Need some perspective please - genuinely not sure if I am being unreasonable (or even unlawful!)
(Have name changed as details will out me)
-- argh! is VERY long - sorry!
Background: Husband cheated on me throughout our relationship - I always forgave/ forgot as I thought that being with him was better than not. Got to the point where we were about to move away and start a family (a sign, I thought, that he would be faithful). Plans were put on hold for about a year due to my job. Then Husband started asking again about trying for a baby (Autumn 2010) which we did for a few months - unsuccessfully (thank goodness!). During this time I realised that I did not want to be with him, the thought of having a baby to tie us together forever terrified me and I realised I had to leave.
As far as I knew, he hadn't cheated on me within the last 1 - 2 years. Don't ask me why, but I felt a huge amount of guilt leaving him. To the outside world he was absolutely in love with me and would have done anything for me. He always spoke about our future, where we'd live, how many children, etc. I told him it was over, he moved out. We spoke on phone civilly - but only to sort out money, etc. I packed up his things, he came to collect them when I was out - he asked which TV he could take, I told him he could take anything he wanted. (He took £1,000 50inch tv that had been paid for on my credit card, his clothes, a few DVD and nothing else).
I couldn't afford to live in (rented) house so I moved. Most of furniture got dumped - old, argos stuff, falling apart, wouldn't fit in new place. I took a couple of small TVs, bed, TV stand.
Stayed civil for a month or so - last message I had from him was asking what had happened to furniture and could he have one of the TVs for his son (previous relationship). I told him what I'd taken and dumped and said he could have TV if he came to get it (I had no car). This was the last I heard from him because... I snooped on his Facebook and read a message on his wall telling a friend about his 'baby number 2' (this was about 1 month after we split). I text to ask him WTF? no reply. I phones - he wouldn't pick up. I emailed - no reply. I gave up!
At this time our car lease was up. He mainly drove the car (every day to work) but it was in my name. Sent car back and I ended up with £2,700 charges (way over mileage allowance, new tyres needed, etc)
I subsequently had it confirmed that he had had another child - didnt know any details but the dates well and truely overlapped the time we were together.
I left it - I couldn't contact him. He did not contact me.
When we had planned to move away (you still with me???!!!) we bought a house - run down - everything needed doing to it. I say 'we', actually - I got the mortgage, my grandma paid the deposit and my parents put in all the renovation money. We hoped to live in it for a few years and then sell up so that everyone could make a bit of money out of it.
Obviously, we didn't move in. I was left with a lovely home 300 miles from my work. Tried to sell - no luck for 6 months. Couldn't afford the mortgage and my own rent so the property was let out.
So, 12 month after we split I contacted husband to ask for his address for divorce(winter 2011). I expected him to either ignore me, or just give me address and leave it up to me. No such luck - his reply was that he would agree to divorce me when I gave him the money he was owed from the house sale. Apparently he had sent his dad round to 'our' house to get some of his property - this was 7 months after we had split and 6 months since he'd last spoken to me (summer 2011). He expected his dad to let himself in with his set of keys - I'd changed the locks months ago. His dad was met my new tenants and assumed we'd sold the house (I had no idea this had happened, tenants didn't tell me - I feel bad they had this happen to them).
So I told him that I hadn't sold the house and that, yes, I'd tried to but couldn't sell it and the only offer I'd had would have given no profit at all, and the offer had fallen through anyway (all true - we bought the house just before the recession). He rightly reminded me that he had bought all white goods for the kitchen and his dad had bought us a £1,000 fridge, and what was I going to do about it? - i.e. he wanted them or the money back.
So: (I think I'm getting to the end!)
It's coming up to 2 years seperation and I plan to divorce him on those grounds. Do I owe him anything?
In my mind - he had an affair/ one night stand (who knows?) and had a child while married to me. I feel that he should just walk away - yes he spent a few thousand on a washing machine, dish washer, etc. But he also took the £1,000 TV and left me with £2,700 to pay on the car. What's more - at no point had he contacted me to get his things back. The house was on the market for 6 months - he could have had it back then. It was over a year later that he was asking for it, and only because I'd contacted him. He'd thought that I'd sold it and made a profit which he was entitled to but still didn't contact me. I told him all of this - he gave no response, said he was going away for a few weeks. I asked him to get back to me when he got back and either give me his address or an address I could use for correspondance if he didn't want me to have his address.
That was last winter 2012 - heard nothing since.
I know his works address, so plan to serve divorce papers there. Should I offer to pay him for kitchen appliances in my rented property? Will I owe him half of the profits when I do sell the house in the future (if market improves and there is any profit)? Could he put in a claim for this when I divorce?