My MIL-in-waiting came to visit yesterday. We have quite a strange situation, because she, brought up my partner's nephew (her grandchild, both parents dead before he was 1) until he was 12 and she couldn't cope. We took him and we are bringing him up.
We have had a major task, over the past 2 years, because he had been doing pretty much as he pleased, refusing school, all sorts of stuff. He's now doing well.
Every time MIL comes up and he is in the room with me and he, he starts behaving badly. Rudeness, criticising everything I say, bad table manners, etc. the list goes on.
I talked to him about it, explained that it wasn't even something I particularly blamed him for, a difficult situation after all, in that he used to used to do what she said, and now has to follow my rules. I said she couldn't come to see us again unless he could guarantee he could control this behaviour. He agreed and two visits have gone by without incident.
The rudeness started yesterday when MIL/granny arrived, having driven 3 hours to see us and was driving back the same night, so set to be with us for about 4 hours. She also wants to see our little DS, also her grandchild. Nephew got her to promise to run an errand for him, a really stupid thing for his guinea pigs he could have done himself if inclined. He wanted her to drive across town in the heat, braving one-way system. It's complicated route and she always gets lost anyway. She had had a glass of wine (just one) and wanted to relax (late sixties) but said she would go because she can never stand up to him in anything. There is a history of him making her run around and do everything for him.
This is where it gets a bit messy. I said no way should she do it, he started shouting at me saying to keep out and she wanted to do it. She then started saying she did want to do it, because she had said. They both retired to the end of the garden. Nephew crying. SHe came back and said she was taking him in the car because she had said she would. I said if she wanted to undermine my trying to instil positive values in him then she should just bring him up herself. My relationship with MIL is usually very good and she is incredibly grateful that we took him - she would rather die than have him back (although she loves him, she knows she is a useless parent).
Lots of stropping around. DN refused to speak to me, she took him out in the car (although not on the errand) and when he came back he was happy, but no apology for extreme rudeness, ostentatious bad table manners, refused to do the simple tasks he is usually good at doing. I am going to tell him today that I will pay for rail fares for him to visit her but no more visits for a while.
I was awake all night feeling angry. SHe loves him to pieces but she is a bad influence on his life.