My ExDP is constantly on my back regarding the tidiness of my flat. He is always berating me about toys being left on the living room floor, the dishes not being done IMMEDIATELY etc. He does things like picking up bits from the floor (like a bit of fluff) and waving it around in my face berating me that it is something our 15 month old DS could put in his mouth and choke on (and its always something that is totally harmless, like a tiny bit of bread from a snack earlier that day).
Last night a massive argument erupted about it. After I had cooked him dinner (he was visiting our son and thought it would be nice for him for us all to have a meal together), I then did the dishes whilst ExDP put DS to bed. I cleaned the worktops etc. Well it turns out I accidently left some plates on the dinner table and he went ape shit saying that this was typical of my half arsed attitude to everything in life and that I never do anything right. He said that my attitude was appalling.
I pointed out to him that he can of course help out with the cleaning etc, that I do tidy up and do masses of chores everyday on top of looking after a very active DS and that it is not easy. I also told him that he was being bang out of order, that I work hard and can only do my best. Most days I have'nt had 5 minutes to myself until I sit down in the evening after DS is in bed, so often the dishes from teatime don't get done by the morning but personally I don't see the problem with this. DS has been having difficulties getting down to sleep lately, so by the time he is finally down, sometimes not until 10pm, the last thing I want to do is the dishes and instead just crash on the sofa before going off to bed. . The flat never gets to a state where its unclean or unhealthy to live in.
I've asked ExDP to help with chores, which he does occasionally but not without making a big song and dance out of it. His argument is always that it is not his house so not his responsibility but has no qualms about having a go at me if its not as tidy as he thinks it should be.
He got into such a state that he picked up a saucepan that was on one of the counters (we were in the kitchen) and threw it on the floor not far from where DS was sitting, who started crying. I shouted at EXDP to never do that again in front of our son.
Today I told him that I did not like the way he had spoken to me. He said that he did'nt regret any of it.
I'm very annoyed by his attitude, I always feel like I have to justify my role as the mother of his child and what I do during the day. He does not seem to accept how tiring etc it is looking after a toddler. I also feel like I should not have to put up with this kind of behaviour anymore bearing in mind we are no longer in a relationship. He likes to visit DS several times a week and at weekends and I have put up with this out of a belief that it is good for my son to have a good, close relationship with his dad, but after this weekend I feel like I really need to restrict EXDP visiting. I also told him if he did;nt like my flat he could always get himself somewhere where he can take DS (at the moment he still lives in a shared house).
I'd like to know if any of you have any thoughts/advice on this. Cheers xxxx