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Original poster

Your thoughts please Ladies.....

18 replies

HMG83 · 04/09/2012 00:18

Right, I have been texting a guy for about a year. He's made most of the contact and said lovely things such as:

She's the one (to his cousins and mates when we first met)

I will wait for as long as it takes you to be ready.....

He seemed really genuine and not like other guys. Anyway, it was our birthdays recently and we discussed meeting up for dinner. He was really keen but then suddenly, about a week ago, no contact. Ive sent a couple of texts, nothing crazy just open texts that he would usually have responded to in minutes.

Is this normal? Is he just like all the others or could he have lost his phone or broken it or something?

I feel like I'm going mad because I was beginning to really like this guy!

I have been tempted to call to see if it it goes straight to voicemail or to see if he picks up.

Is it really that hard to say "im not interested anymore" or "ive met someone" or "just leave me alone"?

OP posts:
BonnyDay · 04/09/2012 00:22

He's married.

GlesgaRocket · 04/09/2012 00:22

Have you actually met him/dated him, or has it just been all texts?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/09/2012 00:26

Could be any reason for dropping contact and no, a whole week of no comms these days is not normal. Even when mobiles pack up there are still land-lines & e-mails to fall back on.. Keep your cool, resist the temptation to contact him and get on with your life. I'm sure you'll find out what happened at some point.

ErikNorseman · 04/09/2012 08:31

You've been texting for a year? Have you seen each other at all?
Texting is a particularly shallow and unreal form of communication. It isn't even like emailing where you can write as much as you like - iy's little, well chosen sentences that you can sit and consider, delete and rewrite, edit and proof read. It's not real communication. You can't have a real relationship by text.

CrackerJackShack · 04/09/2012 08:33

He's met someone else.

wednesdaygirl · 04/09/2012 08:38

Hes on holiday with his wife and kids

SoleSource · 04/09/2012 12:40

He is not genuine, married or dead. Whatever he is,.he was telling fibs. Lesson learned. Meet asap or move on. Call him from a phonebox or diffetent sim card.

Jokat · 04/09/2012 12:45

I was once told by a guy who I'd known for several years (or so I thought) that he'll wait for me etc, and it turned out he was engaged and had a child and another on the way.

SPsFanjoSponsoredByFemFresh · 04/09/2012 12:49

I was seeing someone for a month. He was great. So lovely, he would take me out, be in contact all the time, turn up with gifts randomly.

After a month I found out the name he had given me was fake, his age was fake, he was driving me around in his family car not his dads as he had said and he was married with a child!

dreamingbohemian · 04/09/2012 12:52

I don't understand... do you ever meet in person? Talk on the phone or email? Why would you keep such limited communication for an entire year?

Houseofplain · 04/09/2012 12:55

You've been texting for a year? You were only just starting to like him? Sounds like is was going no where anyway. The contact probably suited him. He's either married or met someone else.

Original poster
HMG83 · 04/09/2012 13:59

Apologies in advance for not name checking everyone....

We had occasionally bumped in to each other on nights out but I haven't been ready to date anyone until now, so I kept my distance.

I did like him in the beginning, we spent a lot of time talking in person but I was too scared to get involved with someone after what my ex did.

I have tried to find him on facebook (I have his name - or at least the name that was on his debit card!) but he has no online presence. Which doesn't concern me because people couldn't find me online even if they wanted too.

It's good to hear your thoughts/experiences because I feel like it's me ie what's wrong with me for someone to just ignore me like that?

OP posts:
HipHopOpotomus · 04/09/2012 14:23

There's nothing wrong with you. But you might like to think about why you think texting a person for a year is any kind of relationship??? I agree he is probably married and currently on holiday. He'll pop up again soon no doubt once he is back to work.

If you are looking for a relationship you are wasting your time forming an emotional attachment with such a 'texter', as you will be emotionally unavailable should you meet a real person.

Delete the number, move on - find a real man.

Original poster
HMG83 · 04/09/2012 14:33

Sorry, I would never have classed what we had as a "relationship".

He was merely someone who I met on a night out that I was interested in but not ready to take it further. He used to come in to the club I worked at with his mates and cousins and spend the night chatting to me for months.

Might help to clarify that we are both normal, outgoing people. It progressed to texting only when I stopped working in the town's nightclub at weekends.

OP posts:
CrikeyOHare · 04/09/2012 17:01

I would be highly suspicious of anyone who announced to their mates that "she's the one" before any actual relationship got started.

It sounds like he's a fantasist of some sort - possibly married or in a relationship, happy to keep communicating so long as it's at a distance with texts and stuff - but legging it when there's any suggestion of actually meeting up.

You had a narrow escape, in my opinion.

dreamingbohemian · 04/09/2012 17:07

Okay sorry, I think I get it. He's someone you used to see around and chatted with, then when you stopped working in the club you started texting each other, now you were finally ready to maybe start dating him, only now he's disappeared.

Is that right?

I'm so sorry. There's nothing wrong with you, don't think that! Some guys are just jerks, seriously, there's no mystery, some guys are just like that. Unfortunately you usually never find out until you've started to like them a bit.

Most likely, he is dating someone else -- perhaps he wasn't when you first got to know him, but he's gotten with someone since. He kept texting and flirting with you in case things didn't work out with the other girl, knowing that you weren't really ready to date anyway. Now that you are, he's just disappeared rather than make any decisions and deal with anything.

Don't let it scare you off all men, unfortunately it's just a bad encounter with a jerk. Good luck out there!

juniorant · 04/09/2012 17:15

I think he probably did like you and said big grand gestures that he may or may not have meant at the time.
Wouldn't contact him again and he may or may not pop up again but wouldn't bother chasing him. I expect he probably will.
Who knows why he has disapeared - don't think it means he's a jerk or whatever, he doesn't owe you any explanation at this stage, you are not in a releationship with him.
So basically get on with your life and just be cool if you hear from him.

Original poster
HMG83 · 04/09/2012 17:30

dreamingbohemian that's exactly what my ramblings meant!

Ok, I will stop wondering, enjoy my holiday that's coming up and if he contacts me, or we bump into each other when I'm back, then bonus (or not depending on his circumstances).

Thanks for your responses, just needed others opinions to settle my mind :)

OP posts:
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