A positive story from the offspring of the 'other woman'

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

There is so much pain caused by infidelity and marriage break ups - this site is a helpful outlet for some of that pain. Particularly for women who have just discovered or suspect they have a straying partner.

Anyway I am the product of a second relationship. My Dad was still officially married to his first wife when I was born (they had been separated for some time and he was living with my Mother when I arrived).

Fast forward 38 years and I have a very good relationship with my half siblings and we don't treat each other any differently to our full siblings (there are 7 'children' all adults now of course). This summer I was visiting one of my half sisters and saw her mother (My Dads first wife) there we always get on well and were talking about my difficulties with building up my Dads family tree. He is dead so I can't ask him any questions my Mum has had little contact with his family as they were trad Liverpool RC (Irish and Scottish) and not happy about Dads divorce and bastard offspring (not my words).

Dads first wife was able to give me a few pointers and was very helpful - and today I received a lovely six sided A4 letter with her recollections of my Grandfather, ideas on the possible age of Dads mother who died when he was only 10 and other details, addresses, names of Cousins and a few anecdotes.

I am so touched that she has gone to all this trouble for me she also sent a postcard of Liverpool from the 1960's and has given me some hope that I may be able to better understand my Fathers origins. He died 20 years ago so I find great comfort in being able to still find new information about him.

Anyway - if nothing else I hope this shows that families may be messy but they can still be great affection and respect after all the hurt and feelings of betrayal have faded - if that is what the people involved want. My Dads two wifes are not BFF's don't get me wrong but they are very civil and have a nice chat when thrown together. They love all the children involved and that seems to have kept the extended family unit going strong.

I should add Dad did have an affair as he met Mum while still living with his wife - so it wasn't a good clean seperation it was very messy with plenty of recriminations and my Mum was named in the divorce. So they have come a long way from that start.

I'm pleased for you. Children born in such situations obviously shouldn't be treated badly - common sense and humanity says so, surely?

But as someone who has experienced/is experiencing the utterly devastating nature of betrayal I I don't find your post comforting and am thinking WTAF!!

What a lovely woman. She sounds very admirable.

So glad you have an amazing relationship with you siblings.

I have pretty much the same set up.

My dad cheated on my mum when I was too, left us for another woman, my mum re married and had my brother (I grew up thinking her second husband was my dad).

At the age of 16/17 my mum told me that my dad isn't my dad and told me my dads name. I didn't want anything to do with him (not that he contacted me or anything) so just got on with my life.

I am now 21 and earlier this year he messaged me on facebook, initially I ignored him, why would he want to talk to me now. I got curious and looked at his profile, he has two younger daughters.

I had to speak to him to be able to speak to my little sisters so I now speak to him when I have to, but I am so close with my little sisters and really glad he made contact. They are 16 and 14, I'm slightly scared of the questions that I'm going to be asked in the next year my 18 year old brother certainly didn't ask for my advice.

Again an example of a messed up but happy ish family

I don't intend to upset or belittle anyone in a painful and iretrievably ruined relationship - my intention is to show that with time and in very particular circumstances a woman betrayed by her husband was able to have an amicable relationship with the woman he left her for and with that womans children/ grandchildren.

This is something that does happen but is not talked about probably because there is no drama but it does require everyone to want the same thing.

time is not going to heal all wounds but it does allow space and some new perspective - They had a crappy husband in common and he was the main betrayer. He was a good father though and as a product of a time (he was born before WW2) when marriages were made in haste to appease family honour the breakdown of his first marriage is more easily understood perhaps.