i want a divorce but im too scared to tell him

[wonderingwendy]

we have 3 kids aged 14,11&6
we have been married 15 yrs and i just cant go on with it anymore
this is a mixed race relationship so has been hard from word go ,he had a massive gambling problem throughout all of our marriage culminating in me asking him to leave - he left and then he lost his mind and threatened to throw himself in front of a train ,ended up in a mental hospital - after 6 weeks apart i gave in to his begging and took him back ive regretted this move ever since - i feel like that was my one chance to get away and i messed it up.
i only agreed to get back together for the kids - i told him then i will never love him and i will be unhappy for the rest of my life if i stay with him - he said that he could make me love him again - he didnt
one massive thing for me is the fact he got me into so much debt from the gambling that i had to declare myself bankrupt,i then went into a deep depression and suffered anxiety for a long time ,i just dont know why he would do that to me ,id never put my partner through that.
there are other problems ,he doesnt like many of my friends and family and it makes me so mad i dont want to hear all the nasty things he has to say about them.
he stinks ,really it turns my stomach ,combination of garlic,wet fags and curry.it doesnt seem to matter how many times im telling him you smell he just thinks im exaggerating ,the children say the same thing too ,its gross and i just dont want to be near him.
another thing that gets me down is that he is so boring - he only likes to read the news or watch the news ,he doesnt enjoy music or films he has no hobbies no friends ,we are total opposites.
i cant imagine spending the rest of my life with him and i dont want to - i just want to be by myself with the kids im sure i will be happier but im so scared i have a small ebay business which doesnt make that much money ,so bills and things would be a big headache for me and of course how can i split up the family and keep the kids from their dad .
he has told me before that he would go back to his country and get married and have a new family if we other split up,i think he would just not bother to see our kids again , how can i put them through that?

You know what you have to do. It doesn't sound like their father brings a lot into family life and the children sound like they are picking up on your revulsion of him, if they are saying how awful he smells etc. This isn't particularly good for them. They might have a better relationship with him if he was living elsewhere. The threat that he'll leave the country may be just that, a threat - but if he would just drop the children like that, I can't see how he can be a loving father right now.

Look at what entitlements you will have, consider getting a job to do alongside the ebay business and get him gone.

I think your children would heave a sigh of relief if this man was out of their lives to be honest. They're not stupid. They can see how he is. He subjected you to emotional blackmail once before and it worked... now that you know it's a bluff, call him on it, see a solicitor and get him out of your life. The children will probably be far happier.

I was scared to tell my STBXH that I wanted a divorce. We went to Relate and I used that to tell him in a supportive environment. He just didn't get it. The counsellor had to keep telling him what I was saying because he couldn't accept it. He accepts it now.
Without Relate I'm not sure how I could've got the words out.

yes maybe thats the way to go
he is having a tough time at work just now his boss is a racist and he is in the process of taking him to court so i feel i have to support him through this time and then maybe i can bring it up.
im pretty much scared of everything that comes with being a single parent as i dont get any help from my parents ,and only one sister is able and willing to help me through hard times.
i just want to be happy again.surely he would want that for me ?