Still living in fear of ExP after 3+ years....

[SystemofaDowny]

....what else can I do to make me and the kids safe from him? or get him to leave us alone. I want to move away but all my family and friends are here and they say I shouldn't have to plus it would also be disruptive to the kids and I really couldn't afford it anyway.

I have an injunction against him but found out yesterday that is worthless as he was stood within a few metres of us with a knife in his hand. According to the police he was not breaking any laws by doing so.

What else can I do? I'm too scared to even go out my front door right now in case he is there.

Is the injunction a non-molestation Order and does it prohibit him coming within a specified distance of your home/person?

What type of knife did he have in his hand and where did this incident take place - i.e was it close to your home in the road, park, shopping mall etc?

Sorry this isn't helpful but we ended up moving and now have a lovely peaceful life although still scared he will find us in the end.

I would see a solicitor asap, surely being so close to you, with or without a knife, is breaking the non molestation. Can't believe the police think standing around with a knife is ok?!?!?!

Yes its a non-molestation order I think. It was made when he went to court for harrassment against me. I don't actually have a copy of it but was told at the time it was not to contact me or be in the road where I live. I have now found out it is not the whole road but just the small piece of land in front of the row of houses I live in.

The knife was a hunting type knife he uses for gutting fish/pheasants/rabbits. The incident took place at a family charity day in the garden of the pub that is a few metres from my house.

When you say that 'he went to court for harassment' against you, was he prosecuted for harassment or did the non-mol come about because of proceedings you/your solicitor instituted against him?

When was the Order made and what period of time does it cover - it could be 6 or 12 months which, depending on circumstances, can be renewable on application from you?

How did you find out the limitations of the Order?

Is your local police force aware of the history between you and your ex? If domestic violence was involved before you split up, did you have any contact with Women's Aid or other agencies?

I'd definitely seek legal advice if I were you. It may end up that you have to move out of the area and make a fresh start but don't leave without a fight.

What should/shouldn't happen and what will keep you safe are two different things.

The law on carrying knives in public is that 'it is an offence for any person, without lawful authority or good reason, to have with him in a public place, any article which has a blade or is sharply pointed except for a folding pocket-knife which has a cutting edge to its blade not exceeding 3 inches'.

Presumably his 'good reason' would be that he was on his way fishing/hunting but the fact that you saw the knife suggests that he has committed the of offence of using threatening behaviour - which can be non-verbal - to cause you harassment, alarm, or distress.

From what you've said, your police force seems singlularly remiss in having failed to have taken any action this matter.

Without knowing the circumstances which caused you to split or what other incidents may have occurred in the 3+ years that you have lived apart from him, it seems to me that you're best advised to locate your local Women's Aid offices here www.womensaid.org.uk and ask them to recommend a solcitior who specialises in dv related matters.

It also seems to me that if you move and he follows, you'll be in the uneviable position of having to deal with him without the benefit of having family/friends nearby to support you.

I therefore suggest that you speak to a solicitor or a domestic violence counsellor to consider what action can be taken to ensure that you remain safe, both in your home and when out and about.

This may involve having your home/phone number red-flagged by the police and applying for a more specific non-molestation Order with power of arrest if he is found to be in breach.

Please don't despair as there is much that can be done to make you feel more secure in your present home and when you're going about your daily business.

Needless to say, keep your mobile with you at all times and don't hesitate to call 999 if you feel under threat on any occasion.

Ok let me try to answer some of your questions, sorry if this is going to be long but I will try to include everything.

He was prosecuted for harrassment after 6 months of nearly daily incidents. He entered a guilty plea, even though some of the offenses which were included in that, he had denied/got away with when earlier questioned by the police. Anyway his sentence for that was a 2 year community order, compulsory attendance on an IDAP course and the injunction. I was told about this on the day by the police by phone as they said I didn't need to be in court as he plead guilty. They said it was to not contact me directly or indirectly and banning him from the road where I live. I was worried at the time it didn't include my children's school too because some of the included incidents happened there. I got a letter confirming this a few days later but have never actually seen the full court order.

This information I have only been told today by the police following yesterdays incident. The injunction does not cover all of the road I live in. Its tricky to describe why but I will try. Its a dead-end type road leading off from the main road. There are 3 rows of terraced houses along this road. This is what has caused the problem though- each row of houses has a different name and only the name for the one where my house (the furthest from the main road) is on the order. The place of yesterdays incident is between the 1st and 2nd row of houses, so I have been told he was doing nothing wrong being there.

When I asked the police officer why the whole road wasn't included he seemed to think it was MY solicitor's fault for not putting the right address on it. When I told them I did NOT have a solicitor because I was told by the police there was no need for me to be in court, he just said I should get one now and try to get it changed for the future. I don't know if that is going to be possible because when I tried to get a solicitor to get an injunction before (before the prosecution for harassment, when the police were not doing anything to help me) nowhere would take my case on because I couldn't afford to pay over £2000 and none of them accept legal aid unless you are a defendant.

When was he sentenced?

It was in June this year

I often sometimes despair of the police as it can be the case that the response victims receive is only as good as the lead officer who attends on the day.

That said there would seem to be much that is remiss here, not least being that his attendance on an IDAP course should be subject to agreements for multi-agency working and requires co-operation between the agencies, including the police, concerned with domestic abuse in order to prioritise your safety and that of your dc if applicable.

I'm wondering if he's yet to begin the course but, regardless, the course organisers and other agencies need to be aware that he has already overstepped the spirit if not the letter of the law in being found so close to your home carrying a knife which I assume he made no attempt to conceal as you are able to describe it.

The fact that he was found in possession of a knife in a public place is extremely disconcerting, as is the fact that no action has been taken against him and it is unlikely that his transgression will be reported to the IDAP course organisers.

I would suggest that tomorrow you phone the police using the 101 non-emergency number and ask to be put in touch with an officer who is assigned to domestic violence cases and voice your concerns to that officer - and that officer only. In addition, please ask the officer to allocate a domestic violence worker to represent you at any multi-agency conferences that may be called by the IDAP organisers.

In addition, PLEASE make contact with your local Women's Aid branch to again voice your concerns and to ask for help in ensuring that your local police force are capable of joined up thinking aware that you are at risk of physical harm from your ex and that all necessary measures are taken to protect you; as above, these would include flagging your phone number and address and also additional security - panic button, extra locks etc, for your home at no cost to yourself.

As you've described your road as something of a dead end off a main road, it would seem that he had no cause to be there. If he claimed/claims that he was using it as a means to access a hunting/fishing ground, he could have chosen an alternative route - and would have done had he taken the orders of the Court to heart.

Under the circumstances I have serious concern that it's going to take more than what has been meted out to him to date to stop your ex from harassing, intimidating, or otherwise making you fearful in relation to going about your lawful business.

He needs to feel the long arm of the law on his collar again be whacked back into his box sharpish otherwise he's going to start thinking that he's above the law.

Please come back tomorrow with an update - I'm going to be thinking of you and I'll start worrying if you take more than a day or so to come back here.

The injunction imposed on him by the Magistrates Court can be varied on application and, in this instance, it would seem appropriate for the police/CPS to make application for it to be clarified in terms of the exact names of areas/locations he's constrained to avoid and for these areas to be extended/added to if necessary.

The police officer who attended in relation to the knife incident should be hauled over the coals made aware that an injunction imposed by the Magistrates should result in arrest if breached.

If the officer was in any doubt, s/he could have taken him to the police station on suspicion of carrying a knife in a public place with or without intent.

I'm sorry I should have written more earlier in answer to your other questions. I DO sometimes forget that other people don't know all the information I do so forget to mention important stuff. At the same time I can't also decide what is important and what isn't so that is why I write too much stuff which is probably irrelevant.

-No he hasn't started the IDAP course yet, but he has already done it once before as part of a sentence for a different crime. I have alreadymet the safety worker this time and done the risk assessments etc. I have also texted her about yesterday but as its sunday and still school holidays here I'm not expecting an immediate response.

• I already have all the secruity measures on my home available- locks on doors, windows and even letterbox! My address and phone number is flagged also but when I called 999 yesterday it still took 40 minutes for police to arrive. This is an improvement though because last time it was well over an hour.

-About the knife, I can describe it because I have seen it before and I know what he uses it for. I wouldn't say it wasn't concealed though because it was in a sheath on his belt loop and hidden under a long coat. It was only when he was stood near me he open his coat up so I would see it and started to pull it out, not fully but part way. Two other people said they saw the sheath on his belt loop but didn't see the actual knife. Unfortunately the CCTV didn't cover the garden and it was very busy with 100+ people and loads of kids running around.

-Because it took a while for police to get there he had left so they didn't arrest him straight away. As soon as I got on the phone he ran out and back down the road. It takes less 5 mins to walk to the main road and 'disappear' as there is loads of shops and a bus/train station. He was arrested about 5 hours later at his flat. The police said they searched his flat but didn't find the knife.

-When question his excuse was that it was a public event(true) he wanted to attend and it wasn't in the place he was banned from(I now know this is also true) He did admit that he knew there was a possibility I would be there (I ALWAYS attend this event as its right on my doorstep and I have other strong personal reasons for attending-he knows this) but he was not doing anything wrong because he was only standing with a mate who he came with having a drink. This is a complete lie as the staff confirmed he did not arrive or leave with anyone else and did not buy any drinks. He said he didn't breach the order because he did not talk to me (this is true, but he didn't HAVE to say anything) and he didn't deliberately stand near me or realise I was there.
Also he said that he didn't have a knife with him just the sheath and that he had forgotten that it was on his belt, although the police did say that when they searched his flat for the knife the did not find this 'forgotten sheath' either. On his way fishing/hunting couldn't have been used as an excuse because of the way he was dressed. He had come in drastically different clothes to normal which is how he got in and past several people who knew him without being recognised, but again going out 'in disguise' is not a crime.

Anyway I'm sorry if I have written too much again and hope that answers your questions. I will try to ring women's aid tomorrow and see if there is any advice they can give. I will need to do it at a time when the children are not around though and also I need to take them shopping for new school shoes.

He's attended an IDAP course in relation to an earlier offence and they're sending him on another? IMO 12 months as a guest of Her Maj may achieve what attendance on an earlier IDAP course hasn't.

In the light of the additional information you've provided it seems that my cynicism reservations regarding your local police may be unfounded as it would appear that your concerns were taken seriously as evidenced by the visit to, and search of, his flat.

I'm relieved to know that you have security measures in place in your home and that you are in contact with a safety worker who, presumably, will be passing on details of this incident to all other relevant agencies who are involved in his/your case.

FTR, as one of those relevant agencies, the police should appraise other agencies of the incident at the earliest opportunity and it will be interesting to know when the safety worker is made aware of it from a source other than yourself.

If you have a dedicated dv worker/counsellor please ignore my advice (above) but, if not, do follow through by speaking to a police officer who has been assigned to investigate/work on domestic violence cases and ask for a dv worker to be allocated to you.

He's a cunning little fucker, isn't he? But IME such individuals are best advised not to pit their wits against the police as they can find themselves in deep do-do the object of scrutiny at times when they would prefer not to attract attention.

The problem is that the mills of the law grind exceedingly slow and you are going to feel under threat until they've flattened him such time as he's learned the error of his ways which, unfortunately, I suspect will be the hard long way.

Nevertheless, don't despair. There's all to play for and it may be that a confidential chat with your local constituency Member of Parliament will serve to put a rocket up a few arses concentrate minds.

Btw, unless you are way out in the wilds, a 40 minute police response time to a 999 call is unacceptable and deserves to be drawn to the attention of your MP - I very much doubt that the police would take that length of time to respond to a call from him/her.