May have just demonstrated I'm a nutter

[lilachair]

Argh.

Have been sort of seeing this man for 6 weeks. Met him on a dating site. It's all very slow burn, which I think I wanted. But texts every day quite a bit and seeing him once or twice a week for dinner, movies and very good sex

He always goes home after. Won't stay over, but actually now I know that's not his thing I'm ok with that. I like my own space too.

Usually get a text when he gets home, thanks for a nice evening, that sort of thing. Last night, nothing. Granted it was about 1am. So I text him. Nothing. Woke up at 3, still nothing. Was a tiny bit worried he had crashed his car on way home or something, so sent another, just 'hope you got home ok'.

Saw him updating Facebook this morning and sent a 'did I do something wrong' message. Want to unsend it! Argh. I promised myself no angst this time.

He has replied with 'just got your messages... etc' and I have now compounded my stupidity by telling him I panicked a bit and am a natural nervous wreck.

He's going to run and hide isn't he? And he's right. Damn.

Good post, Racingheart.

I do think that staying over is the difference between seeing someone casually and having a proper relationship with them, but some people need longer to get to that stage of intimacy.

If he is fun and interesting, then back off, wait for him to get in touch and arrange to see him again. Don't second guess or analyze your behaviour or his response. Just go with it.

Agree with just go with it.

DH and I almost never stayed over until we moved in with each other after 7 months. It was just simpler, we slept better and didn't have to think about clothes for going to work the next day etc.

Also, DH is an only child and still really craved his own space (funnily enough he now prefers not to be alone!).

Warning TMI : I also discovered that he has the most regular bowel movements known to man and preferred to be at his place to have a shit in the morning (which, now I live with him, I am glad he did!!!)

Text was very friendly and nice, said (I feel funny about quoting exactly? Seems wrong.. sorry) he just got my 3 messages. yes he got home ok but crashed out straight away and he was just messaging me good morning. kisses. (oh, and you're welcome in response to my thank you for dinner)

So there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Just relax and I'm sure he'll be back in touch again soon with a suggestion for another date.

He sounds nice!

I think it's ridiculous to label someone 'not normal' or to coclude it's not a r-ship just because he hasn't stayed the night. They only met about 10 times! Lots of people need time to get as intimate andtrusting as to sleep in a new partner's company. As a woman, until you know he is in love, it's often the issue of how you look in the morning - I prefer to look my best for a while with a new partner and why should they witness my morning routine? also I don't trust easily, and would feel vulnerable being not conscious with a new man. Plus, I really don;'t sleep well with those who toss and turn (or snore !) as I'm the type who needs good 7-8 hours sleep or I'm a wreck - he may have similar reasons. It can well be to do with OCD if he likes his morning routine just so and things are very orderly at his place (clothes, bathroom stuff). Some people jus need to take it slowly! I need about 3 months with the genuinely enarmoured partner to relax and trust, and if the meeting only once/twice a week, then longer!

*conclude

OP, it will be fine, he sounds quite relaxed about it, but see if he is considerate and will learn that you get anxious and texts from now on when he gets home - or you should agree not to expect texts. If he is an arse he will again not text and wouldn't warn you not to wait up, so it's a good chance see whether he is a bf material or not. And if you can stay at his (soon) that can bring you closer, just see how it goes.

Well said, likeatonne.

There seems to be only one way to do things properly on MN, though.

Thank you all, you are very reassuring, and I feel better.

I genuinely don't mind the staying over thing, I'm glad I'm not alone

Glad you feel better, lila. Keep us posted on how things go! Refreshing to hear you met on a dating site!

I think all that's rather unfair, bricks and numbers. At the beginning of the thread we didn't know about the OCD. Now that I do know about it, I'd regard it as a reasonable explanation (depending on what happens next, obviously).

And actually Lila did sort of imply in the OP that she had originally thought it slightly amiss herself (which again, if she thought it was amiss until he gave the explanation, is fair enough).

So I don't think I was coming out of nowhere to ask why exactly he didn't want to stay over after six weeks of regular dating/shagging. She didn't sound in the OP like she was feeling particularly cosseted by the whole experience. If she is in fact feeling cosseted, then great.

Not cosseted. No. But that is actually ok, as my marriage was suffocating.

A bit wondering where it is going if anywhere I think. But I'm prepared to wait for the whole moving thing the be over. Some people get het up about that sort of thing (I don't as I have done nothing but bloody move for 3 years, am blase) and it does seem to be playing on his mind.

Yep. Totally thought the staying over thing WAS weird, til he explained. I'm not saying I'm totally convinced, but I am now a very suspicious cow But it will do until I find out otherwise, and I have no reason to disbelieve.

I didn't put the OCD thing in the OP as I still feel like I'm talking about him behind his back. Betraying a trust a bit?

Still living with someone else. In the process of moving out. doesnt want them to know he has a GF.

He's single! I'm sure. In a house share with a man, unless that's something joke I think

UPDATE: binned him

That's better.

Well done

Thanks Annie. Nothing changed, in fact it all got very odd. I dumped him by text as it was the only way he communicated. Got an "Oh. Okay..." as a response.

Onwards and upwards!

I was going to say 'dump him' then saw you had! What made you decide to dump this cold fish?

All the reasons above

He was a very sweet man, and moaned about being single, but I think it suited him.

After not seeing him for nearly 2 weeks I braved The Conversation and said I wanted more. I had had a little to drink so I can't really remember his reply but it carried on as before and then I didn't see him for 3 weeks. Hence the text dump.

Bless him. He'll be happy with his playstation and imaginary computer game girls.

Haven't seen this thread before, so glad you are out of it. OCD is not fun to live with (for sufferer or partner).

I could have dealt with that, I think. But he really wasn't that into me. He was very much into himself. I don't think that can be blamed on the OCD.

Well done OP, you are worth so much more!

You are in different gears.

He's not looking for a happy ever after, rose covered cottage, honeymoon in the Seychelles - well, he might be, but not just yet.

Chill a little.

I'm very chilled

It's nice to feel so relaxed about it. I'm not crying into my wine or anything.

Not even bothered if someone else turns up or doesn't. My life is perfectly nice without a fella in it. Lovely feeling.

but there is space if Ryan Gosling happens to accidentally falls through the door

And thank you Lollipop Damn right