Bisexual Husband

[bren33]

Have been married for 6 years and only just discovered my husband has been having an affair with another man. I feel betrayed, angry and very hurt.

He tells me he is bisexual but i have heard some women say they have a bisexual husband but they really mean they are gay but can't admit it.

Don't know what to do really although i know i don't want a relationship with a man that likes men.

Any advice from people in a similar situation or have been?

Thanks

Brenda

Why do you want to hear from someone with personal experience of this? I suspect you need to talk to someone professional about this because his betrayal of you has really run deep. I suppose if my dh went off with another man I would question my entire life spent with him, I would unravel everything and try to find hidden meanings in events. Everything we ever did together would suddenly become a lie. Everytime he told me he loved me, whenever we discussed our future together, everything would just fall apart before me.

You need to talk to someone about this, if you don't it will eat away inside you.

I don't know about bisexuality, I am straight and so it's impossible for me to state anything about anyone else's sexuality. I do know of gay men who have still fancied women and I was never quite sure what that signified but they sure as hell didn't describe themselves as bisexual. So I don't know, really I don't.

Your dh might have once loved you and fancied you or he might have always been gay and used you as a cover. For your own peace of mind, you might have to sit him down and demand that he at least tell you the truth about your relationship. You might feel a whole lot worse or you might feel better, but at least then you will know and you can start dealing with the truth.

I hope you find some closure and can move on from this. Whatever happens, you bore two children - never forget that. Without your relationship with your dh they would never have existed. So those years have not been fruitless, you have achieved something remarkable, you brought up two young adults who are about to start their own journeys into the world. Don't deny them their father because whatever else he is, he is still their dad and they still need him. Come out of this with dignity and your head held high.

Oh hang on, why is the OP asking about other posters sexuality and experiences? OP, why are you so focused on other people?

@bren I realised I was bisexual at about 14, but looking back I think I always have been, I had crushes on girls when i was younger than that, but didn't realise they were crushes iyswim - I just thought I really really liked that person, or really admired them and thought they were beautiful. Some people don't figure it out until they are older, or kind of half know it but repress it, pehaps because they grew up in a homophobic environment.

I do hate it when bisexuality is conflated with really bad behaviour. People of all sexualities behave appallingly to their partners. No-one cheats because they are bisexual or prostitutes themselves or buys prostitutes because they are bisexual. People may blame those things on sexual confusion but it is just because they are making excuses and trying to seek sympathy for themselves.

And sexual confusion is different to being bisexual too.

May I suggest VERY STRONGLY that posters bear in mind that it's hard to know who you're talking to on the internet and none of us should share very personal experiences or feelings unless we are happy for them to be read by all and sundry. Particularly sundry.......

YY good point northern

Englishwives is a yahoo group for women in exactly your situation.

I was wondering how to put it that way Northern.

OP please don't take this the wrong way, but as this is a public forum I'm sure you will understand the need for caution as not everyone wants to post for the right reasons. If you need advice pertaining to YOUR individual experience however then we are all here to do just that as best we can

my DP is bisexual, he has not actually had another relationship with a man though. I am also bisexual and we enjoy a varied sex life where we include others. We have not/might not ever reached the point where my partner sleeps with/touches sexually another man. If we did it would be the same as when we do with anyone, extremely safe.

I would be most concerned with the cheating and if it was done safely, because i would be fuming if my safety had been put at risk!

The OP has not come back.

Just saying like.