is critically ill at the moment I've been spending a bit more time with him than I usually do so could it be that he put the photo of my ring on my wall as a kind of statement to my male friend to make it clear that I 'belong' to him. My fiance did comment a few days ago that I was spending more time than I usually do with my male best friend so could it be that this whole thing about putting the photo of my ring on Facebook was done out of jealousy?

I haven't talked to him about it all yet because I really can't decide if I'm over-reacting to the situation or not so I'd be so grateful to get anyone's views on this - how they'd feel if their fiance had done the same.

OP posts:
PinkGirltams · 13/09/2012 16:11

Thank you all so much for your feedback. A few days after posting I thought to myself that perhaps I was over-reacting so I just quietly deleted the photo and didn't mention anything about it or how I felt to my fiance. Then, 24 hours later, without asking me about it, he posted the same picture of my engagement ring on my Facebook timeline again. Why, why, why when someone has deleted a photo you've posted on their Facebook timeline would you post it on there again???? I feel like he's showing absolutely no respect for my feelings and am questioning seriously whether to break off the engagement. I am starting to think that it is as one of you ladies mentioned - that his posting the photo of the engagement ring is a sign of him being terratorial and actually quite possessive and I don't want to be with someone like that.
There have been other occasions where he has phoned me and phoned me, never leaving any messages, five or six times in the space of 4 hours. My phone's been on silent because I've been busy at work and then I'll find out that he's phoned my Mum to ask why I haven't picked up the phone to him. So I find myself once again asking is his behaviour normal and am I just being silly and over-reacting?

OP posts:
ErikNorseman · 13/09/2012 16:31

Have you asked him why he did it?

DuelingFanjo · 13/09/2012 16:36

ask him why?
You can't have a relationship where you don't communicate about the things that annoy you.

JollyJumper · 13/09/2012 16:37

Mirry, the same thought crossed my mind. She doens't like the ring or she's not sure of wanting to get married.

tarleton · 13/10/2014 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Banastre5 · 29/08/2017 21:45

I am so glad I found this! Wish I'd seen it when it was written. Now I know exactly what sort of person I was engaged to.

Disgusting LIES and using my Mum's devastating illness for your own ends.

After everything I did for you, these lies make me feel sick.

aibuhellno · 31/08/2017 11:48

Its simple really, change your settings so you have to approve what goes on your timeline then but first of all explain why you dont want to put the picture on there.

maras2 · 31/08/2017 11:54

5 YEAR OLD ZOMBIE THREAD **

Donttouchthethings · 31/08/2017 22:44

Are we to understand that Banastre5 is the OP's fiancé?

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