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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Christening dilema

8 replies

mygirllolipop · 16/03/2006 09:48

Not sure if this is the right place for this but..........
DD1&2 were christened at 10 months in the same (very lovely, and very expensive) gown. DD3 is now 11 months old an we wanted her christened in this gown this month but moved it to May because my parents split up late Jan, my bro and SIL couldn't make March so mam would have been on her own (no other family) while dad sat with his family. Mam has more good days than bad but still finds it hard talking to my dad (to sort out the divorce etc) and the first dilema is that she doesn't want dad and my nanna there (his mam). I do want him there though and think I will invite him even thought this will hurt my mam.

The second dilema is that even though this has been arranged since late Feb, MIL has just decided she is in Austria (or somewhere) with Brownies (I think).
I am now 5 wks pg with baby#4 so should I just wait and get DD3 and DB4 christened together when things have settled down with mam and dad and when everyone can make it (bearing in mind that PIL are very busy at all times), DD3 can't wear the traditional gown, and I will pi$$ the vicar person off by cancelling again. Or should I go ahead with my already delayed plans, DD3 wears the gown, MIL can't come, mam could be upset and have another christening when DB4 is born? Also I'm then hypocritical wanting my bro, SIL and dad there (not bothered about nanna!) but not changing the date so MIL can be there.
Or should I forget the whole idea in the first place? Neither DH nor I are particularly religious but we want the children christened so they can be married and burried in a church should they wish, without having to be accepted into the church when they are adults (for the marriage part!).
DH thinks these rules will change by the time they are adults anyway, and isn't being very helpful in deciding. I think he wants his mam there (fair enough) but won't say it and he knows they will prob be busy on the next date we decide. And he won't say anything against my decision even if he thinks it's wrong - he'll just complain afterwards!
I'll shut up now cos this is long enough now, over to you........

OP posts:
TearsBeforeBedtime · 16/03/2006 10:00

I'ld put it off until DB4 is born. I would have thought that now you're expecting DB4, that will be an excellent excuse to give to the vicar for waiting till DB4 is born.

SwimmingUpHillThroughCustard · 16/03/2006 10:04

do you want to have your little one christend in may?
because in my experience, family cause more problems than enough and dp's mother made our dd's day a living hell, so' if they dont want to/cant come, do it alone or just with god aprents..alternativly wait until next child born, arrange to have the done together and explain that you are inviting people YOU want there, it will be your childrens christening day and not about thier squabble, so bite there toungue for the day..harsh i know, but i wish id done it!

mygirllolipop · 16/03/2006 10:05

Thanks TBB, I was just thinking about sending invites out so need to decide. I know it's prob the sensible option waiting I just need others' opinions. We haven't told anyone (apart from MN) about me being pg but don't mind telling the vicar, will have to tell everyone else first! Thanks again TBB

OP posts:
Angeliz · 16/03/2006 10:07

My sister and her boyfriend ruined dd's Christening and i am hopefully planning to get dd2 Christened where none of them can come toSmile

Sorry, the moral of that is, i'd do whatever you and DP want. If she knew about it before she booked her Holiday then she's made her choice hasn't she and the Christening didn't seem to be very impotant to her then!

mygirllolipop · 16/03/2006 10:08

If I wait then I will def say: this IS the day we're getting them 'done', and this IS who we're inviting. Thanks SUHTC for giving me the confidence and incentive (don't want day ruined by them).

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mckenzie · 16/03/2006 10:13

agree with other comments. It's what you and your DH want. You'll never be able to please everybody anyway.

(My MIL booked a holiday after we gave her the date of DD's christening so she didn't have to come Sad)

SwimmingUpHillThroughCustard · 16/03/2006 10:37

just hope your day go's well and rememberd fondly not marred by bickering guestsSmile
good luck hope everything go's well

mygirllolipop · 16/03/2006 11:13

Thanks Angeliz, sorry we crossed posts earlier. I can see the moral that everyone's saying an dI agree I just couldn't see the wood for the trees! TBH I don't know if we did mention the date of the Christening to PIL until last wkend. Oops if that's the case.
Mckenzie thanks too, so Sad what your MIL did.
Thanks again SUHTC.

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