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Original poster

How rubbish is this? Perspective needed please

19 replies

SorryMyLollipop · 31/08/2012 08:00

I've been with my BF for about 4 months. Get on really well, been on holiday together with his dd and my dds. He is very caring, generous, fun etc. Lovely person. Brilliant dad (sees his dd whenever he can etc).

BUT (here goes)

he can be a bit rubbish at ringing/texting etc. He works rotating shifts so it can sometimes be awkward for him to ring etc. There have been a few occasions when he said he would ring and didn't. He has got quite a bad memory and does randomly fall asleep due to shifts etc. I have pulled him up on it, he has apologised.

I last saw him Mon night/Tues morning. He is working nights this week and said that he would come over straight from work this morning (friday) because we are going a festival this afternoon/evening together.

So, he should have got here before 7am. But nothing. Didn't come, no phone call/text etc. I assume that he has forgotten and gone home but I am feeling proper fed up and messed about.

I tried ringing his mobile at about 7.30am, went to answerphone. So I texted him "I thought you said you were coming over straight from work this morning?"

He has a habit of taking a few hrs to respond to texts (due to sleeping I hope).

So do I leave him to contact me? ignore my phone in protest if he does? try to contact him again? go to festival alone?

Any advice welcome

OP posts:
TanteRose · 31/08/2012 08:03

come on, give him a break! he's working shifts, probably forgot about coming straight to you.

What time are you leaving for the festival? not for a few hours, right?

there is plenty of time to sort out about meeting up.

have a great time at the festival Smile

Original poster
SorryMyLollipop · 31/08/2012 08:07

Thanks Tante.

Festival starts at 2pm.

I have no idea what effect shift work has on people but I assume it's very tough. I don't think I could do it.

Feeling very emotional at the moment, got PMT, not seen my dds for a week (they are away with their dad, won't see them til Tues) so need some perspective!!

OP posts:
TanteRose · 31/08/2012 08:10

aw, sorry you're feeling a bit wobbly.

he will need a couple of hours kip if he's going to be rocking a festival all afternoon/night

wait a couple more hours and then call him again.

deep breaths!

here, have a Brew

Helltotheno · 31/08/2012 09:09

I disagree. He's been saying he'll call and he isn't calling. Why should you have your plans messed up because he can't be arsed/is too lazy/'forgetful' etc? They're just excuses to cover up basic bad treatment of you.
Wouldn't do for me because I'd expect someone to have more respect for my life actually.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/08/2012 09:13

I'm with Helltotheno. I think there is nothing more annoying than people who mess you around breaking promises and not turning up on time. It's at worst disrespectful, at best careless and, if it's happening this early on in your relationship, I don't think that's a particularly good sign.

Original poster
SorryMyLollipop · 31/08/2012 11:02

Thanks Hell and Cogito
I am getting pretty pissed off tbh, I think I might just take myself off to the festival without him!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/08/2012 11:05

I would. I can't get too excited about people who don't respond to texts quickly. Not eveyone is waiting by the phone, after all. But, if you're going somewhere important, it's really rude to be kept waiting and I wouldn't give him a second thought. Your phone is suddenly 'out of range' for the foreseeable future. Enjoy the festival.

dequoisagitil · 31/08/2012 11:15

You've complained about it before and he's said sorry, but hasn't actually altered his behaviour?

At 8, I would have said give him a little more time, at 11 he's being extremely thoughtless and ill-mannered.

Slumberparty · 31/08/2012 11:16

It's not fair for him to mess you around. If he wanted to go home to sleep first then that's fine - he could have easily sent you a text to let you know, you would have seen it when you woke up then would know what was going on.
Make it clear you will not put up with his careless behaviour by going to the festival without him. His loss.

Houseofplain · 31/08/2012 11:18

Youve nc'ed haven't you?

This story is exactly the same. From the holiday, to the festival, to the circs.

Original poster
SorryMyLollipop · 31/08/2012 11:22

The other thing that pisses me off is that I was invited out last night by some mates but said no because it would have involved staying over at my friend's house and I thought BF was arriving here early doors!! Pah!!

OP posts:
Original poster
SorryMyLollipop · 31/08/2012 11:24

I really haven't nc'd, been on here ages, would say if I had.

I nearly did nc because I'm embarassed and I feel like a silly teenager.

Still no word from him.

OP posts:
lotsofcheese · 31/08/2012 11:35

Working shifts does not prevent you from communicating & being courteous. If he's like this 4 months into a relationship then it's not going to get any better. And if you've called him on it & he's not improved....

I would make your own plans for the festival & stick to them. If/when he texts then HE has to fall in with YOUR plans

Original poster
SorryMyLollipop · 31/08/2012 12:11

I know everyone is right. I just feel really sad, don't fancy doing the festival solo but probably should drag myself along. Still no word from him.

OP posts:
pictish · 31/08/2012 12:15

Well I think he's being rude.
He is treating his time as being more important than the OP's.

Rude.

MamaMary · 31/08/2012 12:18

OP, I would consider this as unacceptable. My DH, when he was my BF, used to hate texting, but when I made it clear I expected a minimal amount of prompt texting, he would begrudgingly comply. He preferred phoning. To leave you in the dark about plans etc is just not on. Agree that if he's like this now it's not a good sign.

Original poster
SorryMyLollipop · 31/08/2012 12:19

Maybe he's trying to tell me something. He has cooled off on his phone calls a bit over the last week.

Shitty way to do it though. Sad

OP posts:
dondon33 · 31/08/2012 13:19

OP stop waiting for his reply/say so. After a 4 month relationship, there's no way I'd be sat patiently waiting by my phone for him.

His shifts are not an excuse for why he's not contacting you or answering you, he could manage a quick 30 second call to you or a few words in a text, on his break/lunch and what excuse does he have when the shift's finished and he's heading home before sleeping? = NONE

Let him know how pissed off you are and you will not accept it, If he's already cooling off then confront him about what he wants. I agree it's shitty if he does want to finish things and he thinks this is the way to do it.

Athendof · 31/08/2012 14:55

It doesn't matter if he works shifts or if he cannot text you as much as tou would like to. What matters is that tou are not satisfied with the way the relationship is going.

To be honest, if his unreliability us prooving a problem at 4 months, it won't get better in the future so I think you need to evaluate if you would be happy in such relationship, if the answer is no... Let him go before you and your child get more attached.

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