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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I might have to go into a shelter

9 replies

AugustSquirrel · 02/09/2012 03:46

My OH has been abusive...I am in such a different place from my school and uni friends and I think if I have to go into a shelter then that's fine, it's a temporary measure. But they are all freaking out and saying I have to stay with them.

I need to get my independence back so if I have to go into a shelter that's what I have to do, temporarily, and it's no reflection on them.

Does this make sense or am I being stupid? But I don't want to move in with my friends at the moment, no matter how much I love them. Or they me.

OP posts:

SoDesperate · 02/09/2012 04:57

Have you spoken to Womens Aid or to the Police? In what way has he been abusive?

Are you safe now?

You will get a lot of help from Womens Aid, not just somewhere to stay but lots of other support.

FellatioNelson · 02/09/2012 06:33

If you think that he may try to find you at a friends then it is best not to stay there.

On the other hand, there are many women who have nowhere else safe to go at all, so if you can avoid taking up a shelter place without putting yourself in danger then perhaps you should - BUT ONLY IF YOU FEEL SAFE DOING SO. Do you feel you need to additional counselling/support etc available at a shelter?

BlackberryIce · 02/09/2012 10:10

Being in a shelter puts you at the top of the housing register. Staying with friends won't.

Do you have dc?

hazeldog · 02/09/2012 10:19

I want to second what BlackBerry said. When I was homeless and trying to get housed I was not prioritised because I was staying on a friends sofa. I was told I was "OK where I was" despite my protestations that I couldn't expect to stay indefinitely rent free. In a shelter you will have your own space and be prioritized. Hope your situation improves and well done for taking action to get yourself out.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 02/09/2012 10:28

Yep, if you want housing you need to get in a shelter.

It's lovely that your friends are so supportive.

Bossybritches22 · 02/09/2012 10:34

I'm sorry it has got to this stage but yes maybe a shelter would be safer, especially if you are concerned for your safety.

That way your lovely friends can be there for extra support/suppers/hot baths etc.

Are you ok for the moment though? Don't hesitate to call the police if you are in any way threatened, it will be on file then so that will be evidence if you need it in future.

complexo · 02/09/2012 10:40

Sorry to hijack but 3 questions that maybe will help OP too: 1- can woman with children go to shelter and will the shelter be close enough to school? 2- when the woman is re - housed will it be done in the same area and close to school? 3 - what kind of abuse is bad enough for the woman to be accepted in a shelter and get counselling etc...?

Guiltypleasures001 · 02/09/2012 10:47

Hi My ds and I spent 7 months in a hostel, it wasnt wonderful, but made our little room in to a home, had dinner round parents etc. Got a lovely 2 bed flat with garden, its a means to an end, other posters are right, my parents were going mad and wanted is to go live there, but I knew that I had to stay there to be housed.

Maybe vivist for meals outings etc, but it's something that has to happen to get you where you need to be, its temporary bare that in mind..

Markingthehours · 02/09/2012 10:52

1 - Yes refuges are women and children

2 - Highly unlikely to get a choice about location - they are very over subscribed usually. It may not be safe for DC to continue at same school.

3 - There is no 'hierarchy of abuse' really - but refuges are for all women and children who need them. Some areas have police units whose policy is to remove the perpetrator where possible.

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